Ever since I could remember
I have been so intrigued and intensly curious about space, the planets,
galaxies, the moon especially, black holes, and time travel
I would be in the happiest place on Earth at the Rose Space Center in New York City
The cosmos
They're mysteriously beautiful, captivating, divine
I vividly remember being 7 and 8 years old, looking up at the stars
with my dad or even alone and thinking
"What's out there? What is space?" I would crave to know.
I would pace back and forth thinking, just thinking for hours and hours a night what it all could be.
I now see that that was just my way of experiencing curiosity for something much bigger than humans (which I understand now is the Universe)
Realizing that there is something out there no one on earth could ever explain.
An energy, "god", a being, whatever you wish to call it.
That was my 7 year old mind conceiving those thoughts for the very first time and understanding what I was actually thinking.
The conversations my dad and I would have in our backyard about space
have become my most precious and cherished moments I have with him
I get lost in thought when space arises
It is a topic that I feel very close to, connected, one with
It brings an almost nostalgic emotion to me
A deep seeded love
I currently experience this same emotion with a few other cerebral passions,
but the thought of space was my very first
The second passion is something that is very special to me due
to the long hours and days and years I've spent learning as much as I possibly could
Psychology
About 5 or 6 years ago, I realized that I was increasingly curious and infatuated
with human behavior, body language, emotion
The natural drive in me that insists to look into other's minds has
never faded, only increased
There was a critical point in my metamorposis/enlightenment where I just stopped
I stopped everything that made my existence anything but an existence
I stopped talking
I began listening
I stopped looking away
I began watching
I stopped moving
I began sitting still
I had become a true listener, observer, meditator
Watching body language and two people having a conversation is
mesmerizing to me
How they move to express a notion
How odd we truly look
I apply the things I've learned in my everyday life
I notice patterns and quirks about everyone that they most likely don't even notice
It comes very naturally to me to be able to know just a little about
a person and figure out the rest entirely on my own
And when I later find out I was right, it just makes me
feel even closer to that person
(For a very, very long time, I would conceal my thought processes and the things
I was truly passionate about because I always knew I thought very differently
than my peers
I began to believe, maybe I was just "weird"
But during the early stages of my metamorphosis/enlightenment, I realized that I am not.
I am special. I am something not everyone can be
I am something that possesses a soul so warm and spacious that it took me
17 years to grasp and connect to
My soul is as light and wispy as the finest, graceful feather getting
blown by the gentle wind on the bay
No one else can feel the way I feel
The way my soul feels when I am experiencing love, or friendship)
Now
The third, most exponential passion
Astrology
The absolute most mind-wrenchingly perfect combination of the cosmos and Psychology
It welcomes me to solve my instinctive, cerebral yearning drive to probe into someone
else's mind, soul, body and see them for exactly who they are
in their natural soul state
Astrology explains everything, absolutely everything
I ever was, am, and will be. It is so incredibly dead accurate about me that
shying away from this study would be the biggest lie to myself
I became genuinely interested and educated in Astrology during an odd time
during my metamorphosis/enlightenment, but has definitely
molded my energies into who I am today, right now at this very moment (cliché, yes I know)
and guided me toward true, deep, self love and a mind of endless possibility
The feeling I experience when I am speaking to anyone about Astrology and they
ask me all these questions about it,
being able to give them in-depth answers is the greatest
feeling in the world
I lose complete track of time and could talk over night not realizing
how long I have been talking for

It's the passions like these that make life beautiful
The passions like these make one wonder, act, and seize
the things they were destined to be here for.
I am blessed by the Universe Herself
Her love for me is so pure and prominent that I have fallen in love
with Her
Maybe this will all come together in some sort of way
that would make me think
"So this is why..."
I wonder
I love
I see

Buddhism fills my soul and mind with the most pleasant of vibes and energies
Makes me feel as if I was already Buddhist in my past lives
The peace and wisdom it brings is like the freshest breath I ever took
The willpower
The strength of the lion
The mind
Wise beyond my years
I am able to conquer the evilest of obstacles
My soul is invincible
Happiness is nowhere out there
The Dharma is deep
Deep within the crevices of my eternal soul

Thick, metal chains wrap around her neck and lungs
Grip tighter and tighter with every day she's forced to put on a front
She is sweating
And breathing hard
Her breaths feel short and quick
White knuckling the chains and pulling as hard as she can
With all her mind power, demanding to break free
But nothing happens
She remains stuck
It is pitch black
And ice cold
And though she is suffering worse than ever before
Her mind stays pure and divine
Strong willed and unbreakable
Buddhism has saved her mind and soul
She is aware of her mental strength
And grateful for her beautiful fate
But the somber reality of her current state is hell
Frustration is her motivation and her gift of self love is immaculate
Soon the chains will disintegrate
And she will run wildly into the land of balance and harmony that she's already created for her soul

Holding silent stillness
The becoming of nonexistence
Simultaneously permeating the atmospheric realm
As the acmes of the hexagon ease into falling disintegration
Remaining unmoved by mediums
Consistent in the mind and abandoning anything but
Observing in the absence of eyes
So quickly it's slow
Slowly consuming awareness
The clearest quality of a vast
Pulsating
Clarity-filled
Boundless trance

I begin by sharing a quote

“I think that we are like stars. Something happens to burst us open; but when we burst open and think we are dying; we’re actually turning into a supernova. And then when we look at ourselves again, we see that we’re suddenly more beautiful than we ever were before.” ― C. JoyBell C.

They say that if you do what you love
You’ll never work a day in your life
It wasn’t until recently that I realized and felt what it really is that I love to do
What it really is that could maintain constant without growing increasingly melancholy over time
(Like most other things for me)

In the simplest of words
That quote is exactly what happened to me
I say "happened" as if it hasn’t happened again
But it has
Multiple times now
The first was the most invigorating
The broadest and most awakening
As the continuity of life and Dukkha occur
I find myself growing familiar with the course
Just like drugs
It gets less euphoric
Not as magical
But instead gets replaced with a deeper, clearer understanding of the experience and outcome
Something much more impactful and deeply rooted
It now alters my consciousness and awareness

Since the first time
I have felt an internal urge
To share my experience with anyone who’s willing to listen
Whether it be by prose
Or ******
It is mentally and spiritually rewarding

My goal has always been to be the burst to someone
The burst that opens them up and launches their soul into a metamorphosis where the outcome is them becoming a supernova
Just like I did
The idea of I vanishes when speaking/writing about the ecstasy and liberation I gain by sharing the experiences of my spiritual journey
And when I am able to witness my passion for telling so reaching and sinking into someone else’s mind
Feelings of exciting wholesomeness fill me
When I'm able to observe someone else’s awareness lift to their surface because of my words and energies
Exponential ecstasy hugs and diffuses into my soul
Using eloquence to uplift others is my gift from the Universe herself
It is my personal way of showing gratitude and love for Her
I realized that humans all connect and grow together when I felt the uplifting I had instilled in others reciprocated into me
I want to heal others
I want to guide them towards their own spiritual awareness
This universal love and compassion for life itself and everything in, around, and about it is far too majestic and vast to not share with the world
The intuition and urge is persistent
I am currently searching for the perfect environment for it to flourish within me
And when I do
The final Truth will emerge

I can feel it burning inside of me
This gnawing, persistent, lustful passion that I possess for you
My chest feels warm and my mind is high
I've yet to comprehend how I am able to feel such a feeling for something I've never held
I crave you, and I long to tell you my passions through my lips

I barely had a social life growing up
And not because I couldn't make friends
I was just never interested in what everybody else was doing
I was more concerned with poetry and meditation
New York City and space exploration
I did not care to get drunk
And take hundreds of pictures of myself intoxicated for no reason at all
I was learning astrology
And becoming mesmerized by Psychology, philosophy, and art
I was questioning religion and science
While my peers were questioning which party to go to that night
And when they were planning what to do that weekend
I was planning what to do with the rest of my life

I found my soul alone on Magic Mushrooms in my mother's bathtub
I found Buddhism
The absolute best thing that has ever entered my life
I'd prefer hanging out with my family over kids from school almost any day
And though many will read this and assume I was lonely
I rarely ever was
I thoroughly enjoyed spending my weekends alone
I enjoyed hearing just my thoughts and allowing my mind to wander endlessly
And I wouldn't take any of it back
I love myself
And am so excited to spend the rest of my life with myself
My peers may have gotten popularity and admiration
But I got wisdom and self love

I don't believe my life has started yet
I believe that everything good coming to me, hasn't yet arrived
I know I am destined for something beautiful and great

A sheer pink lip balm

A harsh light bulb-lit reflection
Deep, tired, dark circles
That outermost omnipresent aloofness

Dark 00's and midriff
The cold, 6:00 am, hollow and dim living room
Seriously demeaning and only aware introspectively
Noble-felt, harshly observed silence

First, the summit most deeply craved and sensually submissive to
Clarity and optimism
Motivation and kindness
But impending soon after
A permanent loneliness, soullessness, sadness and a vast emptiness
The every day conscience

Hours spent absorbing the stillest silence possible
Not being able to think full thoughts or talk to oneself
All that's distinguished is feeling paralyzed in the mind
Harsh bathroom lights
Loud, rough water filling the bathtub
Staring as the repetitive breathing moves the water line back then forth
Up then down
Slow moving and eerily melancholy

Continues

2 am... 3 am... 4 am...

Physically exhausted and still
Lethargic bones
Mentally continuous, even rapid, and imaginative

Consisting of only slightly heavy, controlled  breaths and an idled pause
Everything is paused except the mind

The body goes without
Naturally retracting from the mind
Counting the minutes until the alarm goes off
Arises to feel disoriented
Resolves with more
A light-dark shimmer and brown boots
Perfectly placed lips
A sharp nose and a sunken aura
That craving, comfortable normal attained

It all resurfaces
The smell of that time
The mentally formed associations
Cold like the winter, early mornings and the fluorescent light
Cigarettes like the emptiness, somber, bitterness and silence

Oppressive but so liberating
Depressive but so enthralling
It smells malignity pleasure-filled

A sheer pink lip balm

I tend to get these intense, random waves of clarity and realization
I feel light as a feather
And for literally 3 seconds
Everything makes sense
I somehow manage to tell myself "remember this feeling so you can describe it"
But I never can find the words
Or the pen and paper in time
I wish our brains kept a log of all our thoughts and emotions
And we could somehow access them...

The Universe
She is in you
You breathe Her
Both inhale and exhale
She is the goosebumps on your skin
And the sweat on the soles of your feet
She is the curiosity you possess
Your consciousness
Your frontal lobe and pineal gland
Your posture and your aura
She is your euphoric first high
And Psilocybin Mushroom trip
I long for everyone to feel the concept that The Universe is truly
everything we see, touch, think, feel, speak and write
The steps towards one-ness
Towards self love and universal acceptance
Is instantly magical

I preach to just about everyone I meet that The Universe makes no mistakes. That everything in the entire world is exactly as it is because that's exactly how it’s supposed to be. If it wasn’t supposed to be, it wouldn’t be. When entering any kind of metamorphosis or spiritual pilgrimage, it is crucial to keep the latter in mind. Trust in the Universe is the biggest, most crucial element of the Path of liberation. Only with complete trust in the Universe can one have little to no doubt, worry, fear, anxieties, remorse, or regret.

2 AM and the grass is moist
Cricket's chirps are on loop
Every time I close my eyes, I see something new
It is humid and serene
Eyes fixed on the illuminating stars
In Pungo
Where One is a little closer to nature
A majestic July night

The blue lit space of that barn is now my personal utopia
The ladder a tree with strong branches
The moon a never-ending smile
At this moment, my endless melody sings forever filling my soul with wonder

Is it wrong to think so differently?
To perceive this world as pure beauty?
Is it just me who wants life to be this peaceful for everybody?

This world is timeless; universe infinite
I am nothing but a speck
I am something not even I can decipher

I feel every beat and moment as pain
Heart-wrenchingly, beautiful, euphoric pain
The sorrow feels almost refreshing

My soul is swimming inside me
Simultaneously building up while breaking down
Slowly contracting
Slowly expanding
Light and deep motions all at once
Harmonious
Moving in melody and rhythm
Inside me continues to contract and expand

When I exhale
I exhale deeper
My physicality only mirrors my experiencing soul of pain inside

This is what pain feels like
It is by far the most raw of a feeling
Identifying it as a feeling seems disrespectful
It is much greater
It is an experience
A spiritual
Mental
Auric experience
While killing it heals

We do not just live on Earth
And we do not just belong to Earth
Matter of fact
We are Earth
Everything we're made up of is Earth
Our flesh, hair, skin and bones
We are meant to live as one with Her
We are equipped and designed to live off of the land

We do not criticize Mother Nature
Nor do we attempt altering Her to make her "better"
Therefore; do not criticize your Self
And do not alter your Self
We were made flawless
Society has created "flaws"
Not Mother Nature
We believe She is perfect
We see Her beauty in everything She is
Why don't we feel the same about our Selves?
There are numerous flower breeds
Yet we find them all impeccable and uplifting
Us humans are just as much a part of nature as everything we see around us is
The trees, the sun, birds and the ocean
We do not pin point a single tree
Or a single bird
And look for its faults and imperfections
It's nature
It is simply perfect
And there is no justifiable reason as to why we don't see our fellow humans the same

A writer craves their own creativity
An addiction of its own
The measures they go to to feel something craved
So they can feel so deeply to create
The eyes they put on
The roles they wear
So they can write about it, reflect on it later
The thirsty soul

Since the age of five
The same dream has visited me every night I've slept with a fever
A lucid dream
Mindlessly wondering for all these years
What does this dream mean?

The fever approaches
I am eager to sleep that night
I know exactly where I'll be going

The color scheme is Sepia
I am living on the prairie
About 30 years old
I am calm and full of peace
Content
I am sitting on a rocking chair on a porch
The view is impeccable
Beautiful open land
And a serene sunset to match
I feel I am one with my surroundings
I have been here my whole life and don't know any different
Nor do I feel as if I want to know any different
I am home
The scene quickly fades
A new one arises

I am now sitting inside my home at table
Turned to the side
There is a barrel full of water in front of me
I am wringing a rag
Washing clothes with my hands
I sense I am a mother
Once again
The scene fades
A new vision is present

Holding a rake
Raking the fields for crops
I look up and see my home
Small and cozy
I sense the feeling of pure comfort
The sun is warm
I somehow am aware that I have a family
Yet I never see them

I have no thoughts during this dream
I only feel
The dream hasn't changed once
And my fevers never fail to take me back
To what I firmly believe
Was my *past life

I have always discerned not only my pieces
But all prose
As art
Literary, amorphous, atmospheric art
My reason being the way we consume and admire it
Paintings and sculptures are admired by the eyes
Put on display to observe
Music
By the ears
Played loud or quietly to feel its effects
Culinary
By the mouth
To share and reward
But only prose is absorbed through the soul and our consciousness
There are no novels painted onto sides of buildings
Or poems playing from car speakers
Prose requires a deeper awareness to appreciate
And the rareness of that depth is what causes me to feel this way about it

The inspiration that concieves my pieces are birthed during spiritual acmes of various dispositions
My style is more prose-like than poetic
And intertwines elements regarding the Universe, spirituality, Buddhism, and Mother Earth
All that I compose is felt as the flesh of my soul

Although I have been writing for as long as I can recall
It wasn't until the age of 15 that I began composing complete solid pieces of prose
Though it hasn't been very many years since then
I have witnessed my eloquence emanate fairly quickly and beautifully

Translating my soul into language is the core of what I do
It is a challenge at times
Others
A breeze
I hope to compile my pieces into something tangible some day
Releasing my auric energies into the world for everyone who pleases to read and feel from me

Human death is the metamorphosis*
Our bodies are born on earth
We take our first breaths
And our first steps
Here on earth

But our souls
To them
Birth and death do not exist
Purity and the ultimate truth are all that do

As our physical bodies belong here on earth
Our souls belong to another medium of existence
This realm I speak of is limitless and undefined
It consumes matter

We experience human life temporarily to expand our auric embodiment
Death and rebirth weave to sustain continuity
For continuity is vital to both realms

Human death is the metamorphosis
The transition between this realm and the other

Do not conclude your conscious mind can decide when to enter
Only the universe herself knows when it is time

Euphoria will gracefully arise and settle gently yet strong
No more questions will remain
The answers will be embedded in you
Not in the mind

To be afraid of an all encompassing metamorphosis is to be fooled
This is truth
Allow it to dissolve into you

Rain approaches timidly
With random droplets in the beginning
Gradually gaining confidence
She allows herself to be seen
She hugs the deep grounded soil
And therefore gives Mother Earth life
She is serene and steady
Her voice therapeutic
As peaceful as she came
She hides once again

Feelings are inevitable, but
Life is a beautiful thing

Tough exteriors may crack, so
Be prepared to sink

Experience is immaculate,
When you know how to use it

Find your passion, and
Don't lose it

Silence divulges into me all I need to hear
Leisurely and trance like
Enveloping my entire make-up
Powerfully gentle
Nurturing-ally soft
Warm, vast yet comfortably compact within its nothingness
Such a healing form of pleasure
An acme of its own
Aggressively soft and beautiful aims for my deepest
From there, radiating back outward
Seeping and sinking through and into my skin
This is my periodic rebirth
Ultimate bliss in this
In this music

The disappointing truth is
No one likes you when you are happy
Or good at what you do
Or possess something they want

The rewarding truth is
Being an unbound soul
Maintaining noble silence
Observing and absorbing
Leads to something only few can understand

Time and people pass
Changing constantly
Situations
Problems and challenges
I promise they are only temporary
And it is the soul that can feel detached from it all that reaches real happiness
The one that can soak up all the experience it can
And remember it
Feel it
Study it
Look at it objectively without "I"

And then leave it
Forget and store it at once
That really wins

Just like chapters, phases and steps
They all lead to one truth
One understanding
That will make sense in the far long run

Realize that life and experiences are happening right before your eyes
This very moment

It is the depth of questioning
And the peak of ultimate
awareness
That cause me the greatest sorrow