He, made a way with his soft words.
I couldn’t not listen.
You know that feeling right?
When his whisper moves slowly down your spine. That soft breeze.. yeah..
He, made sure that my thoughts and his were aligned. I mean he checked in you know?

I wanted to love, he made that happen.
There was a time when a smile would travel miles along my thighs and I couldn’t help myself..
I was ready for what was never going to happen.
It was just a smile..

He, wants more now.
More I am not willing to give..
More I am not capable of giving..
More I’m sure I don’t deserve.

He deleted the pictures she took.
Just like that, he erased what they were.
All those memories that you shared?
She had your heart.
You said it yourself, you loved her.
She held you heart in the palms of her hands,
you were fearless enough then.
Yeah, you would rest your head on her chest and listen to her heartbeat.
You know better than anyone else what makes her happy.
You know the depth of her scars and her fears. You know how deep her trust runs, I mean you held her when she cried.
You've seen her inner being, guard less.
And now without hesitation, you erased any evidence of her ever being there.

It's the images , the after images that scares me. No one really pays attention to the pictures. No one is focused on what's left, you know?
They don't care about what's painted on your heart.
It'll make you cold.. the images, the after images..
Once upon a time we'd look forward to the happily ever after,
now we fear the thought of forever.
I know I hate it, the curse that follows 'I do'.
**** it,
I've lost track of my thoughts.
It's the images, the after images is what I fear.
I've found peace in the darkness, in the emptiness,
I lost hope in the possibilities.
Lots of empty eyes with plastic smiles promising friendship.
You were,
the peace I searched for, found, and lost.
With little left to keep me sane I found comfort in poison.
Beautiful poison that slowly calmed my chaotic thoughts..
Even now it wouldn't be fair to hate the world, but I do.
Let your heart free on this sheet of paper, let it breathe, let go..
Let it out, all the thoughts you've kept to yourself.. Just breathe, for this moment try to be free.
It's hard huh?
..yeah, I know.

I understand my selfishness now.
I’ve been greedy and careless with my wants and desires.
My world isn’t just about me,
So,
Here is my apology.

No one was allowed to get close.
No, I didn’t want you in. I needed control of every feeling and if you threatened that you were done away with.

Even now I am content with loneliness but it’s unfair for me to expect you to feel the same.
I had an epiphany or maybe you could call it divine intervention.
God loves me. I mean, He loves everybody, but when I think about the thoughts that I have and things I haven’t said,
He still loves me.
I’m sorry. .
I don’t know how to express the things going on in my head.
And what I’m writing probably doesn’t make sense,
I just thought it unfair that I wouldn’t do the same.
Allow them close.
You know,
the people who care.
Still, I am a work in progress.
At least I’m aware..?
I won’t promise to let you in or even invite you closer,
And I’m not saying it will never happen either..
Just not now.
I’m still learning love, to love.