nothing makes me feel more alive
than when i’m gliding through soft snow

zooming down the cold, icy mountain
you feel the breeze bite your cheeks
skiing in between fir and fresh pine trees

i turn my music on louder
forget about my surroundings
just me, my ski's, and the powder

being lifted back up by the gondola
oh the sights you can see
counting footprints in the snow
a bunny rabbit or three

turn your back and look down at the living, breathing city
lights that mingle surrounded by deep green
you forget whether you are looking up at the night sky
or down below
at the beautiful sight of Vancouver

take me and my darlin up into the sky
and lay our bodies side by side

bury our bones under the willow tree
the time he took me by my arm and and stood on one knee

cut off circulation in our bodies
for now the only thing flowing through our blood
is one another’s memories

Me and my lover
our souls will ascend into nothingness
space will devour our mind and body
and the earth will reuse our flesh as fertilizer

we will merge in one and rest for eternity
the comfort of each other’s warmth keeping us at peace forever

every inch of your heart
beating

blood
pumping

body intertwined with mine

every strand of your hair
thick and soft

all the way down to your chin
cute and scruffy

every wrinkle on your palm
wondering
caressing my soft skin

every little twinkle in your eyes
dreamy and consuming

every little giggle
in between our kisses

that leaves me just speechless

i can’t get enough of every little inch of you

clear blue sky today
my mood has lifted

life has a nice fresh breeze to it
a happy gust of wind has been gifted to me
making me feel refreshed and alive

filling my lungs with cool air
helping me breath again

seasons are changing
new chapters are beginning

i feel my life has shifted
i no longer feel so conflicted

look at me from across the class
show me attention
my love, my love

i’ll tell you everything you wanna hear
heal your soul with my tears

i’ll give you warmth
i’ll give you life
i’ll give you the courage to fight your fears

give you a home in my arms at last

“hey”

just a simple word
but what does it mean?

after six months of silence
six excruciatingly depressing months
six month of self growth and perseverance
six months of never ending love and support from my friends

and then once that chapter in my life ended
and all is well
one lonely night you text me

“hey”

we’re you missing me
as the night sky fogged up your brain
and fished out your thoughts

was there some last words
that never slipped through your teeth
like the milky hue of smoke that seize’s your lungs
and escapes from your breath
to waltz with the cool breeze

what do you want from me?

what do you need?

i stare outside my window,
observing my own starry night.
my soul calling outwards,
pulling me into the blades of grass
where i lay restlessly.
no time.
no meaning.

i cant write
only scribble meaningless words
i cant eat
only hear my stomach's churns
i cant sleep
only remember things i wish i could forget
i cant feel
wish my whole life could just reset

oh forgive me father
for i have sinned

i let myelf fall again
my heart has been pinned

he who has hurt me
he who's light has dimmed

has breezed by me
like a cold wind

left my body all wobbly
as if its unlimbed

let me in
let me be your sunshine

let me in
let me be your light

ill show you a world
where trees smell like fresh pine

believe me
its a beautiful sight

im so dependant on my friends
there the only people that make me happy

when im alone
i just feel empty

a void

i put all there little notes and drawing around my room
so i can look around and smile

without them my room would feel discoloured and lonely

i wish all i needed was myself to feel content

i still have the love letter

its pinned on my wall
hidden under drawings and photos

i still have that stupid caticorn stuffed animal
its laying behind my bookshelf

i never have the courage to throw anything from you away

they're just sitting there

picking up dust

forgetting
but never letting go

like my feelings for you

I just want to hold her.
Sit with her through the night, have her fall asleep in my arms.
Watch her drift off with no more pain.
The world finally off of her shoulders.

I wish I could be the one to extract the black ink that runs in her veins.
I wish she’d look at me the way I look at her,
consumed by beauty.
I wish she’d let me make her happy.

But she doesn’t look at me that way.
And she never will.

My mind scares me.
It forms faces in the dark,
ominous and disturbing.
From the corners of my eye
I see beaming eyes and a face smirking.
I can never close them when Im alone.
Someone could be out there,
lurking.

It was Friday, March 23.
The sun was burning bright in a clear blue sky.
It was a beautiful day to fall in love.

After school my mother and I went to Macy’s to go prom dress shopping.
As soon as I walked into the store,
there they were.

They were sparkly,
twinkling to me from a distance as if they were saying
“Jenny! Come look at me!”.
Some were long and flowy,
and as they drooped down
they looked like a waterfall.

So I scurried around Macy’s eagerly trying to find a dress that I liked.
Me and my mom picked up a couple for me to try on,
but so far nothing really stood out to me.

I then left to go to look at a different section of dresses.
I turned the corner and then I saw her.
The love of my life.
Some would say that she was simple,
but she had a such an elegant and poofy skirt
that anyone who wore it would feel like a princess.

After examining her with a huge smile,
I was about to take her and run to my mother and show her,
but then I remembered.
It was time to look at the price tag.
I was scared.
My stomach began to ache.
And I also knew that any other dress I’d wear wouldn’t feel good enough if it wasn’t her I was wearing.

After glaring at the dress for a minute,
my hands became restless and sprung out as I flipped up the price tag.
It was $300
And I was heartbroken.

My mom came around the corner and saw me frowning at the price tag.
I felt like I was about to cry,
and I think she saw it in my face.
For the emotions I were feeling were so intense it was just like a forbidden love.
I showed her the price tag and her eyes widened a little.
I knew she was gonna say no,
and she did.

She saw how upset I was
and offered to sow a dress for me just like that one.
I then got very excited and hugged her as tight as I could.

I left Macy’s that day with a smile on my face and glowing heart.

I used to always think of you before I drifted off to sleep.
Most of the time I’d close my eyes and imagine my head on your chest.
If I concentrated enough
I could hear your heart beat in sync with mine,
like one body formed in two.

Although we are no more,
the thought of you holding me is the only thing that calms me enough to sleep.
I feel at peace. Tranquil.

And then when I dream,
I dream of what could’ve of been.
The memories we had
altered by I slight change.
Different things I could have done that might have kept you from leaving.
Different things I could have done to make you still love me.
To make you still look into my eyes till this day
like I was your whole world.
To make our kisses have that spark that they had in the beginning.

I dream about what our happy ending could have been,
and it feels so real.
I feel every touch.
Every kiss.
Every butterfly in my stomach.
I feel alive,
and happier than I ever.

And then I wake up.

I miss him.

I miss looking into his kind eyes.
I miss hugging him, his arms shielding me
and picking me up into the sky like angels wings.

I miss how his lips would caress mine,
spelling out riddles of our love.

I miss feeling his light within me,
and having it illuminate the way and guide me.


The light has become so dim,
I can only see a couple steps ahead of me.
I feel blind,
the answer could be right in front of me but I just dont see it.

The light is almost out.

Will I feel this weight on my heart forevor?
Cause it eats me alive everyday.

I physically feel it pushing down on my heart and sinking it down to my stomach.

Will it ever be as light as feather?
Cause sometimes i get butterflies in my stomach.
I feel them flapping their wings and raising my heart back into place.
I feel so happy it brings a smirk to my face.

But it never quite gets there.
No matter how light it may feel,
the weight is always there.
Its everywhere.

What do you see when you look at me?
Cause I see a little grain of sand lost in a sea.

This little grain of sand thats so small and tiny you can barely see it.
Floating in an infinite pool of blue,
being pushed by a faint current.

This grain of sand isnt like the rest,
its not laying at the bottom of a reef.
It has floated from shore to shore,
and has seen all sorts of fish.
Its floated in fresh water,
then in salt water.

But what if this faint current weakens,
and this grain of sand begins to sink deeper and deeper into the sea.
Where it begins to feel colder,
and then it becomes darker,
till the last ray of light begins to fade away.

This grain of sand is left floating in nothingness.
Feeling no current.
Seeing nothing but darkness.
Just sinking down to rock bottom.

So when I look at myself you know what I see?
I see a person that has potential.
A person that has been places and has seen things.
But a person that feels so small and insignificant that they think they dont mean much.

Just another grain of sand thats lost in a sea.

Well its been a month
and ive given up
Ive got better things to look foreword to.

Ill get on that plane
gaze at the terrian
and slowly but surely carryforeword.

I wont give up
No, not so quick

Ive been through so much
My hearts grown thick

Ill win you back
Just wait you'll see
Ill make you run right back to me

The sound of home isn’t an
ordinary sound.

It’s the sound you hear
when your laughing with
your family.
It’s the sound you hear
when a guitar plays
from the corner of your
ear.

The way his guitar strums
and makes me feel warm
Inside, like warm tea going
down your throat.

The feeling of home isn’t an
ordinary feeling.

It’s the goosebumps you get
as a leaf blows by you.
The colour orange as a
constant reminder of your
Childhood, like the rain that
drips from the grey skies.

I can not define home with
just words, but i can with
silence.

The pitter-patter of rain
immune to me to become
the silence.

No birds or grasshoppers
chirping, not even any sound
from the wild thieves with
striped tails wondering in
the night.

Only the sound of memories
repeating in my head.
And the images repeating to
bring a smile to my face.
To make me think to myself,
that’s my home and i’ll never
forget it.

I wanna hold his hand'
and feel how it fits mine perfectly.
I wanna look into his eyes,
and see my future.
I wanna hear his laugh,
like symphony of happiness.

But i'll never be able to comprehend that he feels the same.

I repeat to myself over and over that he likes me,
but instead of being able to grasp that informtion,
I am interrupted by butterflies and giggles.

I wanna hold his hand, look into his eyes, laugh with him and kiss him till I can prove to myself its all true.