the father's arms
hold the girl close
he feels her weak heartbeat
against his chest
in his mind
he is desperately seeking
for help
   an answer
   some advise
   a sign of reassurance
               that this child
   will be okay
that this creature
    a part of him
a living being that he helped create
will survive this
she must pull through
she has to
for without her
he has no purpose
no reason
her life was planned
   mapped out
in his soul
years before
since the very beginning
of him
without him there would be no her
but without her
he also, will cease to exist.

Tell me when it was
The first time you learned to hate yourself
The first time you tripped over your own fault lines
And started taking caution in every step
When did it happen?
Was it at 10?
When your shaking hands couldn't hold still
And the shame of them drove you into isolation
Maybe it's because others noticed
Or because they did their best to make it clear you were different
I don't think you know
That the rhythm you had and still have
Is unlike the rest
It is crooked and uneven but beautiful nonetheless
You didn't know it then
And accepting unsteadiness is easier said than done

Tell me when it was
The first time you learned to hurt yourself
Could it have been at 13?
When the weight of too much pressure motivated you to lose it
To the point where bones stuck out more than your voice
Loud girl became quiet that year
And then even more so the next
When your changing body didn't morph the way you would have liked it to
Left you shaped uncomfortably
A little too top heavy
The kind that drew unwanted attention
At a time when standing out was the last thing you desired
You turned skin into a battlefield into remnants from too many losses
Wrists became front lines, then hips, then neck until
You became too much destruction to keep the war going
You learned that it is impossible to win in a fight against yourself

Tell me when it was
The first time you learned to forget yourself
Was it at 15?
When the sacrifice of your body wasn't enough
To make a careless boy love you
It was a silly thing to give it all away
When you barely had enough of you for yourself
Your efforts changed after that
Trying too hard turned into not trying at all
Feeling too much turned into feeling nothing at all
You learned to repress and erase
And start over in the morning
You have been heavy from trying to hide away for so long

Tell me when it is
The first time you learn to love yourself
Will finally be after all of the years of disappointment?
Of self-deprecation?
When you realize you deserve more
Than to be the dust swept off to the side
Deserve better than to be an ashed out version of your potential
You were not meant to be wasted
You were not meant to be washed out and pushed down
You were meant to stand tall

The first time you learn to love yourself
Will be when you realize flaw is inevitable
When your skin turns itself different colors
And nothing can be done to change it
You will then learn acceptance

The first time you learn to love yourself
Will be when you stop comparing
When you look in the mirror and see only yourself in the reflection
Nobody else
You were meant to be here
You were meant to embrace it all
This body
This skin
This image
The only one you will ever have
The same one you will have to love
And eventually you will,
You'll learn how to.

There once was a boy who loved the moon,
He wasn't liked the rest.
For him, the girls would swoon,
Devotion proved a test.

The girls would come and go,
All with broken hearts.
"I hate you, boy" he said, "I know",
Bluntness was his art.

Then she came and made him feel,
He knew it'd be his doom.
But when they kissed, it felt so real..
He considered becoming a groom.

Then one day she decided to leave,
The boy didn't know what to do,
Without the girl he couldn't breathe.
He thought she felt that way too..

Finally one night, he figured it out,
But it wasn't something to boon.
He was sure, without a doubt,
She was the girl who loved the moon.

Love used to have meaning, but now it's a casual word.
Used with strangers, celebrities, it's getting quite absurd.

When someone says I love you, this is what it should say:
I will be beside you, and take your pain away.
I promise I will hold you, when you're sad or scared.
I promise I will fix your heart when it needs repaired.
I'm never going to leave you, I'll never shed a tear.
I'll do my best to be brave, and hide my every fear.
I'll mend your broken pieces, and patch them up tight.
Hold your hand and be a shield when you have no fight.
Never will I betray you, never will I lie.
When times get too hard to bear, I'll be the one to try.
If you're feeling lonely, lost and unaware.
Crawl into my open arms, you'll be safer there.

When I say I love you, that's the promise I make.
So if you say it back to me, be sure it's no mistake.

There’s a post-it on my mirror that reads,
“You are enough.”
I still remember the day I placed it there,
long after the initial dust settled
from the gunfire I started beneath my own skin
like the itch of an insect trying to gnaw its way in,
and I blamed the bullets on the loader of the gun,
but someone had to pull the trigger.
So much time has passed now
that I forget it sticks there,
funny how a reminder can become
so commonplace,
how I can look in that mirror every day
and never once notice the three words
that used to empower me.

But today I did.

Life is just a balancing act
of continuous changes and steadfast invariability,
but my own scale has always favored
one side more than the other
and never the side I desire.
Sometimes I don’t recognize that reflection anymore
but in best way imaginable.
The fingers that pressed the note to glass
were weak, overly trusting, and dependent,
but the eyes that watch its message today
have witnessed its every honest actuality.
I am enough.

I.
am.
enough.

But maybe now
it’s become too true.

Tell me something about you
Something nobody else knows
Show some truths
Reveal to me your soul
Don't make it too obvious
Hide your secrets within ink
Not too long and not too short
But make me think
Make me guess
Help me to understand
Write out your dark confessions
And I'll be your biggest fan

you are
the words
that flow from my mind

you are
the shine
that fills in my eyes

you are
the inspiration of all i do
and i really think
i love you