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Philomena Mar 2019
Some days I can't believe you are in my life
You just seem so perfect
And I'm really not
I can't believe you love me
Tolerate me
And care for me
Even when I'm not at my best
And I know I don't deserve you
But for some reason you stay
And I'm so happy to have you in my life
Don't really know what to even say to you lightly feel like I'm constantly messing up.
Philomena Feb 2019
They would have me believe that I am useless
Something to be ashamed of
And even after you arrived people saw it that way
Like a stray you took pity on
And you changed all of that
You refused to believe the stories
And you shut out the hateful people
And you saw something in me for once
And maybe that's why I loved you so much
Because you rebuilt me
And maybe I love you now still for that
For giving me purpose and meaning
And for showing me that I can stand on my own
So thank you
Thank you for believing in me when no one did
You were one of the only good things I left behind
Philomena Feb 2019
It watching the minute hand
Every moment getting closer and closer
Time itself counting down
And soon, but not soon enough
I will wrap you up in my arms and hold you
I miss you all so much.
Philomena Feb 2019
Grab me
Hold me close
And look into my eyes
Sweep me off my feet
And kiss me like no tomorrow
Philomena Feb 2019
I was standing in Walmart when I sent that text
Asking you to the dance  
Now when I asked you to the dance it was never an actual invitation to actually dance with you
Just a scared girl making a very small step
And you said yes
And I could not have been any happier
Now fast froward to that day and I couldn't take a single step in your direction
I didn't know how to face you
And so I left the money for you to get into the dance at the table and hid in the crowd
And soon you were in and I had to stop hiding  
You were funny as always and I loved it
You brought me out to dance and it was great
You made me feel like no one else ever had.
And the first slow dance came and I wasn't able to dance with you  
And I was so mad
But given time the second slow song came on
And in that moment I froze
It felt like forever had passed while I tried to think of what to do
And my brain panicked and said run
But my heart said dance
So in that moment I held out my hand
And you took it
And I was swept off my feet
And at the end of the night I wasn't ready to say goodbye
But like that night all things must end.
I miss those days
Philomena Feb 2019
Oh?
So you're "over it"
I'm sure you are baby
But hear's the thing
I miss you
I miss you're smile
And miss your laugh
I miss always having lunch with you
And I miss never feeling alone
I miss the way you can turn a nightmare of a day into a dream
And I miss the way you play that beautiful music
I miss the dances
And the kisses
I miss the way you always built me up
And I miss the way you made me whole
And judging by the way you looked so shaken to see me
I think you miss me a little too.
Why do boys always have to put on their big boy pants and act like emotions don't exist.
Philomena Feb 2019
Normal people can find joy in normal ways
But I find joy in the pain
The sweet release from the numbness
The rigor of the sting
And as steel meets skin
Here I fall again
I didn't cut because I wanted to die, I did it to stay alive.
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