there was a time when I looked to the stars
and I saw your face
it was simpler and less difficult
and I didn’t have to cry when I thought of you

I used to believe that your heart was the moon
and that your sun shone upon me where I walked

but the moon has grown cold
and the sun’s burned my skin
and the stars don’t look like you at all

but the moon shines where it wills
and the sun burns who it pleases
and the stars don’t really look like anything anyway

if only i could remove myself from this situation
that is my sadness,
that is my life,
without hurting you.

Your name has always sounded to me
The way happiness feels,
The perfect shaping of words,
The most soothing movements of the mouth.

My stomach cramps up at the sight of you.
It does not hurt, no, you see:
It does not hurt at all.
Not compared to how I feel when I remember,
That you,
Once filling up my lungs with your very presence,
Making breathing all that much easier for me,
Still by my side on my exhale,
Is now out of sight,
Unfamiliar,
Distant,
Out of reach.

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.

I have not slept through a night in the longest time,
I wake up in the middle of the night with you on my mind.

But I talked to you that night,
Comforted you when something didn’t feel right.

I went to sleep thinking of you,
And all 6 hours, my eyes didn’t move.

But my heart, oh my heart,
It leapt out of my chest.
Your fingers intertwined in mine,
A feeling better than the rest.

You held my hand,
Squeezed it tight.
Your love a feeling
I couldn’t fight.

I woke up then,
Devastated of the end.
But now,
I sleep longer and longer,
Hoping for the same dream again.