==================================================
last night I dreamed of you
...
well not really dreamed, but I
thought of you
...
i couldn't sleep
...
my brain wouldn't
allow me to not think of
how this all
could have been
different
...
if you didn't
catch my eye
in the
winter
...
as i performed
for a whole audience,
but the smile
on your face
...
i was performing
for you
as you watched
me
not so graciously
flail about
...
you were happy
then
we could have left it
there
...
this could have been
different
if we didn't
meet
in the
spring
...
if you didn't
hold onto me
watching the others
perform
...
this could have
been
much
different
if it wasn't all
based on
performance
...
on acting
...
on false smiles
...
we were playing
pretend
...
weren't we?
==================================================

==================================================
I still have screenshots.
From nights
You definitely
Do not remember.
...
I still have recordings
Of things
You don't remember saying.
Words you don't remember falling
From your mouth.
...
I still have memories.
From the first few nights.
Mental images of our smiles.
The laughter.
The fun.
Our happiness.
...
I wish I could
Forget.
....
I want to
Forget
...
I need to
Forget
The way you looked at
Me
==================================================

This isn’t about the Sun anymore.
This isn’t about being the Earth anymore.
For once it’s not about being walked on.
It’s not about false hope.
It’s about hurting.
…
This is about burning.
…
Not because of the Sun.
But rather, the fact that you blindly followed a torch in the darkness and now—now you are lost.
…
And no matter how long you stare at the plaster on your ceiling, all of the lines and dots and weird shapes, the map isn’t clear.
…
You wanted to grab the torch to bring the light closer, to see better.
…
But you went to far and grabbed the flame.
...

==================
1) My gaze
2) My sadness
3) My time
4) My well-being
5) My joy
6) My heart
==================


You left me with nothing but
happy memories that
I want to forget

I often worry
about what it is like to
be missed by certain
people.

Then I remember
"How will I pay for college?"
That's more important.
Isn't it?