Writing a new book...
With new characters...
And new story line...
I have been fooling myself...
Holding on to an older book...
With past characters...
Which have already wrote new chapters...
Without me...
May be it’s time for me be part of a new book...
And not the rusty old book...
Even though the rusty old book was once my life...
Let you be reference for my new one...
Not my griefs or broken promises...

— Joanna Adam

I thought of not writing...
But when your face came to my mind...
It slowly began to flow through...
I know you won’t say anything...
If I didn’t write...
But I want to write for you...
May be because you are the reason I started writing...
There were times where I couldn’t write a single line...
But to know that you enjoyed my writings...
Boost my ego...
May be that’s what I required to write again and again...
I don’t know what you concluded from my stories...
As I said it’s all twisted truth...
Which you need to read between lines...
You encouraged me  and teased me...
You gave me the space I needed...
By not asking anything...
But being there....
And you made your way to my heart...
Which is already broken so many times...
You can see a lot of regrets and sorrows there....
And happiness too...
I hope you will accept the same with your whole heart...
My friend...
As I m giving you a corner of my heart...
That you can call your own...

I m not Deaf nor Mute...
But I have become one...
Bcoz of you...
I’m not accusing you...
But merely stating the facts...

There were times when I needed you most...
To talk... and to listen...
But you were too busy with your own worries,
You didn’t saw mine...
So I stopped talking and listening...
By the time you felt something is off...
It was far beyond to break ...
You thought I m depressed...
You got me help...
But what you didn’t know is that,
I never talked...
I took all the pills they have given...
And started to smile...

You may think I’m selfish...
And never listen to you...
But I think it’s better to be at the end of your angry self...
Than seeing you broken...
Or to think that you failed me...
Now I feel relieved that we didn’t talked...
You can continue without any regrets...
After all why do we need to make everyone suffer...
If little bit of silence make everything OK!!!

— Jonna Adam

Missing my love...
I went to the meadow...
Strolling in bare foot...

You came so suddenly...
That I was not prepared...
But I welcomed you
With my wide arms...

When the first drop met my skin...
I was awaken..
I grinned...
l looked around...
I took my bike...
To have a ride of my own...

I loosen my hair...
And embraced the rain drops...
You soaked me...
But I was grinning madly...

Riding through the rain...
I missed your warmth my love...
I wish you are behind me...
Your arms around me...
Your head burrowed in my shoulder...
Kissing my nape...
That I will suddenly melt...

I returned home...
With a heavy heart...
And there you were...
Waiting for me...
With open arms...

Lucky are those who cry...

As I envy you...

As i have dried up my tears...

Not by crying...

But by stopping when i felt through....

For me tears were weakness...

But now I know its strength

As it wash away your sorrows...

It brighten your hearts....

It makes you light...

And it makes your smile bright...

I wish there was someone to tell me

"IT'S OK TO CRY".....
And someone to hold me when I cry....
 




— Jonna Adam

Don’t know when I started to feel the pain of loneliness...
I was hurt...
Broken... and Scared...
Slowly I started to embrace it’s pain...
And may be, started to love it...
It couldn’t hurt me anymore...
It made me start again...
As nobody will start it for you...
It made me not to wait for anything...
As nothing will wait for us...
I love to call myself a late bloomer...
As it is, better late than never...
Happy that I could bloom...
As many couldn’t...
Sometimes I still wait for someone...
Who will wait for me...
And still I embrace the pain of loneliness...
Only this time with a smiling face...

— Jonna Adam

I can feel and see you fading away...
Fading away from me...
I thought of holding you...
As I always have...
But I saw you not holding me back...
So I m letting you go...
Without any fight....
May be because I too want to fade away from you...
As I felt being caged by you...


— Jonna Adam

Everything is falling apart...
Whether you realised or not...
You were in a dream land...
Where everything was perfect...
Only when the imperfections showed up...
You realised it’s reality...
And you are just a single drop of that....
You presence or absence never matter...
Yet you thought your absence mattered...
Your tears where unknown...
You spilled it again for another...
Why can’t you know that...
Love is not in your dictionary...
And it never will be...
So dry up your eyes fool...
And let’s begin the journey alone...
What are you waiting for...
Nobody is there to pick you up...
You have to stand alone and walk alone...
Like you did before...
You may struggle and it may be difficult...
But still the show must go on.....

— Jonna Adam

Does it matter to anyone what I feels...
I don’t know when I stopped to feel...
Some may feel I’m cold and distant...
I won’t show my weakness...
It’s a decision I made...
They thought that I’m emotional less....
My mom asked once... can’t you cry ... to make it better...
But I was hardened by the betrayals...
I was not ready to cry...
But they didn’t know that I was crying inside....

They never thought of me when their ***** hands touched me...
They never thought of me as a kid...
Who knows nothing other than that you are family...

When I started to realise the wrongness...
Years has passed...
I was afraid...
I didn’t know what to feel...

I started to hate myself...
I thought feelings are for the purest...
As I have become dirtiest...
I thought love is not for me...
I couldn’t found the courage to love...

I got married to you...
You didn’t know that I cried...
When we first made love...
I thought it was my fate...
There were so many nights
Where you made me feel
That I m nothing more than this...

And still I started to love you...
Only to know that you are having an affair...
You don’t know how much it broke my heart...
We fought... but in the end it was all my fault...

That’s when I started to harden my heart again...
To never expect anything from you...
I’m still with you...
But my heart...
It doesn’t belongs to anyone...

I’ll live... l’ll smile...
But in the end I know I’m alone...

So my feelings... it doesn’t matter...
Because I forgot to feel ...

Don’t know what this feeling is...
Is it missing someone....no...
Or is it reminding me everything...I don’t know....
Just knew I m sad...
And wish for someone to hold me...
Feeling heaviness in my heart...
And my eyes become blurry....
And my mind blank....
So what’s the reason I feel down???
I have gone through this many times...
And never got an answer...
May be this will always be my part...
Never letting me go....
May be I also need it...
To remind me something...

— Jonna Adam

It’s raining...
It’s pitter patter made me think about you...
I only wanted one thing from you...
And you gave it to me happily...
Even though it broke your heart...

You know I will never be yours...
And yet you did it...
And I accepted it without any regret..

I still remember the day...
It was raining...
Everyone has already left...
You were alone in your dorm...
You could have left...
But you stayed for me...
To give me my present...

I didn’t know that I was being selfish..
But once I want to be selfish...
To took one thing I haven’t lost yet...
My first kiss...

I came to you to get my present...
I was not afraid of being alone with you...
Because you were always a gentlemen....
I remember your strong arms around me...
When you hugged me...
I had to stand in my toes to kiss you..
And you hold me tightly...
And that little peck in my lips...
It was not deep but a kiss...
Which hold different things for both...
Your selfless love towards me..
And mine to have something I want to give to someone I trusted...
Not some thing snatched from me...
Like my innocence...

I was afraid to fall in love...
Because I know I have to leave you...
I thought I m not worth to be loved by you...
I wanted you as a constant in my life...
And I chose the word “Just Friends”...


You never said me that four letter word...
Because you know I was not ready...
And never will be...
You’re just a friend...
Like I always reminded you...

You’re the one who made me what I’m now...
You’re the one who told me to be a girl...
You’re the one who made dress up...
You wanted to take care of me...
But I never let you...
Because I was never used to it...
And afraid that I will fall for you...

But still I hurt you...
For that I m sorry my friend...
And sorry for the kiss I have stolen...
Which you should have given to someone else...
Who was worth it...

I broke you...
And yet you smiled at me...
You came to bless me...
When I become someone others..

It took me years to acknowledge your love...
Yes... you loved me...
And I didn’t acknowledge it...
To be afraid of love...
Thanks my friend for my present...
Which I chose myself...
My first Kiss...

Read this first...

https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3272878/first-kiss/

I don’t know when I fall in love with you...
I think it was always there...
When I first met you,
I wanted to protect you...
Want to guide...
Your shabby dressing...
And sleepy eyes...
Made me think so...

But when you started talking...
I understood, what I saw is so wrong....
That you don’t need any protection...
That may be, I will be the one who needed protection from you...

We became fast friends...
You were a fiery little one...
Who doesn’t care about what others think about you...
Do you know how many times I have scolded you...
To dress nicely...
May be to put a little makeup...
But you always smiled it off...

Whenever we talked about love...
You always said it’s not your cup of tea...
That you don’t believe in love...
And never going to fall in love...
But I couldn’t help...
But fall hard for you...

You wrote little letters to me everyday....
It was never a love letter...
But how I wished it was...
You made me write one too...
And it took me so many days to fill up one page...
You made me crazy...
You girl...
And told me not to fall in love with you...

And when you asked your parting gift...
I never asked you why...
I never hesitated...
May be I was being selfish...
To have my first kiss with you...

You don’t know how much I want to hold you forever after that kiss...
I wanted to tell you that I love you...
But knew that you’ll never accept it...
So I let you go...
Without any fight...
Because how can I fight for you...
If you are not by my side...

You were my first love...
May be that’s why you are special....
May be you will always be....
Though you never returned my feelings...
I never felt bad...
I keep on loving you for years...
There was time I thought falling for someone else will be like cheating you....
I hold on to you...
Made friendship with you...
Even after knowing that...
You thought of me as nuisance and silly irritating girl...
I cried over that letter...
And made up mind...
I should have stopped there...
but again my love for you wanted to forgive you...
Now when think back...
I was really a fool....

And again when we met after years...
You still make me feel the same...
The same silly immature girl...
You thinks my love for you is still there...
But what u don’t know is I never give my heart to anyone...
And never will...
You are my first failure...
That I accepted with a smile...
I again got attached to you...
Bcoz I found we both love late nights...
And your love for rain...
Your company just made me happy...
But alas we had misunderstandings...
Which will keeps on coming...
So we should part again...
As you said in better terms than hating each other...
I won’t say it didn’t hurt...
But to you I will never be a friend...
I will always be a crazy girl...
And you will again laugh it off with your friends...
So good bye my first love...

— Joanna Adam

I didn’t knew you too was missing from me....
That you were my childhood fragrance...
How l lost you...
I don’t know...
I remember the times where I hated sweet smell of perfumes...
How the smell of flowers irritated me...
How it brings up a headache....
And you came back to me again after a long long time...
Thanks to my better half that he bought me your fragrance soap...
I didn’t realise it that then...
Suddenly I started to carve for your fragrance...
That I bought perfumes and powders of your fragrance....
Still I didn’t realise that you were with me before....
Only when my sis heard my pondering thoughts about you....
And told it’s bcoz you were used to it for years...
In your childhood days...
Made me remember you...
How I waited for my father to get your perfume on my dresses...
Don’t know when I stopped using you...
As it was still there in many more years...
Still I didn’t touched you...
And forgotten....
I don’t know whether to be happy that you came back...
Or sad and angry that I missed one more thing in my life...
May be I  can be both...
And I do hope you will be with me always...
The sweet fragrance of Lavender...

— Joanna Adam

Friendship is something we all cherish...
It’s definition changes from one to other...
Some may say it’s one who know you well...
Some may say it’s being for you in your happiness and sadness...
Some may say who supports you...
Some may say who love you for what you are...
Some may say where you can be yourself...
Some may say who will never hurt you...
But the truth is can we find all these in person...
I don’t know...
After all we are humans...
And err is human...

So I will say I don’t believe in best friends...
It doesn’t matter if your friends don’t know your favourite colour...
You favourite film...
Or song... Or person...
What matters is they are with you as they can...
Bcoz some will comfort...
Some will cry with you...
Some will make you smile...
Some will hug you.. .

And I do have my share of friends...
Who all are special to me in different ways...
There is one who made me realise even we can sit in silence...
And be there for each other...
One who made realise you can talk about anything if you are comfortable...
One who made me accept my painful past...
One who reads all I wrote and supports me...
One who calls me occasionally to just ask how I am...

I’ll say they are my past, present and future...
They made me strong...
They made me enjoy life ....
So all my friends....
I love you all for being there for me...

I know that I shouldn’t ask you...
And that you’ll never let me...
You don’t even like to hear me out...
You were not affected by my problems...
You watched me struggle with everything...
You watched me cry...
You watched me getting angry...
You watched me how I get moody...
Still never once you comforted me...
There were times when a little smile from you....
Would have been enough...
A pat on my shoulder...
Or a little squeeze at my hand...
But you never did it....
But now I beg you....
Can’t you hold me once...
So that I can cry...
Let my tears wash away the sorrows...
For once I don’t want to be strong...
For once I don’t want to be bold...
For once let me hold you....

Just realised our story will stay incomplete…

Just like the song you send…

Hamari adhuri kahani…

I don’t know what I was wishing for…

May be I got a little greedy…

Just having you in my life was enough for me…

I never dared to dream more than that…

May be I was afraid I will get rejected…

May be I was afraid I m not enough for you..

I don’t know what you want…

And I never dared to ask you…

I was afraid of the answer…

May its your silence that I liked most…

Let it be like that…

May be we are hurting each other…

But sometimes your words hurt me more than your silence…

Let’s drop this pretendence here…

And move on…

Some stories are meant to be incomplete…

Just like ours…

May be deep in our heart that’s what we wish…

I can feel the pain…

I can feel the love…

I can feel the regrets…

I can feel the happiness…

I can feel the sadness…

I can feel the excitement…

But I can never reach out and hold you…

We are close yet so distant…

I know we need that gap…

It’s what keep us going…

Let’s just embrace our incomplete story…

Hamari adhuri kahani♥️

-- Jonna Adam

It’s my promise to myself...
That I won’t let you hurt me....
Your silence or shouting will never hold me back...
If you thought my silence is my defeat..
You thought it wrong...
You broke me once...
More than my molesters have...
They broke my happiness and smile...
But never my self esteem...
But you broke that...
Only bcoz I let my guard down...
And trusted you to love me...
But the day you broken that...
I promised myself...
I won’t let you win...
I didn’t fight back not bcoz I can’t...
Because you are not worth it...
You became someone I just met in between the journey of life....

—Jonna Adam

I thought long and hard...
And came to a conclusion...
Let’s not take a break...
I’ll keep my insecurities away...
And embrace the warmth of your friendship...
Let me be selfish and take what you have to offer...
I’ll entertain you with my writing...
And take your teasing and encouragement...
With a smiling face...
And you have to put up with my ramblings....
Awaiting for the flowers...
Which have become mine....

Let’s take a  break my friend...
No it’s never you...
But me...
My insecurities...
While sitting in silence...
And waiting for your message...
I realised you are too close to break the barriers I have made...
The barriers I have made long ago...
Sorry my friend...
As I have to take a break from you...
And mend the scratches you have made...
I know I m being selfish...
But this is what I m...
Thank you for being with me...
When I revisited my past...
And for making me smile...
And for all the flowers you have given as a token of our friendship...

— Jonna Adam

Haven’t you ever wondered...
Even though hundreds applause you...
You will be down bcoz just one didn’t appreciate you...
One person who have the power to let you down...
To break your confidence...
To make you fall down from all the steps you have taken...
To wipe off your smile...
To make you feel that you are nothing...
And what you did will never be enough....

— Jonna Adam

Love me...
I don’t know why you love me...
And I don’t want to know...
As I m happy to be loved by you...
I don’t know what I feel for you...
Whether it’s love or not...
Don’t ask me...
As I m afraid to say I love you...
I want to say stop loving me...
But I will never...
I want to be selfish once...
To have someone who loves me...
Am I being wrong dear...
As you are not mine...
And I will never be yours too...
My day starts and ends with you...
Yet we are far...
Far to reach out... and be one...
Let us be far apart always...
As we are meant to be...
Love me from afar...
Though I can’t hold it...
I can always feel it...
Which makes me smile...
The smile that you likes to see everyday...
Love me please...
As I can’t live without it...

— Jonna Adam

Have you ever wondered why the whole world is lusting over you???

The day you born...
You know you were different...
The one who should have treated you as princess...
Treated like you a prince...
He thought of making a Prince in Princess body....
He made her strong and independent...
Failed to notice what his princess suffered...
Where he saw the young Prince...
The ones around him saw femininity...
They saw the glow around her...
The glow she had when she was happy and smiling...
The ones who hugged her in protectiveness....
Show their disguise in the darkness....

And slowly your glow faded away...
Or you kept it away...
Afraid of being taken away...

And now you can feel the glow...
Pouring outside you...
As you are feeling happy and smiling....
And you are afraid again...
Of lustful eyes...
Which will stare upon you...
And this time be brave and say “No”
— Jonna Adam

Don’t we all have mask...
That we have perfected over the years...
As it become second skin...
Unable to remove it...
And without it, feeling vulnerable...

My smile is what i masked first...
As she told me not to smile too much...
May be that’s why I started to find reasons not to smile....
And that’s the time I realised...
How I was betrayed....
And that got me reasons...
Not to smile...
And one day I stopped smiling....
And she was worried I m not myself anymore....
So I perfected a small smile....
To satisfy her....
And now I wear a mask for everyone...
As they needed...

May be one day I can remove it...
And get to breathe the happiness of freedom...

— Jonna Adam

It felt so casual…
To discuss something big…
With a hash tag “Me too”…
Are they ready to share…
Can it really be casual…
Like saying hi to all…
May be…
As time heals everything…
To the ones passed through it…
It’s their part of life…
Which took years to acknowledge themselves…
It was their pain…
Their self hatred..
Their regression…
Their unknown…
Yet they continued as if they are not affected…
Is it coming out…
or hiding behind it…
Still there are so many #me too
Afraid to be out…
Not because they don’t want to…
But because of their entanglements…
The things that happened…
Made a stroll on their life…
Which is not easily forgotten…
They never had a choice…
But the same people which supported them say
All have a choice….
Did we really???
You should have shouted they say…
And then what…
And what if we don’t know it is some thing you should shouted at..
It keeps on going…
#me too’s forgive yourself first...
It’s painful… yet it happened…
May be its time we acknowledge it…
As I m saying #me too

You are my brightest star...
My sun...
Which shines for me...
You brought the warmth....
As I was cold...
You brought the light...
As I was in darkness...
And I know you are hot...
And that I shouldn’t come towards you...
As I will get burned....
And turning away from you will make me cold...
Colder than ever before...
And make my life dark...
Darker than ever before...
So I have to stay in my path...
Moving around you...
Some days will be hot...
Some days will be warm...
Some days will be cold...
I should get used to it...
As I could never come closer than this...

— Jonna Adam

You were my companion in my loneliness...
You were my friend and teacher...
You silently woke me up from my depression...

You taught me about life...
I m what I m because of you...
You taught me to forgive and forget...
You walked with me in silence...
You never judged me...
You took me to journeys of happiness, love, revenge, acceptance...
You taught me motherhood is wonderful...

Do you remember our days...
I’ll always have you with me...
I slept holding you...
You broke the silence and loneliness of night...
You waited with me for the Sleep to embrace me...
You made me dream again...
To smile again...
To love myself...

How I used to immersed in you... forgetting everything...
I loved to sit with you in dim candle light...
The sounds of crickets and gentle breeze become the rhythm...
And how I will turn ur pages one by one...
And the way I held you to my heart after finishing it...

And then one day I had to leave you...
Not because I wanted to...
But I had company....
And years passed by...
I see you waiting for me to touch you...
To run my fingers through you...
To smell you...
To open up you...
But my friend I forgot how to do so...
My passion for you died away...
You don’t know how many times I reached out for you...
To start again...

I know you will never complain...
But one day I’ll come back to you...
To resume  the journey we begun...
Till then wait for me...
My dear Books

Night is still young...
Calling us to take a stroll in fields...
Showered by drizzling rain...
And warmth of moon light...
Ànd the song of lonely crickets...
Breeze carrying the earthy smell...
Making us to stay there...
Wishing the time will stop for us...
Just to embrace it again...
With you holding my hands...
Our souls finding each other...
With the rhythm of our hearts...
Without any words...
Without any gesture...
The oneness we felt...
Only when you kissed my tears away...
I realised that I was crying...
Making me smile again...

-- Jonna Adam

Hai Rain!!!
You have been pouring out for few days....
Is it bcoz you found some who loves to get drenched...
Like I have been pouring my muses through writings....
Or is it because you are pouring out your sadness...
Like I have been letting out my sadness through writings...
As we are alike...
Let’s have a date...
If you pour out of happiness...
I’ll get drenched and dance with you...
If you pour out of sadness...
I’ll sit with you getting drenched and  
Letting my tears down for you...

— Jonna Adam

Hai love and Rain,
Somebody told me that both of you are like alike....
Is it true???
I don’t know as I have never been in love...
Or I think so...
May be it’s bcoz you both can be viewed differently...
To someone in love...
You are pouring out of joy...
And brings the happiest moments...
And the belongingness...
To to a broken heart...
It’s sadness...
And the lost love...


— Jonna Adam

Do you know I don’t remember  you....
I didn’t even keep your photo...
Nothing is left with me to remember you...
I don’t remember your birthday day...
I don’t remember the way you smiled...
I don’t remember your favourite colour...
I don’t remember your favourite song...
I don’t remember the girl you loved...
The one you always talked about...
I don’t remember our whispers in late nights...
I don’t remember your hugs...
I don’t remember the day you left us...
As I made myself to forget everything about you...
I came to your house to console you as I didn’t know who left us...
To know it was you...
I wished I could follow you...
I wished I could cry...
The unfinished talks...
The unfinished letters...
You were the one I hold on to when I was low...
I dreamed of us growing up...
You marrying your loved one...
And me living alone...
And here I m all grown up...
And you are not here to see that...
— Jonna Adam

Not all roses are red...
Not all reds are wine...
But you’re my Rose Wine...
Which I love to savour all time...
Hope you will be always be mine...
As I don’t wanna share you...

Today we stand before our loved ones....
To say our vows and be together forever...
When we said our vows....
You give me a rose...
Which I throw it your face laughingly...
Some where stunned... and some smiled knowingly...
Because that’s how it started...
Our path to togetherness...

Everyday you waited for me with a rose...
Which I throw it your face...
But you waited patiently...
Until I couldn’t help but accept the rose...
Thank you for not giving upon me...

We had our ups and downs...
And we fought it together...
And we will... in the future too...

You took me to the room we share...
Our bed was covered in rose petals...
And there, in a glass, my favourite rose wine..
You can say I was surprised...
You led me inside and closed the door...
You took a sip of wine...
Reached me out and kissed me...
I can savour wine in your lips...
You bit my lips... which made me to part my lips...
You deepened your kiss...
And we ended up in the bed of rose petals...
Where we started a new journey...

— Jonna Adam

Have you noticed shades of grey...
Which can bring out anything...
Whether in picture....
Or in life...
May be that’s why I fell in love with shades of grey...
Life which was full of colours...
Got erased by so many...
Without knowing it, I began to see the shades of grey...
And it became a part of me...
I dreamed my life in shades of grey...
Made me think that it’s what I deserved...
Afraid to think of getting it coloured..
Bcoz what if it get erased again...
And what if it become black...
And nobody to colour it....
Shades of grey made me happy of my own...
As happy that I was not thrown to the pitch black of life...
Grey which has its own brightness...
Showed me the reality...
Not the outrageous colours of lies...
So I’ll just hold on to you forever...
As you are safe to be dreamed of...

You’ve dried up your tears once...
And yet your tears are escaping...
Don’t you know that the spilled tears never mattered...
And yet here you are crying...
Crying just makes your eyes puffy and red...
It won’t wash away the hurt or sorrow...
The heaviness you feel...
It won’t go away...
What are you waiting for then...
Someone to dry it...
Pull yourself and get yourself dried...
And mask it with a smile...
A smile that nobody can take away from you...

— Jonna Adam

How I wished I can sleep tight...
But you never come to me easily...
You don’t know how many hours I waited for you to come...
Staring into darkness...
Pondering over things I like to forget...
You made me revisit all bad memories...
You made me cry all over again..
With nobody beside me...
I curled up and comforted myself...
And waited for you to come and claim me...
How I wished to fall into a dreamless sleep...
And not waking up at all...

But when days and years passed....
I embraced the sleepless night...
Where I stared to dream...
I made friends with books and music…
Now you couldn’t touch me…
As it’s me who choose when to sleep…

Been walking alone for long...
I stopped walking...
And suddenly you came...
Out of no where...
Stretching you hands...
To make me stand...
And made me take baby steps...
And I walked through...
It was painful at first...
And thought of taking a break...
Which you didn’t let me...
And I m walking steadily now...
Thanks to you...
And may be in future I’ll run with joy...

—Jonna Adam

I never thought that I’ll fall in love with you again and again...
But time proved me wrong again and again...
I don’t remember when I first fell in love with you...
But I do remember all the other times I fell in love with you...
I thought I couldn’t love you more...
But I fell in love with you again and again...
When you said that you loves for the first time...
I couldn’t help but fall for you again...
When I saw you in your wedding dress...
When I saw you with our bundle of joys....
When you’re playing with our kids...
When you give your ur warm smile...
When you gently  squeezed my arms to get me calm...
And especially now...
How you’re snuggling against me...
As if you’re not warmed enough...
When the rain is pouring down...
I couldn’t help but kiss your forehead...
When you woke up and gave the beautiful smile...
And your eyes reflecting the love for me...
I fell for you again...
Let me make a promise to you, that...
I’ll fall for you again a and again...
— Jonna Adam

I don’t know why you didn’t pour out today...
Usually you like to get me drenched...
The day i really wanted to you soak me...
You didn’t...
I know you where trying to soothe me with your drizzles...
I couldn’t even feel you today...
What I wanted was you to pour out...
How I wished your each and every drop will fall on me...
How it makes me pain and cold...
And in the end numb...
I could have cried without anyone noticing...
And I could tell everyone, you made my eyes red...
Yes I know how you took all the blame...
How you could never satisfy anyone...
Just like me...
Even I m blaming you for not pouring out...
But one day you really have to do what I wish for...
Where only you and me will be there...
To let me out all the feelings I kept inside...

— Jonna Adam

You told her to pick a colour...
To like...
As she didn’t have any favourite...
If only it’s been easy for her...
To choose what she like...
You think she choose to lose all colours in her life...
And she chose to live in shades of Grey...
Only if she could choose...
As she is drawn to shades of grey...
Colours become distant...
Something she thought will burn her  again...
As she is slowly started to mix colours...
As if testing hot water...
Let her to accept the colours...
Let her gone through all colours...
And when the time comes she’ll choose one...

— Jonna Adam

How I wish...
I can write...
What I feel...
With openness...
With passion...
With love...
Without any fear...
Without any judgement...
Without any regrets....
To convey the message...


—Jonna Adam

How I wish I could walk again in solitude....
Through the paths I have taken in the past...
To revisit the places I have travelled...
Which hold so many memories....
Memories which I hold on to my heart...
Never letting it go for years....
How once I wished to visit....
Holding your hands....
And showing you my life...
How I dreamed of you enjoying my happiness...
And how you will hold me through my sadness....
How you will help me to let it all go....
But as I never found you....
I dreamed of walking in solitude...
It may take me years....
And it may be painful too...
But being in pain for years...
I don’t feel it anymore....
Unable to tell apart what is pain...
And what is happiness...
May be walk in Solitude is what I needed...
To make me alive...

— Jonna Adam

Wanna get drenched one day...
With you beside me....
And feel the rain....
Running around holding our hands...
Laughing around and let the rain kiss our skins...
And enjoy the coldness...
And when we stop to catch our breath...
How you will pull me to you...
And hug me from behind...
And caress my belly under my wet clothes....
And how you will part my hair and nuzzles my nape....
And gently give a bite....
Which made me shiver against you....
And I couldn’t hold anymore..
That I turned around and kissed your lips...
Standing barefoot on you feet...
You hold me tightly and deepened the kiss...

A word...
We ask ourselves...
So many times...
There are so many what if’s...
That we would like change...
What if we said “No”
What if  we said “Yes”
But alas we are supposed to walk through all these what if’s...
Some became our regrets...
Some become our happiness...
May it’s our fate...
May be destiny...
May be that’s what made what we are...

—Joanna Adam

Do you know what is the worst pain in life...
To see the disappointment in the eyes of your loved ones...
When they see you...
The sigh, which they made...
When they see you...
which hold a lot of meaning...
Hurts like hell...
Their eyes and silence talks much more than them...
Still they  couldn’t understand you...
As you never let anyone...
They don’t know your helplessness or regrets...
They don’t see the pleading in your eyes...
They only saw the arrogance and selfishness....
Yet you smiled and talked...
Like you never saw the hurt in their eyes...

— Jonna Adam