I loved you and I never lied

We walked the nights under neon lights, and you showed me the other side of life
We ran wild and crazy through the streets, then crashed hard and talked real deep
Oh and you kissed me under the sheets

You made me feel alive
And you were a breath of fresh air upon my lungs
I thought for sure you were the one I was looking for all this time
So we danced and dipped and sometimes tripped but we sang endless songs

I loved you and I never lied
But I’m sorry I chose to walk so blind

You held me close but I felt alone and I couldn’t say exactly why, believe me I tried
You gave me the love I never had but you tore me apart time and time and time again
Oh and I only ever got half-truths and drunken confessions

You broke my heart more than once
You broke my trust half a dozen times
So you cried those beautiful tears and we kissed to make up
And I forgave you because I’m a sucker for those eyes
But we crossed the line and for that I truly apologize

I loved you and I never lied
But you were killing me all the time

So I said my last goodbye
Moved out of state because I needed the space
And now that I’m gone I’m glad I moved on
I hope you’re doing well and I’m sorry you’re going through hell
But the world has a way, and what goes around comes around, is what they say

Standing in the doorway I see the man larger than life lying in the bed
Tubes running from his hands and head.
I had heard the news but couldn’t believe it was true.

Sitting in the chair I listen to the familiar raspy voice,
But it’s so weak and soft, everything this man is not.
Tears brimming my eyes I hung my head low
I want to cry,
I want to scream,
I want to wake from this terrible dream.

I couldn’t bear the sight of this man weak and feeble
I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him
So I said he would be fine, just keep hanging on
Before you know it we’ll be back to those projects left incomplete
I’ll tell you then how much you mean to me
I’ll say everything I always wanted you to know
But not until you’re out of this white wall death lingering hell hole

Standing in the doorway I saw the life slipping away
But couldn’t accept what was right in front of me
There is so much left unsaid but life is short is what they say
I prayed that he would have more time that day
But we all have to go soon or later

I love you grandpa
I don’t know if you realize it but you were like a father to me
If it weren’t for you I would have walked a very different path
I listened whenever you talked because I wanted to be just like you
In fact if I can be half the man you were I would be proud of who I am

I wish I had could have said what was on my mind
But life is short and it was simply your time
I love you but I must put my regrets to rest
Say my final goodbye
And though you’ll always be in my heart
Your memory won’t have the painful sting of things left unsaid.
I love you grandpa,

Goodbye…

I've said to much although I haven't said enough

To explain to you the depth of my inner trials.

there is something with in me or around me
and its been trailing me for miles.

You watch as I rot inside my cage
getting lost in a purple haze
Like a mouse stuck in it's maze
wake up late to one of those days

Let's look deep inside
we have nothing to hide
Sidewalks filled with heads
the sought corruption of the walking dead

pillars, columns & staircases
We leave a lasting trace
spread out upon are Peyton Place
You must walk in the almighty's ways

creatures, features & moonlight dealers
Blood soaked skin on their brow
lines formed in their face
Viscous long hanging fangs that bite

Creatures of the night
fallen demonic members that surround
Sound the alarm
not for the faint in hearted

One must humbly bow the knee to pray
the atheist would insist it aught not be this way
Shadows break forth toward a bond of revolt
others seek vengeance and take you to court

Evil minds that plug destruction
torturing their brain washed minds
Satan laughing spreads his wings
a challenge to be free is a question of time

If I could **** a memory
I'd **** the ones of you and me
Cause honestly,
none of them are worth remembering.

The good ones make me smile
but they call my heart a liar
And besides they were just a short reprieve

The bad ones keep me up at night
Wishing I could set things right
And they just cut me deeper still

Honestly,
I only stayed because I'm a sucker for a heart that needs healing

If I could **** a memory
would you let me sleep in peace
Would you please leave my dreams
and let me be.

I am a fragment
of a broken home,
parents that were
never meant for
one another
but tried their best
to love as if
they were.
They tried to
hold it together
for us kids
but life could never
be what we wanted
it to be.

I am a fragment
of my demons,
the voice
in my head
that tells me
over and over again,
"you're not enough."
There are some days
where that voice
feels greater
than my own
and I almost want to
give in.

I am a fragment
of failed relationships.
You told me I was
"too much."
It felt like daggers
in my chest
and suddenly
I couldn't breathe.
Since then,
I have always felt
I've needed to hold
myself back
and not drown in love.

I am a fragment
of the hell I've
been through.
It wasn't easy
to get to where
I am today.
My journey was
a little ragged,
not a straight shot...
but I'm still
standing tall and
going through
this thing we call
life.

I'm a fragment
of the songs
I've played
over and over again.
Some to block out
the pain,
the tears.
Others to reach
a state of nostalgia,
in an attempt
to go back to moments
I wished to relive.

I am a fragment
of those I surround
myself with.
The constant encouragement,
the kind words,
the shoulders to lean on,
the ability to understand
why I'm like this.
Where would I be
without it?

I am a fragment
of the books I've read.
The lines I underlined
to come back to again,
the characters I saw
a piece of myself in,
the events I read about
that hit home
a little too hard.

I am a fragment
of my flaws,
my mistakes,
my imperfections.
They've eaten me alive
for most of my life
but I am beginning
to come to terms
with them.
I am seeing
the beauty I once
refused to see
within them.

I am a fragment
of my emotions.
They were always
valid and real
despite those who
tried to convince me
otherwise.
The smiles and laughs
were just as significant
as the screams and tears.
I tell myself,
"you were never crazy...
you were just figuring
yourself out."

I am a fragment
of love.
Those that I loved,
those that never
loved me.
The times that
love evoked
happiness,
the times that
love caused me
pain.
It's all the same
when you think
about it.
It was all for,
love.

I am a fragment
of the woman
I was and
the woman I am.
I didn't always
love myself like this
but god, I'm glad I
now do...
because this is something
that can never be
taken away from me.