Music that makes you cry
And a love that makes you want to die
A beat that makes you scream
And someone with whom to scheme

A world that never ends
The impossibility of making amends
A colonization you can not escape
The place that will never take shape

Taking over my mind...

To understand my mind you must go mad
you must hear the voices in my mind
telling me no, you can't, they hate you
you must remind yourself daily that nothing will ever go your way, you are worthless, you will never live up to expectations.
you must know that you are nothing.
you must be constantly worried, anxiety like no other.
you must be constantly sad, depressed.
you must remind your self to keep living.
you must force yourself
you must try.
you must
*I must

I crave emotion like I crave pizza
But I can't have it
I can't let myself devour every ounce of love that comes my way
I can't become dependent on the infamous L word that has broken me
I'm emotionally anorexic,
But sometimes I'm bulimic
Sometimes I'll hunt down my prey, and **** them dry of their love
I'll crave it until I'm stuffed full, and then I'll purge it out
I'll tell them I hate them,
I'll tell them to leave forever
I'll push them away until I'm broken and sad and alone
And anorexic again
Until I'm back where I belong, in the corner of my room
Crying, sobbing, craving affection, but not letting myself have it
Because I don't want to be fat with lust
I can't gain a single pound because if I do
I'll be weak.

Before me lies a mass of shapeless days,
Unseparated atoms, and I must
Sort them apart and live them. Sifted dust
Covers the formless heap. Reprieves, delays,
There are none, ever. As a monk who prays
The sliding beads asunder, so I ******
Each tasteless particle aside, and just
Begin again the task which never stays.
And I have known a glory of great suns,
When days flashed by, pulsing with joy and fire!
Drunk bubbled wine in goblets of desire,
And felt the whipped blood laughing as it runs!
Spilt is that liquor, my too hasty hand
Threw down the cup, and did not understand.