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Do you know what is the worst pain in life...
To see the disappointment in the eyes of your loved ones...
When they see you...
The sigh, which they made...
When they see you...
which hold a lot of meaning...
Hurts like hell...
Their eyes and silence talks much more than them...
Still they  couldn’t understand you...
As you never let anyone...
They don’t know your helplessness or regrets...
They don’t see the pleading in your eyes...
They only saw the arrogance and selfishness....
Yet you smiled and talked...
Like you never saw the hurt in their eyes...

— Jonna Adam
Have you noticed shades of grey...
Which can bring out anything...
Whether in picture....
Or in life...
May be that’s why I fell in love with shades of grey...
Life which was full of colours...
Got erased by so many...
Without knowing it, I began to see the shades of grey...
And it became a part of me...
I dreamed my life in shades of grey...
Made me think that it’s what I deserved...
Afraid to think of getting it coloured..
Bcoz what if it get erased again...
And what if it become black...
And nobody to colour it....
Shades of grey made me happy of my own...
As happy that I was not thrown to the pitch black of life...
Grey which has its own brightness...
Showed me the reality...
Not the outrageous colours of lies...
So I’ll just hold on to you forever...
As you are safe to be dreamed of...
A word...
We ask ourselves...
So many times...
There are so many what if’s...
That we would like change...
What if we said “No”
What if  we said “Yes”
But alas we are supposed to walk through all these what if’s...
Some became our regrets...
Some become our happiness...
May it’s our fate...
May be destiny...
May be that’s what made what we are...

—Joanna Adam
Writing a new book...
With new characters...
And new story line...
I have been fooling myself...
Holding on to an older book...
With past characters...
Which have already wrote new chapters...
Without me...
May be it’s time for me be part of a new book...
And not the rusty old book...
Even though the rusty old book was once my life...
Let you be reference for my new one...
Not my griefs or broken promises...

— Joanna Adam
Don’t we all have mask...
That we have perfected over the years...
As it become second skin...
Unable to remove it...
And without it, feeling vulnerable...

My smile is what i masked first...
As she told me not to smile too much...
May be that’s why I started to find reasons not to smile....
And that’s the time I realised...
How I was betrayed....
And that got me reasons...
Not to smile...
And one day I stopped smiling....
And she was worried I m not myself anymore....
So I perfected a small smile....
To satisfy her....
And now I wear a mask for everyone...
As they needed...

May be one day I can remove it...
And get to breathe the happiness of freedom...

— Jonna Adam
Do you know I don’t remember  you....
I didn’t even keep your photo...
Nothing is left with me to remember you...
I don’t remember your birthday day...
I don’t remember the way you smiled...
I don’t remember your favourite colour...
I don’t remember your favourite song...
I don’t remember the girl you loved...
The one you always talked about...
I don’t remember our whispers in late nights...
I don’t remember your hugs...
I don’t remember the day you left us...
As I made myself to forget everything about you...
I came to your house to console you as I didn’t know who left us...
To know it was you...
I wished I could follow you...
I wished I could cry...
The unfinished talks...
The unfinished letters...
You were the one I hold on to when I was low...
I dreamed of us growing up...
You marrying your loved one...
And me living alone...
And here I m all grown up...
And you are not here to see that...
— Jonna Adam
I can feel and see you fading away...
Fading away from me...
I thought of holding you...
As I always have...
But I saw you not holding me back...
So I m letting you go...
Without any fight....
May be because I too want to fade away from you...
As I felt being caged by you...


— Jonna Adam
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