Maybe I’m naive
Or maybe all the things I wish for can be achieved
The hate I have for you is shifty, I could never hate you completely
There are times when I get crazy but five minutes into it I get lazy
I don’t have the energy to keep the ******* up, you might see it as half empty but I see a half full cup.
In all honesty the drama makes me choke and at the end of the night I hope we can laugh it off like a joke.
Some would say I’m too forgiving yet unrelenting.
I have a soft heart but please don’t let me start.
I don’t like myself when I’m angry, there’s so much more love can free
Anger puts you in a cage, nothing drags you down more than rage
Love let’s you breathe, pushes you to be the best you can be.
When I look at you I see passed the mean charade,  and see you for what you are.
The man I fell in love with, the sweet gentle lover. You haven’t been that man for so long now, he seems like a myth.
You have so much hateful **** to say, I wish I could just shut you up when I tell you it’ll be okay

First day we ever met I gave you a pep talk.
I sat across from you telling you you’ve got to get off your *** and break through that mental block.
Since then I always knew you had potential but so does every joe and sally. It doesn’t make you all that special.
I should of known that loving you for who you could be isn’t the same as actually being all those things that I see.
I looked at you and saw a man with a vision, who was woke but in reality you were just another lame pothead who was broke.
I wasn’t exactly all that either, was just another run away with cabin fever.
Angry at world and disappointed in my brothers for beating my *** and grew up feeling like everyone owed me something which explains the sass.
Here we are ten years later and you’re father.
I thought our son would make you step up but i don’t know why I even bothered.
You’re making a couple bucks above the minimum wage and here I am making an actual change.
I know I shouldn’t compare but I can’t help but wonder why I still care.
We’ve all got our obstacles to get through. I guess I’m just disappointed in all the growing it seems you’ll never do.

Seems likes this whole time I was only chasing a dream or a moment in time when everything seemed perfect and sublime
The moment has passed and no matter how much I strive for it, all we have now is something that will never last
“It’s better to have loved than to have never loved at all”
Can’t let go of the past cause I feel like we could still have it all
We had the craziest of romances
We’ve given each other about 20 second chances
Each time we grew a little colder but I kept trying to reenact those days where I’d fall asleep on your shoulder
I finally realized it’ll never be the same and you’re not the only one whose to blame
You left me alone cold in the rain and I couldn’t find it in my heart to forgive you or let go of the pain.
I never stoped loving you and I probably never will and I apologize if my insecurities have taken away from our happiness and thrills
I’m sorry I never listened and tried moving on
I still want to share your last name with you and our son.

You questioned my virtue
After witnessing all the things that I’ve been through
From the time I kept my heavily gates locked and suffered the repercussion
A swollen face and minor concussion
To the time I had a miscarriage scared and alone
We still loved each other but first I needed the father of my child to atone..
I always thought my honesty was something you adored
Never thought the day would come where you would be the one calling me a *****
I could never be this open with anybody other than you.
I thought you were my best friend but now that couldn’t be any less true.
You used to tell me everything
From the highlight of your nights to the grimiest of schemes
Something along the way was lost
I sit and wonder what it could be
Now I cry cause I can’t remember the last time
you kissed my forehead ever so gently
Your kisses aren’t the same
But whose to blame
I remember the time when I could fall asleep in your arms
I hated how those pictures of me passed out They didn’t do any justice for my girlish charms..
I thought you knew me and my insecurities
I thought I knew you but I look at you now and I don’t know who is standing in front me
I’m sure you feel the same
I don’t know how it got to this to point
and I sure as hell don’t know who to blame..
What if it could be a good thing
Maybe the birth of our son will give us a new song to sing
I still want to be your wife but
I guess I should be grateful that I’ll always be in your life
I always wanted to have your child, I wanted at least four.
I don’t know where you’ll be after you walk out that door..
And I’ve never been so scared
Never thought the day would come where I wouldn’t be spared
Will you ever come back?
You’re harder to reach the further you fade to black..

I’ve been hurt before
1, 2, 3 times maybe more..
Each time a little different,
and more painful than the last.
All caused by the same ghost who
haunts me from my past..
They say the 3rd time is a charm
but I never realized an entity could cause such harm.

As my belly begins to swell
The apparition decided now
is the time to drag me to hell.
My unborn child is innocent, I cried
Spare him and take me
but the man he once was has died
Only his spirit remains
And all the things he eventually became.

What was once warm to the touch
or sweet to the taste.
Is now cold and bitter and wants to lay my soul to waste.
I clench and cry for what grows in my abdomen
as he greets and pays the lonely ferrymen.
I pray to the gods, this can’t be real and if so
Please give me the strength to survive yet another hellish ordeal.

Missing you as much as I do
Starting to premeditate all the ways I could drop a clue
In your presence is when I felt my loveliest
Tried to replace you cause now I’m at my loneliest.
Can’t forget how much you want me to get better
Your pep talks couldn’t have gotten me any more wetter

Lately I haven’t been able to sleep
Compared to you everyone just seems so bleak
I toss and turn and don’t realize it’s getting late
Can’t even bring myself to *******
I get aggravated cause I can’t get you out of my head
Especially when I picture that other ******* your bed

Then I remember all the childish things I did
Don’t want to let history repeat itself, god forbid
Our friendship might not ever be the same
But for that only I’m not the only one to blame
Why did you have to move on so fast
When you led me to think what we shared was something that could last
I’ve never wanted to try so hard
I wanted to be the only and last girl you brought to the yard.

Can’t seem to end this poem
My hearts pounding and all I can think is
“I can’t wait to show him”
You say my company isn’t something you’re missing
Can’t stop the tears as I watch the videos of us kissing
I captured a moment where you said
Those three words that put my insecurity to bed

I feel brand new
I’ve got a new set of goals
No more excuses
No more switching roles
I am me and I can swim myself to safety
Only way out of the gutter is up
It’s about time it goes beyond words it’s going to be tough
All that matters is that I know I’m enough
If I love myself as a person
Somebody will want to **** me rough
The way i like it, I’ve always wanted to be like Alexa from spy kids
Smart and real force to be reckoned with
I’ve got the tools, it’s about time I finished school
I want him admire me while I whipe off his drool
I’ve never wanted to love myself so much before..
I’m such a fool

This whole time I’ve wanted to be a queen
But was never good enough for the king