Trying my best
To progress
There is only do
Or do not
Yoda thought
So most of the time
We fought

I’ve got anger
Issues
Many birthdays
I’ve wished you
In all my hearts pain
I miss you

You’re not quite
Who I knew
We used to
Chill with brew
Remember the time
We flew?

We argued then too
Across the country
And it’s all we could do
Here I go again
Trying to scrape this
**** off my shoe

My heat is turning
For flight I’m yearning
The sun is hot
My wings are burning
I’ve got warrior feet
At the road ahead
I’ll be turning
Run or fly
I’ll chase the sky
Metaphorically
Astrophysically
My physical being
seems to limit me
This fool in my bed won’t
Give me matrimony

If this was Salem
I’d burn at the stake
No matter what era
You take pride
In the hearts you break
The years you take
The lies you make

The least you can do
Is own your ****
2 woman gone mad
there’s a pattern  here
You’ve got to admit
Wait where did the charm go
Where’s that wit?
Even Letty said
She couldn’t trust your *** for ****
Apparently you ****** her sister
And ****** some old lady’s ****

Even when he’s got it made
Angel turned demon throws his shade
Should you call you the devil
From hell you came
I’ve stooped to your level
And only I’m to blame

I’m running in circles
I’ve got a scattered brain
Does this look normal?
Or have I gone insane?

I tired of the 9-5
Just look in my eyes
This job is draining me
Of my creativity
And happy vibes
I come home and I just wanna die

It doesn’t help that I live
In a lions den
Every morning I wake up
There’s a beautiful silence
And then
Noon comes around here comes
Big mama with a big ole frown
I thought I’d just chill on my day off
Rent is paid but it ain’t enough

I think I need some air
Maybe I should go to my moms house
And see if my family cares
Ha Ha
I needed that laugh
Look at me
I’ve begun to chaff

Anything to just break a smile
People swear I’m crude or ******* vile
Yet we got fools praising a dead man
A woman beater a native to gang land
I’m just trying to get my head straight
Don’t bother me now
No time to contemplate
Tummy’s hungry
And I’ve got an empty plate

Gotta write about what’s weighing you down
About the things making you frown
Don’t hold it in mama,
You need to let go
Make room for your roots to grow
For your stems to flow
Let your flowers blossom
Pull the weeds and toss em
Bring back that old smile
It’s been a while since I’ve seen you
I know it’s hard mama but bills are due
Wipe the tears
Face your fears
Hold your temper
Remember to pull your strength from last September
The memories make you cry
But let the tears fuel your drive!

I can tell he wants me
to show him around,
take him out and show
how him how I get down.
He wants me to smile but
my face is stuck in a frown.

Boy didn’t you notice
when I tried taking you out on the town?
When we rode with my girl C,
you brought your boy V
Then the time I got into a fight that
nobody even got to see
My girl didn’t like you
I wonder, how could that be??

Once upon a time
you were down
to do anything.
Rain or shine.
Doesn’t matter what we do
as long as youre mine.
Lately it feels like youre
wasting my time.
Feels like a one way street.
All of a sudden you
don’t make me feel like a treat

You see I’ve
Taken you out
You know the
life I’m about.
Yet we still
scream and shout
cause now we never
seem to get out
At least not enough
I know at the moment
Life feels a bit rough
But we can’t be consumed
Part of us died
Let it be exhumed
Dust off our shoulders
and hit resume
Let’s start living
& forgiving
Then start stacking up it
to the ceiling
I thought you were my back up
But it’s me that you’re killing

We don’t need to go hard
or spend money at the bar
We don’t even need to go far
Let’s go to guitar center
and pretend to be stars

Im sorry for my ****** mood
But if you don’t try
We’re *******

I’m set
All my features
are built to make you wet.
Thick thighs,
An open mind.
One of a kind.
Meant to Be’s
Destinies
All seems like *******
To me.
You feel what
I see
Know what
I mean
Stand out
Move on up
Without doubt
Don’t lean
Back
Or hesitate
Motivation is all you lack
Hard working
On the right track
Back in the day
I used to rack
It’s time I earned my place
Now I’ve got expensive taste
See me dancin’
Grab my waist
Hope you don’t mind the chase
Easy baby
No need
For haste
Take your time
Let me sip my wine
Play no games
Show some shame
Free of guilt
Understand how I’m built
Don’t water a flower
It’ll wilt
I want a man who
Laughs at himself
Who won’t put me
Or my feelings
On the shelf
Hear my wants
Rub my bad knees
I’ll give you all
That’ll please..
A good man
Is all I need

I don’t know why I’m so attracted to people who don’t want me around

Maybe part of me likes it
When he feasts on my heart like a tri-tip

I could run for miles and he wouldn’t chase me
Why did he waste me?

The circles I ran
All the *****
Hitting the fan

In the back of my mind I knew
This **** was to good to be true
Your like salt to my open wounds
But in the end your what makes me stronger
Just when I think I can’t take it that much longer
My heart keeps growing fonder
Or am I holding onto false hope
What if this ain’t love and it’s just the dope?

I’m strung out, a fiend for your love
Yearning for a burning
I can feel my stomach turning

You’re only your sweetest
After you’ve been your meanest
And when all is done and said
I’m lucky if I’m the one you take to bed
When the odds are in my favor
Your minds on the neighbor
But at least I’ve got that purple *******
guess whose on my mind?
The mental manipulator

******* turned night terror
I got Charles Manson
When I wanted
Jack Herer

Ok maybe he’s not like Charlie
But he always made me sorry -
For wasting  my time
Wanting you was a crime
Gave you all that
I had to give
Even wrote you this stupid rhyme.

You ask me to stay when my emotions begin to sway
You’ve noticed me noticing him, all of a sudden I’m so far away
What happened to the gallery of ******
All the times you said picking me up was a chore
And when you said we can’t get married
Cause of your credit score
All of a sudden my absence is threatening
Here comes the beckoning
All I’ve ever wanted suddenly looks so sickening

The could of, would of, should of’s
You will always be one of first loves

You say this time will be different
Now the other man seems indifferent
You never wanted me and now you do?
I wanted somebody else
But he left my lips blue

I don’t know why I’m so attracted to people who don’t want me around
When they finally do
My hearts buried in the ******* ground

I guess I’m a ***** now cause I said your beats need bass
Sometimes I wish I could smack ya face
Leave your *** without a trace

You said you didn’t ask for my advice
but want me to be to your wife?
If you don’t try to grow,
I swear on my life
I’ll be the first one to stick the knife

Right now that guy looks enticing
Cause my partner ain’t inviting
I’m tired of the vibrating
Of my purple play thing
The time you’re wasting

I run cause I seek safety
Anywhere where someone won’t play me
I’m not stupid, I’m not *******
He calls me names so our ways parted
I can go the distance but I’ll end up where I started

Conintously trying, my brain is frying
Can no longer comprehend
which way my back should bend
You bend me over
**** me raw, my ***** is he best thing
You ever saw
You make me bend over backwards
Whenever you think you ain’t wrong
You remind my of my favorite song
You should stronger than me, am I wrong?

And now I can get over you the way I should have
Knowing I didn’t do all that I could have
Now I can wallow in regret
Cause my ego had done nothing but bring me dread.
Remorse.
It’s my own fault my hearts so coarse
Now you have two daughters with her
For better
For worse
This whole time I thought I was cursed
But I was just getting ready to ride the hearse
In a hurry to be buried
I’ve done my worse
This is all new
This part ain’t rehearsed  
You went from not even crossing my mind
To being  featured in my verse
It hit me like a ton of bricks
I hope this feeling
Ain’t the type that sticks

If my man finds out
He’ll have a fit
He’ll pick a corner for me to sit
Like a piece of furniture
But I guess this is what I get..

Here comes the epiphany
The moment where I finally gain some sanity
Before I was aware now I’m finally self aware
I can finally see what’s in my 1000 yard stare
When did I ever become so eager
Where did it begin?
Maybe it’s the child that’s lost within
who was deprived of attention
Finally the attention did come but it was unfortunately through molestation
My heart races for it, my mind paces for it
People I love find it hard do ignore it
It’s about time I stopped boring it
It it it it it
**** attention
I don’t even need a mention
Why should I cry
Pry my heart and let it dry
I’m so angry at myself
How the **** did I put my own needs on the shelf
**** this
No more excuses
It’s time to stop being so useless
People see I don’t take care of myself
Why did I put my dignity on the shelf
I need to stop substituting those things for the elf
I don’t need help
That’s why they all yelp
I need to get off my ***
I have no reason for sass
I’m not the ****
I’ve got a lot of more to work on than I’d like to admit

At least I have my words
To comfort
Reassure
To help myself feel confident
When I’m insecure

Ive tried to understand
I’d always ask nicely
Never demand
For a few kind words
Sitting here in silence is the worse
All I want to hear is that you miss me
That I’m all you’ve ever wanted
Lately you’ve just been acting fishy.

I don’t know how long it’s been anymore
I lost track of keeping score
Can’t remember the last time you gave me a hug
Watched me get dressed or undress me with your eyes or the last time you want to make love
I’m trying but I’ve been worn down
Cry so much in these tears I could drown

I stay cause there’s far worse that I’ve endured
But i know the time for me to leave is coming
Rest assured...

I’ve got this massive ego
I need to deflate
Or else the only
time I’ll finish is when I *******
There’s apologies I have to make
But should they be heard
Should I write him or
send a bird
I might explode if I go unheard

But I should probably mind my business
So his baby mama won’t witness
The weakness we might share
What if the spark is still there
I’m not prepared, in fact I’m scared
His two beautiful daughters
don’t need to see that daddy still cares
Not just for their mama
But for someone whose not there

As far as I know
He’s unaware of how much I care
How sorry I’ve become
Don’t see myself being welcomed
Into his arms, into his home
****** up my chance
Now I wake up and feel alone
I want to atone

I pray she brings you misery
And you tire of her company
Like this fool broke his promise
Of matrimony..
I’m tired of being lonely

I’m tired of being late
So I lay awake
After I *******
I ask myself
Why did I wait?
Maybe I wasn’t ready
I think of him now
And I can’t keep my hand steady
Stare at the ceiling till my eyes grow heavy

The wettest of dreams
when I wake it isn’t as real as it seems

My heart sinks

It’s been so long.
Maybe it needed to go wrong
So I could write this sad song
Maybe I needed to get hurt
So I could see how much I treated you like dirt..

Tell me what to do
Why wasn’t I prepared..
How the ****
Did I become so ensnared
I never thought I cared
Why everyone ******* stares
What the **** are you looking at
Be nice or your face will meet my bat
This isn’t some shallow vent
I’ve given you everything
I’m ******* spent
8 years and a baby gone
Where did we ever go wrong
If only your reassurance
Wasn’t so hollow
Don’t be mad that my pride
Is the only thing I’ll swallow
Can’t I at least get credit for
Paying my rent??
I want to be a mom
But your youth was so cheaply spent..
why not try fasting for lent??
****, I just hit a nerve
Here come the tears.
As fast as my lyrical mood came, it went..

You questioned my virtue
After witnessing all the things that I’ve been through
From the time I kept my heavily gates locked and suffered the repercussion
A swollen face and minor concussion
To the time I had a miscarriage scared and alone
We still loved each other but first I needed the father of my child to atone..
I always thought my honesty was something you adored
Never thought the day would come where you would be the one calling me a *****
I could never be this open with anybody other than you.
I thought you were my best friend but now that couldn’t be any less true.
You used to tell me everything
From the highlight of your nights to the grimiest of schemes
Something along the way was lost
I sit and wonder what it could be
Now I cry cause I can’t remember the last time
you kissed my forehead ever so gently
Your kisses aren’t the same
But whose to blame
I remember the time when I could fall asleep in your arms
I hated how those pictures of me passed out They didn’t do any justice for my girlish charms..
I thought you knew me and my insecurities
I thought I knew you but I look at you now and I don’t know who is standing in front me
I’m sure you feel the same
I don’t know how it got to this to point
and I sure as hell don’t know who to blame..
What if it could be a good thing
Maybe the birth of our son will give us a new song to sing
I still want to be your wife but
I guess I should be grateful that I’ll always be in your life
I always wanted to have your child, I wanted at least four.
I don’t know where you’ll be after you walk out that door..
And I’ve never been so scared
Never thought the day would come where I wouldn’t be spared
Will you ever come back?
You’re harder to reach the further you fade to black..

I finally ******* get it
I need to know when to stop
I need to know when to focus
Enough of the smoke and mirrors
And all the hocus pocus
I’ve got to be preoccupied
To keep everything off my mind
What am I doing with my time?
Am I only a distraction
Instead of being the action
People wanna move
Standing still will make em snooze
Instead of being tight
I’ve never tried with all my might
Nobodies going to tell me what to do
If I expect it I’ll be *******
I cant let my **** be loose
Waking up is only the beginning
The rest of the day still needs some filling
My level needs to be higher
So I can gain and be desired
My brain had gone haywire
But I’ve finally fixed the wires
Finally some of my demons can retire
There are more moments when my head is clear now
Maybe I can finally get the standing ovation while I bow
I want to inspire
Be more than just admired
I want to truly be love
Tired of the when push comes to shove
I don’t want to fight anymore
There’s somebodies children I want to bore
What kind of mother would I be if I was just another chore

I feel brand new
I’ve got a new set of goals
No more excuses
No more switching roles
I am me and I can swim myself to safety
Only way out of the gutter is up
It’s about time it goes beyond words it’s going to be tough
All that matters is that I know I’m enough
If I love myself as a person
Somebody will want to **** me rough
The way i like it, I’ve always wanted to be like Alexa from spy kids
Smart and real force to be reckoned with
I’ve got the tools, it’s about time I finished school
I want him admire me while I whipe off his drool
I’ve never wanted to love myself so much before..
I’m such a fool

This whole time I’ve wanted to be a queen
But was never good enough for the king

Written by Diana Garcia**
hearts racing,
cherry red skin
chills down the spine
whispers that caress
my favorite sin

There is not much I care to share
But the more I write
The more I dare
I can overcome
All of what you’re unaware
And the less I’m scared
The more I want you to know
I still care.
It wasn’t always so
“I hate you” is what you were told
You shouldn’t have went into the cold
Our cave protected you from the snow
I’m sorry our love
Didn’t have a chance to grow.

It was all my fault
In my lonesome hell I shall rot.

There are so many beautiful things I can say about you
But at the moment none of that would sound all that true
Your **** is a must
Your tongue game is Strong
Trust
It’s your verbal reassurance
That has no endurance
I ******* love you daddy
In the lyrical game you’re a baddy
Yet you can’t seem to say one meaningful when it’s needed
A flower won’t flourish without water
But first it must be seeded

What am I here for
I thought I was your partner
But lately I feel like a chore
Feels like I don’t belong
What happened to the love we had
That was so strong
Is it the way I smell
Or did I do something wrong?

If I had taken chances with all those advances we would of met under different circumstances.
But in the end where the river bends
Turns out we’re all friends

I’m sorry for being so sorry
For being weak
For watching
Too much Maury
I live in a fantasy land
I get sad
Cause my reality is ******
I want so much
Just to touch
The heart of
Of he who hasn’t
Had mine for lunch


It’s my fault
It always is
You would think by now
I would be used do this
I don’t want to ruin anything
I don’t want to get in the way of what the future could bring
I need to get out before my soul begins to cling

I’m sorry.
For being lonely
For falling, low key
I’m sorry
I’m weak
The love I receive
Is much too bleak
I’m sorry
I wish I was stronger
I should just leave
Over and yonder


My only worry is
The farther i go
My heart will grow
That much fonder

I try my best not too
Look..
All this uncertainty has me
Shook

I never felt so worried
Over an ending
Of a story
Only before ours could be read
It always already fuckind dead

Before I go
I just wanted
To let you know



I’m Sorry

Man, all you ******* start out the same
Oh honey I can appreciate you, is all you claim.
Where’s the chivalry, why can’t y’all be gentlemanly. It’s such a shame
Can’t even walk around without being hounded by one of these ******* lames

Yes I said hounded cause y’all can be bunch of dogs.
If I look good, politely let your glasses fog
Try not to stare, a quick glance, don’t stare maybe you’ll have a chance, that’s fair.
I don’t expect perfect Prince Charming
But the lack of manners is ******* alarming

Ask me how I am, whatever you do dion’t say how you can give it to me
Or how you can make my day.
A nice conversation can go a long way.
Don’t ask me about my man, or why I don’t have one
All I’m gonna say, this would of been nice but now that fool won.
If he was putting it down I wouldn’t be hanging around.
If he asked how my day was
Id be all kisses and hugs
Yes I have a man but his selfishness
******* bugs
I thought I wanted a sweet man
Now I’m more attracted to thugs
At least now Im familiar with the ***** made
I don’t even feel right throwing his mama shade
She treats him like he’s a gift from god
The way she coddles him makes me ******* nod.
I’m done talking about this!
**** is making my sob.

Missing you as much as I do
Starting to premeditate all the ways I could drop a clue
In your presence is when I felt my loveliest
Tried to replace you cause now I’m at my loneliest.
Can’t forget how much you want me to get better
Your pep talks couldn’t have gotten me any more wetter

Lately I haven’t been able to sleep
Compared to you everyone just seems so bleak
I toss and turn and don’t realize it’s getting late
Can’t even bring myself to *******
I get aggravated cause I can’t get you out of my head
Especially when I picture that other ******* your bed

Then I remember all the childish things I did
Don’t want to let history repeat itself, god forbid
Our friendship might not ever be the same
But for that only I’m not the only one to blame
Why did you have to move on so fast
When you led me to think what we shared was something that could last
I’ve never wanted to try so hard
I wanted to be the only and last girl you brought to the yard.

Can’t seem to end this poem
My hearts pounding and all I can think is
“I can’t wait to show him”
You say my company isn’t something you’re missing
Can’t stop the tears as I watch the videos of us kissing
I captured a moment where you said
Those three words that put my insecurity to bed

Written by Diana Garcia
Oh the beauty I've created
This party of texture has me inebriated
With the right amount of finesse.
All the best foods leave a mess.
And this burger is finger licking good.
I'm living in between meals right now
So please don't let me be misunderstood.
Avocado breakfast burger, you are my god
Cause I've a single prayer, not for money not for a hot rod.
I prayed so my tummy could be full.
Not to any religious icon, to me that's all kind of dull..
I prayed to my skillet, hoping someday I'd be able to fill it...
I've got good rhyme going I hope I don't **** it**
It should be a crime to be this poor.
But it's better than sleeping on the floor
It's better than a million scenarios of which I don't have much time to explore.
For now my tummy is reloaded
Onward I go, happily bloated..

Written by Diana Garcia**
I'm sure you're aware
That I'm not well
But please don't stare
I wish for normalcy
To be upset about normal things
Flat tires, bills and
How good Don Henley sings..
Let's just say, I'm an open book.
My story isn't written well
It's pretty easy to tell if youd just
Take a look..
Erykah Badu said it best
Lady those bags make you stick
Out from the rest.
Let it go cause round and round i go
INDIOSYNCRASY
Hey Kevin Smith, maybe try making a movie about me??
Jokes aside, my pain and suffering are obviously things i want to hide.
This mask has become transparent
The more my problems became apparent.
My heart races for no reason
I feel lethargic, I'm here, you're there.
You're watching the movie
But I'm stuck in my thousand yard stare..
In the mornings I cry cause heres another **** day where I'll have to try.
I wish i could be sad about normal things. These problems are much to heavy
For these angel wings...

I’ve been hurt before
1, 2, 3 times maybe more..
Each time a little different,
and more painful than the last.
All caused by the same ghost who
haunts me from my past..
They say the 3rd time is a charm
but I never realized an entity could cause such harm.

As my belly begins to swell
The apparition decided now
is the time to drag me to hell.
My unborn child is innocent, I cried
Spare him and take me
but the man he once was has died
Only his spirit remains
And all the things he eventually became.

What was once warm to the touch
or sweet to the taste.
Is now cold and bitter and wants to lay my soul to waste.
I clench and cry for what grows in my abdomen
as he greets and pays the lonely ferrymen.
I pray to the gods, this can’t be real and if so
Please give me the strength to survive yet another hellish ordeal.

You used to sweet
& now you ain’t much of a treat
Unless you want some meat
When you want some of this ***
All of sudden you’ve got some class
& All it takes is a little sass
To remind you who you trying to **** with
Fool me once, fool me twice,
Third times a charm is a myth
******* you’re unappreciative
Once you had me inebriated
Now all I ever am is ******* irritated
I see the man I love but all I feel is hate for you
I walk away cause now I know it’s through
Don’t even think about coming back without bringing some fast food
Cause that’s all your good for now my dude
Your tongue used to make my toes curl
Now thinking about making love and everything you’ve done makes me want to hurl
I’m sorry lady boy, you’re going to have to find yourself a new girl..

Written by Diana Garcia**
Trees sway and swoon as their leaves begin to decay
Soaring winds blowing all and even my sins away
Beneath these November trees are memories
Of summers past. Romances that would never last.
Laughs that still bring a smile, thoughts of whom
I haven't seen in a while.
Season change is inevitable, the leaves always fall
Even the sun descends and the moonlight always comes to an end
If all change can be seen could it all look so serene?
What a blessing it would be if my change
was as pleasant as the night sky
Maybe it is
or at least I can try..

Seems likes this whole time I was only chasing a dream or a moment in time when everything seemed perfect and sublime
The moment has passed and no matter how much I strive for it, all we have now is something that will never last
“It’s better to have loved than to have never loved at all”
Can’t let go of the past cause I feel like we could still have it all
We had the craziest of romances
We’ve given each other about 20 second chances
Each time we grew a little colder but I kept trying to reenact those days where I’d fall asleep on your shoulder
I finally realized it’ll never be the same and you’re not the only one whose to blame
You left me alone cold in the rain and I couldn’t find it in my heart to forgive you or let go of the pain.
I never stoped loving you and I probably never will and I apologize if my insecurities have taken away from our happiness and thrills
I’m sorry I never listened and tried moving on
I still want to share your last name with you and our son.

Maybe I’m naive
Or maybe all the things I wish for can be achieved
The hate I have for you is shifty, I could never hate you completely
There are times when I get crazy but five minutes into it I get lazy
I don’t have the energy to keep the ******* up, you might see it as half empty but I see a half full cup.
In all honesty the drama makes me choke and at the end of the night I hope we can laugh it off like a joke.
Some would say I’m too forgiving yet unrelenting.
I have a soft heart but please don’t let me start.
I don’t like myself when I’m angry, there’s so much more love can free
Anger puts you in a cage, nothing drags you down more than rage
Love let’s you breathe, pushes you to be the best you can be.
When I look at you I see passed the mean charade,  and see you for what you are.
The man I fell in love with, the sweet gentle lover. You haven’t been that man for so long now, he seems like a myth.
You have so much hateful **** to say, I wish I could just shut you up when I tell you it’ll be okay

I’ve loved your *** since the 11th grade. There were a few years when we went our separate ways, in due time we both knew we should of stayed.. Our lives were in ******* shambles.. Each passing day I would gamble, I’d hope, I’d pray.. Maybe I’ll see him this time, *** would I even say?? Hey love, I’ve missed you... Still remember the day when I first kissed you.
I remember 9/11 was a day of much conflict and disarray
But in Reseda, California, we put the egos, pride and ******* at bay..
Shared our dreams, we talked about life, what it’s like without each other and what it all means.. there’s a fine line between love and hate. there’s no madness without love. I don’t really believe in fate. When it comes to matters of the heart there ain’t much you can say
It’s ok, I wouldn’t have it any other way.. cause you’re my man crush everyday

Ive never felt to ******* beautiful
Shedding the dead weight and everything that's not very useful
Words Ive been craving to hear
sharing ideas, ideals with intentions that are clear
My only hope is that none of this will start to disappear
& and my only disadvantage was you saw right through me
Reading the signals like they're poetry
You see past the charade I use to hide pain and fallacies
Helping me pick up the broken pieces
Barking up my tree even though its leafless
Telling me Ive got to grow
theres more to me that i should start to show
you cant stand seeing me at a level so low
im faster to let my blood boil and square up to go toe to toe
for you, I soften up
beginning to see I don't have a half empty cup
its half full now that you've come into my life
is it too soon to start talking about how i want to be your wife?

Eventually he just faded away
Like the bruises he left me

Nothing seems to add up
When everything is laid out on a spread sheet

He says the words, I love you
Everything feels like a run-through

Next thing he tells me is to *******
The sudden drop of his ***** made me chaff

Find somebody to worship me he said
Go build yourself and find a place
to break bread.

I could yell and I could scream
But my time is far to valuable to be wasted on somebody so mean.

Written by Diana Garcia**
Sweet words went in one ear and out the other. My poor unfortunate lover.
How could he know his embraces were not like yours.
How could he know that my heart became so coarse.
Lonlieness came, my void deepened.
My love for you resurfaced but the envy awakened.
I stood by, hoping, wishing for a glance in my direction.
Little did I know, you and her were just a miserable misconception.
My heart raced, I thought maybe I'll faint when our eyes met and your eyes glistened
We clearly are not through
This whole time, it was always you.

I cant seem to sleep through the night
without feeling like nothing is alright
I dont know whats wrong with me
ive got a million thoughts running all at once
i wish i could just scream
constantly torn between wanting to be a lady
but everything i do just seems to make me look crazy
maybe there is something wrong me
a chemical imbalance, i just want to make it out to saftey
what if i cant save me from myself
not that i dont want to ask for help
every where i turn my mental state just repels
i want to be okay
it effects all my relationships so most leave me at bay
i dont want to scare anyone away
all i want is for someone to stay
i guess misery really does love company
nobody seems to mind when i share love drunkenly
i wish i was always easy going
but my crazy side just keeps on showing..

Letting go of you means
letting go of so much more
you don't understand.
Don't expect me to change on demand.
This is by far my
biggest emotional release.
It wont be anything like taking off a fleece.
I feel it unwinding,
each memory rewinding.
Old times that cant help remindin'
how hard it is at findin'
real love.
At one point I thought
you were from
above,
but then I realized
you fell
& you were supposed
to fall to
hell.
You rung my bell,
now I've got this story to tell.
You're another demon to fight.
while the rest
keep me up at night.

First day we ever met I gave you a pep talk.
I sat across from you telling you you’ve got to get off your *** and break through that mental block.
Since then I always knew you had potential but so does every joe and sally. It doesn’t make you all that special.
I should of known that loving you for who you could be isn’t the same as actually being all those things that I see.
I looked at you and saw a man with a vision, who was woke but in reality you were just another lame pothead who was broke.
I wasn’t exactly all that either, was just another run away with cabin fever.
Angry at world and disappointed in my brothers for beating my *** and grew up feeling like everyone owed me something which explains the sass.
Here we are ten years later and you’re father.
I thought our son would make you step up but i don’t know why I even bothered.
You’re making a couple bucks above the minimum wage and here I am making an actual change.
I know I shouldn’t compare but I can’t help but wonder why I still care.
We’ve all got our obstacles to get through. I guess I’m just disappointed in all the growing it seems you’ll never do.

Thinking about a past lover
isn’t exactly the healthiest outlet
But it makes getting over you
a lot easier, I’ve got to admit.
I saw myself in you
I guess we’re more alike
than I ever knew.
World class pieces of ****,
Who don’t know when to shut the
**** up or quit.
I’m done recycling my hate.
I’m done with my Freudian fate.
I need to rise from these ashes.
Can’t set myself up for any back lashes.
I’ve never felt more self aware,
now all I gotta do is get up and out of here.
I think I’ve discovered my worse fears.
Mamas boys, becoming my mother.
No longer scared of getting beat on by my brothers.
All I gotta do know is stop thinking about my past lover.
Mind my business
Maybe go for a ride on my flying nimbus
I’d bring you along but your heart isn’t pure
Don’t come running back to me like I’m the cure
I’m sorry but your going to have to work it out on your own..
I’ve got my own demons to silence in this egg shaped dome.

Being the better man,
a good father are all
things I could understand.
Your spark is showing
but before I get going
I can’t go on without you knowing
how sorry I am.
It was me who acted terribly
At least for a time
you were here with me,
somewhat happy.
All the times we spent laughing.
All the Pokémon we started catching.
The way you’d rest your head on my lap.
Even now I can’t understand how you dealt with my crap.
The way you watched me walk away after the show wish I would of known.
how much id hate myself for it.
Now that I’ve finally grown
all I want to do is apologize.
I know I certainly took my time to realize.
Now I have to try my best not to jeopardize
all the good you have and everything you’ve earned.
I’ve got to realize I’ve already had my turn.
At least now I know how much regret burns.

The poets hour
Where thoughts reoccur
When sins are committed
Memories run wild
Regrets break your smile..
When wanting feels like needing
And all the broken hearts are bleeding.

You in the mirror stand up straight
Stand tall, don’t ******* cower
You have the ability to devour
Turn that rage that’s kept you in a cage into drive, there’s more to life than having to survive.
There’s that awkward moment between birth and death..
You can be a mess
You can the best
What matters is that you breathe
Till that last breath
Remember to sing when that light above starts gleaming
Remember to embrace love when it feels like you’re dreaming
Remember each bygone sings a different song
It’s not about who has what, the bad or the wrongs..
You can rub the Buddha’s belly and wish for good fortune
Or get all mad and jelly cause you didn’t get the same portion.
You can **** god and pull on the breaks
Or you can shut the **** up and join the ranks
Hear no, say no, see no, be no ******* evil
Build up and grow, best of luck
Pain and suffering, let it all go..
The more you feed the ******* that makes you bleed..
the less likely you’ll be freed
Come by and sit with me
Bring a friend or two or three
see the change you want to be
Let’s eat some ******* cheese
**** together im harmony