they tell you
"if you love someone let them go"
and they say it like it's easy

it's funny how
one sour bite
can turn the whole apple
rotton

why do you even try?
you know they're not gonna talk to you
why would anyone want to talk to you
you're weird
you're gross
you're meant to be alone

im yours
always yours
forever yours
yours and only yours
your little toy
to use as you wish
use me and throw me away
im yours

how long will it take to forget me
a year
a month
a week
a day
how long until im faceless
stuck in old memories you
forgot were there
how long until
my name means nothing

I cant help
but wonder
if I could have
done something
to help you
to stop you
to free you

Hounds of hell
lap at pools of blood and ichor
trickling from my
open neck

you try so hard to be friendly
you try so hard to be nice
you try so hard and they spit in your
face
and tell you you're
nothing

Wrap my throat with barbed wire
clip my tongue and yank it out
sew my lips and make me
silent

I wish i were strong enough
to weather the bad
so i could appreciate the good
but every drop of rain is like acid
and I'm dissolving beneath your feet

home is
between your arms
my head pressing into your chest
my thumb slowly rubbing your palm
home is
your scent wrapping me in
soft blankets of love
home is
when im with you

a chalice
gold as Midas's touch and encrusted with
rubies of blood
cold to the touch yet it burns your fingertips
when you graze the delicately emblazoned surface
pick it up
swirl it
watch the viscous liquid twirl around
like a ballerina on a summer stage
it glistens in the light
beckoning
drink!
love's sweet kiss tingles on your lips
and desire's red wine seeps into your soul
lust's thick fog clouds your eyes, lightens your head
and your heart screams for her
her!
only her

Hm!
it appears i am
incredibly average
at everything i do

shut your mouth!!
nobody wants to hear you speak

i accept chaos
whirling swirling chaos
all around us
we live in constant
chaos
the world is uncontrollable
so im content letting it happen

everything is beautiful
through the lens of love
but take off those glasses
for nothing is what you make it
when you’re in love

The look in your eyes
hurts more
than the blade
on my hip

Existing is just
prolonging my
inevitable
death

so why keep
living?

I dream
Awake
My eyes seeing nothing
But your face that isnt there

I am jealous
of the sun
who gets to kiss your sleeping face
every morning
I am jealous
of your hair
who gets to cradle your face
in it's wavy hands
I am jealous
of your cats
who get to cuddle you
whenever they please
I am jealous
I wish to love you
But I'm stuck imagining
your face next to mine
your soft breath dusting my cheek
warm, comfortable silence
sewn together
with threads
of love

It’s one of
those nights
again
another night
another sob
another rip in my skin
another dream
another hand around
my neck another squeeze another
scar on my hip
another bandaid
another tissue
with blood and snot and
tears

another night.
another day.

You take my breath away
then give me some of your own

I wonder how many times I've said your name
while laying in bed at night
Mary
Mary
Mary
Calling until you answer
even if it's just in my head

why
do you care
so much

what did i do
to deserve
you

why
are you
here

why do you
make me feel
the way
i do

what is it
about you

what is it
about me

why do you
stick around

why don't you
hate me

why can't you
leave me be

why can't you
just abandon me

why do you stay

am i really that worth it

do you really think that of me

why?

why do you love me?

I want to be
wrapped in your arms
head resting on your chest
the soft pound of your heartbeat
lulling me to sleep

I wish I could tell you
everything that's going on
in my mind but
I'm not even sure
I know

I can feel you staring at me
but I can't think about it
if I do I'll start to smile

The sun burns my back
as the pavement burns my feet
shoeless and sockless
running down the street
I refuse to put them on
though my soles are bright and red
Shove **** between my toes?
I'd much rather be dead.

How is it
that I feel so
much
and yet
nothing at
all?

It will all be okay
that's what I tell you, at least
but you don't believe me
I don't blame you
I don't believe me either

and suddenly
every love song
was about
you

"I love you."
I whisper as I set my alarm
"I love you."
I whisper as I write down goodbye
"I love you."
I whisper as I creep down the stairs
"I love you."
I whisper as I open up the bottles
"I love you."
I whisper as I empty them into my hand
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."

I can see more stars in your eyes
than I've seen in the sky
I don't know whether
that says more
about you
or the sky

I wish
I could just
kiss you
without
fearing
those who
watch

watch the
autumn leaves
break off in
the wind and
spiral down
in a grace
ful twirl be
fore landing
on the cold
wet
pavement