Dec 2017 Marion
sarah
today didn’t go as i planned.
i lost control around 10:00 am
when i felt as though a lung had collapsed
i had to take a (not-so) quick breather
in the stall of the girls bathroom
where i sat on the cold tile floor
i wanted to cry but no tears came
i wanted to scream but i couldn’t make a sound
i wanted to call you but then i remembered
so i sat there surrounded by the emptiness
only sound was my heavy breathing
and the a.c. clicking on and off occasionally
i wish i could do that with my emotions
turn them off when i get too cold
Marion Dec 2017
i am, what my friends so sarcastically yet exasperatedly say, 'an idiot'
why?
for many reasons
one being, it takes a solid ten seconds for anything even the slightest bit confusing to dawn on me and when it does it is expressed in the form of an over excited "oh yeah!"
"remember the english homework we got last week?"
.........
"oh yeah!"
two, i cannot drink and not drink to excess- but i'm working on it, i promise you best friends who have looked after me far too much on nights out where we should be dancing but instead they're holding my hands as i throw up ***** and cry over the dog that had wandered into the pub
three- all good things come in threes, right?
i'm an idiot because i care too much
not in the sense that i care too much for my friends and family, or that i care about what other people may think of me
no, i care too much about the boy that has already forgotten about me
i care too much about how he is and where he is and how he is and how he is and
he doesnt care about me
he's living his own life, like everyone else in this world, taking pictures and smoking **** and making friends and drinking coffee and doing what he does best while i sit here writing this poem wondering if he ever loved me
i dont think he did
i was just a distraction from her, who he said he was over but then why were her pictures still up on his wall staring directly at me when we would lie and talk about nothing and everything for hours and i was nowhere to be seen despite how he claimed i was "his favourite person" and now i know how little i meant to him because i am back here drowning and he is safe on land and he does not care
but i do
i'm sorry i'm an idiot
but my friends also say that it is endearing how i react to finally understanding a conversation, i can live with that
my friends say that i'll learn my lesson, and i most definitely have because i'm never drinking ***** again
my friends also say he didnt appreciate me, that he took me for granted and that i deserve better
i'm still working on that part.
an unedited ramble straight from my brain that i decided to call a poem
Marion Nov 2017
Crushed flowers are beautiful,
dried, pressed
not useful but certainly nice to look at
My sister affectionately called me a 'delicate little flower' one of the many times you made me break down, crushed from false accusation
until i eventually dried up
pressed myself until the pain no longer hurt.
I wondered why i had become such a fragile thing
shouldn't heartbreak build you up, a learning experience rather than reducing you to a few petals and a stem.
i feel more like a tree
green and great during the warm summer months
unaware of the freezing winter winds that will blow away all my protective leaves. barren. cold.
i hope someday i will become evergreen
beautiful, tall, luscious and full- pine or cedar or spruce
staying fragrant all year round

but for now i remain a daisy
nothing special
dried, pressed and crushed between these pages, within these words.
wrote this after my biology exam today
  Nov 2017 Marion
Sam Lylin
I’m sorry I gave up on you
I’m sorry that I needed to
I’m sorry that I left your side
I’m sorry that you always lied

I never should have trusted you
You always seemed so good, so true
I shouldn’t have believed your lies
I should have seen through your disguise

Gradually, you took my heart
Turned my mind to abstract art
Told me how you loved me so
Then stood up to pack and go

Three words I never should have said
That let you straight into my head
I said I love you
I meant I love you
You knew I loved you

Three more words are on my lips
Words I know will never fix
Anything you put me through
Even if you miss me too

I miss you
Or maybe I don’t miss you
I just miss the person I thought you were

Now I don’t know who to trust
‘Cause all we were has turned to dust
  Nov 2017 Marion
olb
I remember everything
Even the things I don't want to remember
They come rushing back
and punch me in the face
It paralizes me mometarily
and makes me think
No wonder
it makes me wonder why
and how
and even what-if
I kept your memories in a box
in my closet
You threw mine away
with no care in the world
I wanted them back
and now they are thrown away like trash
Maybe you don't think of me
because you threw away my memories
So maybe when I rid of yours
those insulting memories will go away as well
Marion Oct 2017
i stand, rotting
a small wooden structure in a large city
barren and empty
one window, a single pane of glass

surrounded by skyscrapers
tall and terrifying
yet they too,
they too are rotting
windows smashed,
cavernous corridors tainted by crude slogans,
abused.

my small frame is fragile,
a foundation that is questionable,
my walls are depending on these skyscrapers
willing them to stay tall and terrifying
yet they are crumbling at the edges,
the debris beginning to become almost too heavy on my roof.
an ode to my friends and the people surrounding me. everyone is not always as they seem
Marion Oct 2017
hopelessness
a poison infecting my system
rendering me paralysed
the world around me
mirroring the darkness of my mind
i look forward to nothing
all i see ahead of me
is an opaque abyss
and i fall
uncaring
unmoving.
i'm trying
i promise
i'm sorry
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