Nothing can stop
the hot searing burn,
the shock of jumping into freezing water.
but worse,
instead of water, ice appears
and I hit it hard,
unexpectedly, everything cracks.
Surprise becomes hysteria,
and hysteria becomes aching,
aching regret for being
on the losing side of the contract.
The knit comes undone,
and I,
grasp onto these
remaining lose threads,
cant seem to get a hold of them,
I tangle them
and leave them under the bed
with other lost objects.
Little things to remind myself
of you.
A pin on a map
or smudges on the wall.
And when the loss
becomes unbearable,
I become unreachable.
Water can try to wash everything,
but the stain of tears,
the sensation of drowning,
never goes away.
Alone, and scared,
of losing contact,
and of losing remembrance
of the clear glass,
un-crackable
and untouched,
by anyone.