The crashing feeling
The stress inducing
The nauseating
The heart racing

Feeling

Constant fear
Constant feelings of doubt
The feeling that something bad
Is going to happen
I wish for no more
Stress
Nausea
          
I wish for no more    
  Anxiety

all the noises echoing around me,
the sounds getting stuck
bouncing around inside my skull,
the feet tapping
those pens dropping
that page turning
my mind as clear as a blizzard day,
hearing every little creek,
over and over,
higher and higher,
faster and faster,
my brain never stops,
these sounds can’t escape,
nobody can see it, but…

…the silence has never been so loud

Once when I was little, I had to go to a nicer place and I needed something “fancy”
…Fancy…
What is fancy? Is it a dress with a bow or a suit with a tie…
Is fancy a stereotype of gender or is it just clothing…
Is fancy a GIRL in a dress and a bow or is it a BOY in a suit and tie

How can I be fancy if I am not the girl in the dress or the boy in the suit

When I’m not ok but I say I’m fine
I’m not
I think
If I walk into the road I would get hit and it would be over
If I slit my wrists it would be over
If I put that rope around my neck and jump it would be over
If I drank the window cleaner it would be over
If I jumped of the building it would be over
But if they ask I say I’m okay