Summer breeze coasting through the trees
Wind chimes remind me
I've had better times
But here I am again
******,
Because I can't sleep peacefully
Mary Jane hides the worst in me

As I shut my eyes,
I only see
Darkness,
Liquid black
Like the color of my soul
I was doing so well you see

Clean
Sober
Running
Yoga

But I had a crack in my shield
And the nightmares came back
Brutally vengeful
I only had my screams to keep me company

3 hours, and one very hot shower later
And I'm back,
Contemplating life on the patio
Flicking a lighter
Breathing deep
Letting the smoke seep
Back into my system

*****
High
Still
Weak

It's a vicious cycle
Recovering from memories

My nightmare waits for me back home
2 hours and 12 minutes away
I can't put it off any longer
Just thinking about him makes me anxious
And terribly sad
Because people who tell you they love you
Shouldn't hurt you
They shouldn't force and rip their way inside of you
Until everything burns
Make no mistake
Tears don't blur the violence
Soap never disinfects the shame of silence

I think I should be over it by now
Honestly, **** happens
People get ***** every day
Anyone who tells you different is a liar
Or perhaps just blind
Either way,
I don't need prayers
I don't need sympathy
I probably need a **** lobotomy
Or maybe just a clean slate

So I continue to breathe
One breath at a time
While my eyes gradually drift close

I am alive
But parts of me are dead
I
    Am
            Not
                    Broken
But even Wonder Woman needs a day off

© 2014 Peach

I* am jealous of
your *bed
your sheets
your shirts and perfume
and smoke of your cigarette

because they wrap and cloud around you
touch you, feel your dark, soft skin
feel your warmth

when I cannot do those things
when I am too far away
spending my lonely afternoons
wishing to be

your bed
your sheets
your shirts and perfume
and smoke of your cigarette.

Of all the people I've come across, I find myself to be the least deserving of any.  I can put put my heart on a sleeve to lure you in and then sntach your own heart right out from under you.  I have no idea why I do this but it is time for it to stop.

I just met this gal a month and a half back.  She is so ******' cool, it was hard not to share every moment that she turned to look into my eyes.  I just don't think I am ready.  She could do it, though.  Definitely a possibility.

She is thin and masculine looking at the same time.  She just might have the most perfect looking face I have ever seen.  Symmetrical to a T, perfect.  She has a girl next door look without the innocence.  Just enough sculpting to her jaw and chin, her points are obvious and rounded just enough so as not to be pointy.  Her cheek bones are not highly pronounced, she's not too cute looking.  There is a balance of wisdom and playfulness in her eyes.  She has class, high class, in my opinion.

She did a little stretch at the end of the night, I paid no attention.  God how I wanted to look, I knew better, now is not the time to look.  Now is the time to appear interesting and interested on a platonic level.  The class, the friends, all of it.  She came to sit with me, I was in heaven for a few hours tonight.  I could easily allow myself to want someone again.  How powerful is that?

I could be on the road to recovery.

A heart beats thinly
under the winter's cold skin
it's sunken pulse fades..

When did I become so unhappy?
When did I want to die?
When did I wake up every morning?
Trying hard not to cry

When did you leave me?
Why didn’t you stay
Why can’t I live without you
Not even a day

It’s been over a year
You’ve moved on, I have not
What do I do now?
I don’t have a shot

You are with another
She’s queen of the year
With a ring on her finger
It’s too hard to bear

I lie in my bed
It hurts to get up
I’ll sit here and drink
The poison from my cup

I cannot forget you
How much I do try
I’m done with this life
No more tears to dry

“I like you for your intelligence and beauty.”
2. “I’m not saying I have doubts. I don’t.”
3. “You can trust me.”
4. “I’m sorry.”
5. “You’re beautiful.”
6. “We should take it slow.”
7. “I’m sorry that I keep leaving you.”
8. “I appreciate you.”
9. “I’m sorry.”
10. “Just be you.”
11. “I just really want this to work.”
12. “I’m sorry.”
13. “I’m glad that you’re happy.”
14. “Did I say something wrong?”
15. “I just need my little piece of freedom.”
16. “See you tomorrow, my love.”
17. “I wish I was there for you.”
18. “I really enjoy holding your hand.”
19. “You looked really pretty today.”
20. “Today I accidentally wrote your name when I was supposed to be writing about something else.”
21. “I just feel constricted, that’s all.”
22. “I got your back.”
23. “I want you to do what makes you happy.”
24. “I can’t wait to see you.”
25. “I love your smile. I love your eyes. I love your face.”
26. “If it moves quickly, everything will crash and burn.”
27. “I’m sorry.”
28. “Good morning, beautiful.”
29. “I wish I had more time off for you.”
30. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
31. “I’m sorry.”
32. “I just don’t want to lose you.”
33. “If you need me, I’m here.”
34. “I wish I could be with you right now so I could hold you in my arms.”
35. “You’re a good person.”
36. “I don’t know. All I know is that I love you.”
37. “Tell me what you’re afraid of. Please.”
38. “My heart races just thinking about you. I feel amazing around you, even though I may not seem like it. I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s the way you make me feel when I am with you.”
39. “I want to be there for you when you need me.”
40. “Cheer up, sweetie.”
41. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.”
42. “I miss you.”
43. “I’m sorry, my darling.”
44. “Is breá liom tú.”
45. “I don’t think this is going to work out.”
46. “I’m sorry.”
47. “Do you ever have a good day?”
48. “I just lost interest after a while.”
49. “I’m sorry.”
50. “I’m so sorry.”

My thighs frame your cheeks,
Tambourine tantrum in the sheets.