The name.
it gives me a fluttering in my stomach
a zing in my heart
a leaping feeling
the feeling of running to feel the wind in my hair
never stopping
like eating sopping wet waffles
sugary sweet sticky on a plastic plate
becoming a kid again.
But once I fly too high on that eternal flaming phoenix bird,
called false confidence,
the ashes begin to fall alongside me.
Icarus is not my name but my intention,
of dreaming too big hoping too much...
believing... in such a human invention.
Wings to let me fly like a Robin.

Angry and sad we fall to be reborn into a hope as false as we are
as false as I am.
For the truth left me as soon as I was born
and will lay dormant with me till I die.

I am tired of the sad poems
The words that have been said before
Boys off to war
I’m sighing out love poems
Like I’ve never heard the works of wonders
Of the unsaid I love you
I am laying down for every no one ever realized they loved me
Till it was a too late poem
I’m fainting at the sight of anger
Red hot and blue
Like an abusive bruise
That, someone, took the time to choose
To become the bearer and the wearer of bad news
I’m yawning between the pages and
Phrases of stringing words
To create ideas and nations
Of thoughts so carefully thought up
Just to throw up and spit out

you are the reason I sit and pause at brown eyes
make my stomach swoop when they look softly
gazing beyond the soul that inhabits my body
letting me rot in disappointment
for they are not your eyes

If god would smite me for love
Then count me smitten
Kissing my girl in the kitchen
Hot chocolate boiling,burning in the *** we aren’t listening

Loving my lover in every form
Between them and the Bible
I am not torn
Because between the steeple and the people
I chose my people

Drag shows my church
The queens my pastors
glitter my baptismal waters
The rainbow flag my cross

Self love and
Acceptance
Patience
My virtues

Let love and sweetness be my guiding lights
Happiness is what I’m looking for and it is sure to be found

If god would smite me for happiness
Then count me happy
Joy spilling from my lungs in laughter
in my arms I hold my heart

If god would smite me for being me
Then I will be me
Afterlife be ******
If I can’t be me in this life
Then what I am I but a ******* sham
Too scared to face the person I am

It’s been the first time in a long time
The pain
The aches have subsided
Just for today rain
The calmness of storming winds
The warmth of my sweater the smell of food
And good steaming love of my rice cooker
The cuddles of the fog
My imaginary cat slinking in the corner and for the first time
In a long time
I feel safe and happy I use to
In toddler like aw
I wish I could keep these warm sleepy
Drippy rain feelings
Like one keeps candy in a glove box
Or a song in your head
Just this feel good feelings on loop
Melancholy but good enough to ease the ache I’ve felt since I left my childhood behind
​and adulthood began

Sometimes I know you don’t know me
You don’t respect me
You accept me like blank stares and awkward silences in dinning rooms
Where I trust you to be to support me
I fall on the unforgiving dirt road of denial

I finally get myself now
Where on the map I am
You my compass
I understand now
You will always lead me away
From blue sky’s to grey


I know now where all my insecurities came to be
Where they grew their roots thick and deep around my soul

The map I read makes it all to clear to see

I’ve stopped trying to please the people I cannot please
And in exchange I find myself looking to please me
I’ve stopped trying to find goals and achieve expensive pieces of paper
Cause I’m the end we are going to the same place proper.
Heaven or hell in dirt encrested ground
Embalmed or silent ash making microbial sounds