I don't belong here
In this flesh
Going to this dirt,
I belong to
the fire, the wind,
The sky.....

I am not the night nor the stars,
But the dream experienced.

I am not the touch or the hand,
But the soft kiss of the lips.

I am not the life or the death,
But the spirit of us.

You are not the sun or the moon,
But the light of my eyes.

You are not the rose or its thorns,
But its red like life blood.

You are not the door or the room,
You are home.

I am no one without you,
I dont know what else to write,
Only that where you go I will follow.

Fear.

Has picked up my trail
Is looking to find me.

Fear.*

He's right on my tail
He's coming to bind me.

I run through the night
I'm looking behind me.
With no one in sight
I'm running to find me.

Where would I go?
How would I get there?
Will I ever come back?
Would anyone care?

I'm outrunning fear
Running to find me
Who will come near
And help me come find me.

Out of nowhere it strikes me
I fall to the ground
Out of nowhere it fights me 
From pain do I drown

Away from the pain
I go and I swim
But what will I gain 
If I actually win.

I'm running away 
But there's something I lack
I know I can't stay
But do I have to go back?

8/3/13

I am to have Star Wars treatment,
placed in ******* in my space, 
laced and strapped and branded, 
ready for initiation fires
to permeate my skin, purge my sin, 

enter in to places undesired, 
exercise the halls that have inspired, 
pacify the devils now within, 
banish, excommunicate their whim,
starve them, beat them, flail them, shrivel them,
send them packing fast, 

save the rest a cavernous shell,
glean the remnants of my soul, 
change the negative into positive flow, 
a strange enlightenment method, 
so brutal, so brave, transformed, 
perhaps deformed and changed.

i know you'll leave me breathless and blue
yet i can't help but think about your sparkling eyes
and the way you creep into the space beside me at four in the morning,
when at 2 am you were probably still at some bar,
watching girls and boys from afar and feeling hollow.

i know you'll leave me dumbfounded and empty,
yet i can't help but think about the way you look at me intently
and take a smoke on your never ending cigarette
then you close your eyes and blow wisps of grey that surround us
for some reason, you'd look so beautiful in the haze and night
but that same smoke suffocates me so slowly.  

i know you'll leave me broken and silent,
yet i can't help but think about the way you wrote me that post card
when you said you hated writing
or the way you held me close the first time i got drunk,
and the next morning, half asleep with the sunlight piercing my eyes,
i felt you getting ready to leave without saying goodbye
yet you kissed me on the forehead.

and someday, i know you'll leave
yet i can't help but love you with the way you make me want to disappear
with the way you talk and write songs and drive to other places
without ever telling me when you're going to go

but i don't want you to go.