My motivations gone idle
My rhythm feels flat
I’m not suicidal
Because I chose to adapt
To see the silver lining
The light at the end
Of my tunnel of trouble
And it’s real, not pretend
I lift up and move on
I get out of my rut
I feel it, I know it
Deep down in my gut  
It’s my sense of survival
My yearning to thrive
That helps me keep going
And keeps me alive
It’s a sense of adventure
A curious query
To take a life that’s mundane
And not make it so dreary
I fill it with laughter
And what brings me joy
To be extroverted
Not bashful or coy
This is my burden
That I need to destroy
And become a man
Not just a boy

A little girl once said to me

" You say your fine, but your eyes

make you look dead inside. "

And then I got scared,

Thinking she new what was wrong,

But then I remembered to lie,

And all my problems were gone.

Heart is racing, skin on fire
Jittering buzzing pacing cussing
Hair is wild, eyes look crazy
Shaking crying mumbling breathing
Face is wet, chest is pounding
Screaming running hiding sobbing

i never felt so much
healing

until today
i took a walk in the forest
and came out
taller than the trees

we played hide and seek by the rivers
and sometimes i would chase you

but never would you chase me
and when i asked why
you smiled because

love to you
was just a game

ah
the river ran incessantly
and it became a
melody
that runs through me
constantly

of course, its course has changed
and I have also changed,
the passing of years and erosion
do that.