I long for a love
To consume me again
To be enamored and intrigued
To implicitly desire tomorrow
So that I might
See them for the first time again
And again
And again
To make a million memories
And a million more
To learn every little thing
That brings a smile to their face
And present them with it
As often as I can
I long for a love
To dedicate myself to
To feel that place
That lost tender place
In my chest again
To have a laugh
A smile
A heart
To adore above all others
To give all that I can
All that I am
And hold each other in our arms
As we fall together

I long to retain my freedom
To remain a lonely half
I long for this unparalleled time
Of growth and introspection
To last until the last drop of eternity
Drips through that paradoxical hourglass
Glass
Like a broken heart, shattered
My broken heart
Shattered
Freed from a searing *******
And the self hatred it inflicted
I am finally able to be myself
And figure out who
That person in the looking glass is
Improve myself
For myself
And be my own self
No longer worrying
About not being good enough
I want to become a person
My own person
A proud person
A humble person
A strong person
A kind person

I long for a love that sets me free
One that supports me on my journey
One that I can turn to for support
One that can grow with me
One that doesn't stay
Stuck in the past
I long for someone to complete me
And not replace me
Not resent me
Not hurt me
I long for a partner
I long for an adventure
I long for a future
I long for a love
That sets me free

Your touch is warm
As your fingers gently caress my arm
I hold my breath as if
Depriving myself of oxygen
Could make this moment last
I lean into you
Resting my head on yours
Kissing your crown
As you bury your face in my chest
With a sigh that melts my heart

This moment is perfect
Heaven couldn't improve
Upon an eternity spent like this
Nor could Hell be worse
Than our eventual part

Your touch was warm
But as always
I awake
And I realize
You were never really here
I look around my empty room
As I sit in my empty bed
And reflect on my empty life
And I feel cold

These dreams of memories
Of days long gone
Are a fleeting fantasy
And a reminder
A reminder
Of a life without you
An all too harsh reality
With which I am all too familiar

There is a thin line between
Nihilism and optimism
You see
An optimist believes
That things work out in the end
There's no need to worry
A nihilist believes
The time before the end is meaningless
There's no reason to worry

There is a thin line between
Nihilism and optimism
And sometimes
As I lay staring at my ceiling
Desperately trying
To wield apathy like a shield
Against encroaching thoughts
Like goblins crawling
From the darkest crevices
Of a mind bent on self-flagellation
I become that line