I am all alone
In a place full of fear
Hold me close I need you dear
I'm fading
I'm falling
Into an abyss
I'm dying
I'm crying all alone in darkness
Is my soul pure
Will I make it to paradise
Or will I feel nothing
Frozen as ice
I repent for my sins
Darling I'm scared
I don't want to take my last breath of air
Especially
When no one is there

I start my day to the early Sun
Shining, smiling, warm-hearted sun
Then the anxiety crawls through my skin
Clawing, calling, peel off dead skin
Depression calls just like an old friend
Crying, sighing, where are my friends
Uncertainty for future begins to set in
Worrying, watching, where to begin
All I need is a singular cut
Slicing, scarring, ruin my streak for what
Clean for two years don't want it to end
Denying, no crying, it will not end
Addiction calls, I turned him away
Leave me, feed me, you will go away
The abuse of a child is still hurting me
10 years, 20 years, God let it cease
Fighting of parents, I fall to my knees
Implore, explore, I need help please
Finally self-doubt is killing me
Hurt yourself, **** yourself, the words haunt me
Impending divorce blame lays on me
Guilty, hurting, no one else blames me
I'm not good enough, I'm not smart in school
Fear, hear, failing in school
My mirror reflection, an ugly sight to see
Mocking, taunting, all genders appalled by me
A small set of words are used to describe me
Fat, ugly, daily vocabulary
So I crawl into bed to see another day
Breathing, sleeping, with morning comes a new say

Broken heart without a sound
Broken mind I can't rebound
Slithering, molten, smoking pain
In my chest and in my brain
My disease is killing me
Not literally of course
but it might as well be
Slide cold metal against warm skin
Vital essence bleeds in sin
Hide my sorrow, hide my pain
No one cares about what I'm saying
Bleed myself ragged and dry
Feeling weak as I start to cry
Stupid ****, that's what dad said
Had to drink before he went to bed
Mom is there but mom don't see
That life itself is killing me
Dad doesn't remember anything
So I am left with my knees shaking
Come up with a plan, throw it away
Lose my nerve, face another day
Tomorrow I feel exactly the same
Don't know how to numb the pain
No one loves me no one cares
No one will help me face my fears
I am destined to be alone
Punishment for all my wrongs
It's my fault that I got hit
I pushed dad too far in a fit
So push love away with a 10 yard stick
It's all my fault that he got sick
Every man deserves more than me
The rancid, useless junk I see
I'm so fat I'm so deranged
I don't even know what I'm saying
End it all just seems so easy
Ending the pain is easy peasy
Mental recovery takes decades
A quick bullet won't even take a day
A deep slice here and a noose hanged there
So many options to make it better
***** it all I say goodnight
Time for me to turn off the light

"Come on Rosie let's go to town." Rosie smiled instead of a frown. Finally she can leave that giant white house, she's tried of being an indoor mouse. The nanny smiles and gives her a kiss, lets her know that she will be missed. Mama gently grabs her hand, Rosie wants to explore that outside land. Watching through windows as life rolls on, too young to be someone until life rolls on.
  The summer air hits her face, the cool breeze makes the trees wave. Summer flowers are strong and in bloom, she wants to go to the park soon. "Mama mama can we go?" Anything for her angel she shows. Skip down the sidewalk not a worry in mind, life is beautiful Rosie will find.
   Into the park mama lets her play. If she could she would stay all day. Climb the tree and play in the dirt. Not much to do but she makes it work. A wall of trees hold her back,  just like the rules, she silently laughs. Look back to see mama's not watching, sneak into the woods at the rivers crossing.
  The feeling of excitement rushed through her body, time to explore, time to be naughty. She sees pretty birds and little creatures, the fascination excites her. New emotions fire up like a lighter. Then she feels something touch her head, stops in her tracks with feet like lead.
   Look up to see a man hanging there. Feet dangling in the air. Catches her breath, she can't scream, look into his eyes and see the pain. A fresh noose around his neck, body torn, body limp. Rosie screams with her held air, she doesn't understand why, she knows that shes scared.
   Mama covers her eyes, mama grabs her away. Rosie hears of a lynching that day. What does it mean, she doesn't know. Years go by before she knows. It's not fair what they did to him, her family doesn't care that there are more like him. Rosalie cries for the lost man.
And this is where summer ends