If i reached down into your skull through your eye sockets
What would i be pulling out if not brains and blood?
If i reached deeper and went for your heart would your soul be stained to my hands as well?
You say you worry im giving up
so i just want to get in touch
With who you are inside
If i really wanted id like to just feel whatever is right .
Its only fair that if im considered
Insane
I dissect a sane mind.

Dont ask me questions when you wont believe my answers.
Why tell me one thing and actually mean another
I cant simplify this life to something that makes sense to me
Everything that happens in it makes me want to run away
The only happiness i can find is when im under the influence
I cant take this life of mine without someone to influence it.
Someone needs to help me
I cant help myself
Work with me just tell me
What to do to get out of this hell.
Take me away and ill do as you say
Tell me youll never leave my side
Maybe one day you can part ways
When i am finally truly alright.

i wonder what they would feel if i were shot dead today.
i wonder would i still be here or is the afterlife overrated. ..
i know some people who will use my death for publicity
I remember thinking "**** no one misses me"
But that'll change when im gone

Is that truth or hope speaking?
Im not sure anymore.

Happiness and love are feelings i emote

Pretending i could actually feel those things when i know
deep down inside ive always been the darkest force

A movement within me is drawn to my own corpse.
to see myself lying there being lowered down six levels
with people crying and some tears are fake but ill let them
it excites me to think i will actually be celebrated
even if that means i wouldnt be there to celebrate it.
buried away for the world to only remember
even though im sure ill soon be forgotten

all that i need is one moment in the center

To feed the need for love and affection

If im dead will i get the recognition and the distance to close in?

If i get shot dead today
will i ever be missed?

Standing here in my all white dress.
Heart beating right out of my chest.
Looking into the mirror and knowing what's in it.
A broken soul i couldnt fix in an instant.
So i Vow to you, myself, and I
That i will pick you up from every side
I wasnt planning on saying these vows aloud
I just wanted them to be lived,
But i want you to know that im tired of hurting you,
im tired of being hurt myself
it's time that i tend to you and nourish you
its time that i be here not to wound you but to help.
let me put you back together
let us be one again
i was against you forever
now i hope to do the opposite.
i'm not marrying you because im selfish
because im arrogant
i am none of that.
i am simply marrying you because i want to help you grow
i want to celebrate you for what you are
how far you came and to let you know
that through all the pain i will help you let go,
i want to be the only one to make you better
so i can be the only one to blame when you're worse
at least then i can control all the effort
and know that none of it will be taken advantage of.
and you can celebrate you and us
anytime you win
anytime you want.

no more feeling like you're alone when you're not
no more getting in the way of myself.
i want to see myself aspire and accomplish more than what i have
i want to celebrate and not destroy myself i want to have all i can have

i want to make myself happy and not depend on anyone else
i will promise to you if no one is there you have myself.

you're beautiful no matter what i think and that's something i'll show you again,
my vows are not just words or promises they are a lifestyle you and i will live,
together forever just the one of us no more pain

one day when someone realizes your worth,
we can get married again.

I can tear off my own skin
Pull my hair out and break my bones.
None of this will cause me to cry
Like the feeling of being alone.

Your soul; all its liberation.
Amorphous,
I see it in my dreams in the form of its purity.
Crystalline.
I can never catch it
But it captures me.
My only caprice is to love and chase after it.
The feeling I feel from all your presence;
Your dulcet soul
Encompassing me,
I am enraptured, and can not let go,
You're the light
You are ethereal.
The energy you bring to me is exuberant.
Finally
I've found my felicity.
And I am free.
The way you just exist in your form ,
On your own
Incorporeal in your world.
Thanks for letting me in.
You fly and so naturally just exist,
Contentedly pleasing,
So beautifully incandescent.
In all my dreams where you are my vision,
I see you absolutely quiescent.
All your raidiance giving me what I needed.
I can't find on earth
What I find in you.
You in your power defying gravity,
In a sapphire mist, in your own portion of the world, where darkness never lives
Nor visits.
A place so serene,
That is why I only see you in my dreams.
When I am somnolent, and bound to fall down and lay silent,
Witnessing your spherical tranquility with no vestige when I awake,
You take me to my highest point when I am destined to break.
You are transcendent and truly amazing.
I love you in all your lilt sussuration.

sitting on the bathroom floor
smoking kush behind the closed door.
listening to music/ all the bad i can ignore
i use it and i always feel better than i had before.

i think about every decision i've ever made
wondering why i never changed
wondering how things managed to go this way
if i hadnt done the things i did i cant help but imagine what wouldnt be the same

i stare into nothing
just lost
not really here
i can see
i can feel
i can hear
well aware
just not there
not anywhere.

i snap back into me
pull another dab plus
three
the drugs are not just killing me
they set me free
allowing me to be
where i've always wanted to be.
not here
not there...
not anywhere.
still
well aware...