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Apr 2017
Standing in the doorway I see the man larger than life lying in the bed
Tubes running from his hands and head.
I had heard the news but couldn’t believe it was true.

Sitting in the chair I listen to the familiar raspy voice,
But it’s so weak and soft, everything this man is not.
Tears brimming my eyes I hung my head low
I want to cry,
I want to scream,
I want to wake from this terrible dream.

I couldn’t bear the sight of this man weak and feeble
I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him
So I said he would be fine, just keep hanging on
Before you know it we’ll be back to those projects left incomplete
I’ll tell you then how much you mean to me
I’ll say everything I always wanted you to know
But not until you’re out of this white wall death lingering hell hole

Standing in the doorway I saw the life slipping away
But couldn’t accept what was right in front of me
There is so much left unsaid but life is short is what they say
I prayed that he would have more time that day
But we all have to go soon or later

I love you grandpa
I don’t know if you realize it but you were like a father to me
If it weren’t for you I would have walked a very different path
I listened whenever you talked because I wanted to be just like you
In fact if I can be half the man you were I would be proud of who I am

I wish I had could have said what was on my mind
But life is short and it was simply your time
I love you but I must put my regrets to rest
Say my final goodbye
And though you’ll always be in my heart
Your memory won’t have the painful sting of things left unsaid.
I love you grandpa,

Goodbye…
When I was eighteen I lost my grandpa who was like a father to me since my father had long since been out of the picture. I loved him ever so dearly and at the time I couldn't accept life without him so I squandered my opportunity to tell him everything he meant to me and I always regretted that ever since. This piece is simply a small amount of what I wish I could have told him in person but it means so much to me. I still write him letters from time to time but it always hurts because I regret this time in my life so incredibly much. I hope with this I can remind myself to let go of that and simply remember the good and not let the regrets seep in.
Matthew A Cain
Written by
Matthew A Cain  23/M/St. Louis, Mo
(23/M/St. Louis, Mo)   
527
     Carina, Moonshine Noire and ---
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