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Too many lies have touched my ears for 17 years of life.
"I'm busy."
"I'll be there in five minutes."
Sure some lies are normal.
"You're beautiful."
"You're so funny."
But next time,
"You're an amazing artist."
"You're so smart!"
Could you please
"I love spending time with you."
"You're a great person."
Just tell me the truth?
"I'll never leave you."
"I love you."
I've come to a realization. I have finally accepted who I am. For those of you who don't know, I used to self-harm. I would wake up everyday, see my scars and hate who I am. But I have stopped that horrible behavior and for the longest time still hated myself. Now, I can look at my scars and say that I don't regret them. They have made me into who I am today, and for once... I can look at myself and finally say I'm beautiful. I'm not saying this for attention, I'm saying it for those of you who've done the same thing or want to. All of you will eventually have the same realization even if it's in the next five minutes or the next five years. There's always hope. And just think, today is a new day, maybe today will be the day it all gets better.
Her ribs crackled, in the skeleton night.
And I remember my mouth on hers,
where atomic fish hooks attached our lips.
Where there was nothing like kissing
like our God wasn't dead.

She was accused of killing a taxi driver
in the Brazilian underbelly.
Smoking a cigarette, she dropped it on the ground,
spat on it, and crushed it with her bare foot,
saying she fell in love with the way
his sleep-drenched body lay.

And I told her to stay home.
And I told her that they'd find her.
But she didn't stay home.
And they did find her.

Chasing her through the Babylon brush,
insults were thrown and so were balloons of gasoline.
Each pink, yellow, and green vessel floated in the air, as an internal opera heightened.
And sour splashes spread across her body,
as she fled from the vigilante mob.

The children danced along the panoramic horizon she ran beside,
laughing, pointing, singing.
The slumbering sorrow of the situation became evident,
and she started to feel the calm of fleeting life.

Her dreams aborted and her ideals became fallacies,
and with the sound of fuzzy motors in the background, her heart leapt and her feet slipped.

Rope ate into her, wrapping her like the orphaned recklessness of each set of eyes that painted her.
She squirmed amongst the cheers.
She cried with every thrown beer and balloon.
The empty-eyed males gang ***** her.
The women covered the children's eyes,
and the children tried to move their mothers' hands.

And I pushed my way through the crowd.
And I saw her smothered in blood, beer, and gasoline.
I wanted to halt the hurricane that destroyed morality.
But I am a coward.
Frozen by my fear, I, too, am a murderer.
And a murderer I'll always be,
for the burning of all that was good.

Sudden flames soared towards the sky.
Laughter escaped as molotov cocktails exploded onto her body.
Her head turned towards the crowd,
as flames scampered across her face.
I saw in her, what I never saw before,
which was the human race.
 Jun 2015 Jodey Ross
 Jun 2015 Jodey Ross
i am ******* lost without you,
i am a ******* mess.
i have cried,
i have broken down.
i haven't eaten,
i haven't slept.
i need you so much
you don't even realize it.
i miss you so much,
i am so desperate for you.
turn back to me.
i miss you.
Cats say "meow, feed me punny human."
Dogs say "I love you, Master! Could you feed me please?"
Cows say "Moo, I'm a cow."
Ducks say "Quack, get the hell out of my way."
Bugs say "Oh look! A freshly cleaned car! Let me go explode my insides on it!"
Society says "You're fat, Go **** yourself, You're stupid. Ew, your thighs touch? That's nasty. Oh my god, your ribs aren't visible through your skin! What's wrong with you!?"
No one likes society, maybe society should just go **** itself rather than making us all hate ourselves.
Darkness covers my vision, making me fear my own actions.
The actions I can't control.
The action of me picking up a blade, only for the light to come back as my lover walks in.
The action of me screaming at my lover, only for the light to come back the next morning.
Who I am can change and it scares me.
I don't know what to do.
I can't control myself anymore.
I need the pain.
I need the blade.
I need the blood.
I can't survive the blackout...
Why not?
Stop asking why and start asking why not.
I will no longer let you control me.
I will no longer listen to you.
I will no longer believe what you say to me.
I will no longer do what you want me to.
I will no longer pretend to be happy when you're around.
I will no longer accept that I can't get away from you.
I will no longer carve a smile into myself just so I can be happy.
I will no longer hide away from everyone just to be with you.
I will no longer believe a blade is my only salvation.
I will no longer think death is the only way.
I will no longer call you my only friend.
So, I'm sorry depression but this is goodbye. So long dear friend, it wasn't fun, but I have a life and I intend on living it.
Goodbye, thank you for showing me what isn't worth doing in life.
But most of all, thank you for the experience.
With love, Stephanie Bracey.
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