It’s been 14 hours since we’ve last talked
and your still on the center stage of my mind
             The amount of self-discipline it takes to not call you
              is pretty ******* amazing.

& the truth is that I already miss you;
I know you are angry right now
            but know I’m sending you thoughts of love you messages
            hoping it reaches you in time.

It’s funny how words have no meaning
until they are jumbled in just the right way,
pieced together perfectly;
hitting just the right spot.

Today I woke with a familiar dread
a storm of my own;
a whirlwind of insecurities

It's an intrusive self-created enemy,
that disguises my fears as truths

There have been nights too
where I sleep with my demon
and once again awake to yesterday's past

Repeat.

The one who chooses all the best meals,
the giver of roses, the boy with
the black bag of popcorn, the one I will always
choose first no matter what else is on the
shelf, the chocolate ice cream, the right amount
of sugar, the cocoa, the parts that makes
us whole

Here are all the things I never said
but should start,

That you’ve always been
the constant figure in my life
at every cheer competition
and book club meeting

That when my life has shaken
and cracked
and
split at its seams
you’ve always been there
to pick me up and
mend me back together

That you remind me of
shoulders I’ve cried on
          and apologies I never gave

But would you believe me
if I said you are the single most important person
who shaped who I am today
and that i’ve been trying for years
to pick the words from my throat
in attempts to explain to you
all the ways I appreciate
you.

Because if anyone ever asks
who I need the most
my reply will always be my mom

And I need you to know
that I love you
in the simplest of ways