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I don't understand, according to society, the new look is your ribs poking out of your chest and having a thigh gap as wide as the grand canyon. Do people not realize that isn't healthy! I want to see curves, not the curvature of your bones! You don't need to lose a meal in hopes of being pretty, you don't need to cake your face with make up. Beauty is all about who you are, not about your skeleton or the brand of makeup you use. Beauty isn't forcing yourself to throw up, it's eating more healthy food and saying a big "*******!" to the few who try to call you otherwise. **** society, make your own standards.
Every minute of everyday of every week of every month of every year, all I hear is your voice. Your voice has driven me to the point of insanity, you are the reason I hate myself. The reason why I have scars. The reason why I want to die. I can't take it anymore, I thought if I left then the pain would go away but I was wrong.
Everyday I hear the names.
Stupid, *****, worthless, *******, useless, ******, and so many more I can't name them without a risk of having a breakdown.
Every week I feel the pain of the hits.
In my sides, back, thighs, and arms.
Every months I hear the old things.
I wish you were never born, I wish you would just leave.
So I did. But I still want to die.
Every year... I miss and love you even when I shouldn't... But what can I say... I'm a stupid worthless birth who should've never been born, right dad?
We remember the days that brought us pain.
We remember the days that brought us pleasure.
We remember the days that brought us happiness.
We remember the days that brought us sadness.
We remember the days that brought us hate.
We remember the days that brought us love.
I remember the day the scars began.
I remember the day the pain didn't stop.
I remember the day where the pleasure seemed to disappear.
I remember the day where happiness seemed impossible.
I remember the day that sadness was my only friend.
I remember the day when hate was all I knew.
I remember the day... I fell in love.
The rain that falls from my eyes is not a true rain.
The rain is not used to water gardens.
The rain is not used to quench the thirst of others.
The rain is simply a rain of relief.
A relief of release, no longer needing to hold back anymore.
I feel the rain fall down my cheeks.
I watch the rain fall on my scars.
Then more rain begins to fall as new ones are created.
This rain is not a storm nor is it a drizzle.
This rain is just simply there.
The rain that has rained a thousand times.
The rain is so much more than what can truly be described.
I cherish this rain for it does not come often.
The rain doesn't always come when called with a blade.
The rain sometimes just likes to come and visit.
So I allow it.
The rain will always be my friend.
i don't know what I was thinking. I had an idea but I think I ****** it up. :(
You say stroll down memory lane,
I say revisiting the house of horrors.
To you, a simple memory.
To me, my worst nightmare.

It doesn't matter what time of day it is,
I'm still scared out of my mind.
It is currently 2:47 A.M and all I can think of is your smile.
Your straight and partially stained teeth have tainted my mind.

The way your appearance has changed over the years baffles me.
You used to be handsome, strong, and so caring.
Now, you've grown too thin along with your hair.
You went from bad to worse with the substance that took everything from you.

I hear you laugh from the good times we had.
I hear you scream from the bad times we had.
They both echo endlessly through my mind.
Is it bad that I can't tell which one I try to avoid more?

I miss the good times between us.
I used to cherish hearing you say you loved me.
Only because it was such a rare thing.
I can't remember what it sounds like coming from your throat.

What is a child supposed to do without a father?
You were my everything, but it seems I was not yours.
For you, your everything is the thing that'll end you.
I tried to save you but it seems you didn't want to be saved.

I fear that one day I'll forget the thinness of your hair and frame,
Too late for the feeling of your arms during an embrace.
Was it too much for you to hug me.

The eyes that I feared so much are now burned into the back of my mind.
How the whites of your eyes became more yellow each day.
How the once brown eyes are now an ugly greenish blue.
How the skin around them has sunken in.

Was I not enough?
What did I do wrong?
Was I not the daughter you wanted?
What did I do to make you treat me like that?

You act as if I hate you but that's not true.
In fact, it's the opposite, I love you.
I love you more than anything.
That's why I left, I gave up everything for you in hopes you would get better.

I guess it wasn't enough.
Nothing ever was.
Not even my scars.
I'll always love you, but I can't promise that I'll ever call you my dad again.
This one is obviously for my father. I'm running out of options on how to get over this ****.
I'm tired of pain.
I'm tired of waking up every morning think the same thing.
     "Will I do it today?"
     "What if I did do it today?"
     "No one would notice anyway."
I'm tired of missing the pain.
      I don't want the pain of a blade anymore.
      I don't want to miss /him/ but I do. I miss the pain he gave me.

I'm tired of remembering. Remembering why /he/ hit me. Why /he/ yelled at me. Why /he/ didn't love me.

I'm tired of fighting. All my life I've been fighting for myself and I no longer have the strength. I was never meant to fight on my own.

But yet... After all this...

I won't give up. Not until this feeling of being so tired is over.
I can't just quit...
Maybe one day.... It'll all be okay.
Just here on the verge of tears.
Wondering when it'll go away.
If it'll ever go away.
I don't need it.
I want it.
Will I survive?
Do I want to?
That's a different story.
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