you told me you were *******.... you said it like I meant so much to you, but I did know the truth, I know you probably say that to everyone, I was just the girl who was there that night, wrong place wrong time sort of thing.
you kept saying everything I wanted to hear, or everything you thought I wanted to hear.... but you were wrong, you were wrong when you said sorry about how I'm not with that guy anymore, when you held my hand or got me water, I was drunk, it was an opportunity that was to easy for you, you were wrong when you laughed and called me perfect, everything was so wrong....
those lies that leaked through your teeth were toxic to my bloodstream, I had heard them a million times
so you say your *******, that I'm different but I know it's a lie don't say your the one ******* when I feel like I'm gonna die.

I know my memories not the greatest, but I would have sworn you made me a promise....
it was in the beginning of August
you told me you loved me, you'd never forsake me
the vows made in the moonlight, now they break me
don't you remember?
weren't you there too?
maybe it's my imagination thinking you had loved me
but you hands were all over me
the passenger seat?
the Sunday's?
your parent's back yard?
all of our secrets thrown around
didn't you mean it?
or maybe I dreamed it....

I was the one who showed you this place
it was only last summer
I remember your green shirt
how your mom was so excited
I texted you at noon, it was now sunset
we had sent so many messages, I knew we had to meet
the sky was pink and orange
you looked so perfect in this light
this was my first date
you ate the blueberry frozen yogurt, it was my favourite
the sun started setting
darkness was coming.
there were so many more dates
the one where you kissed me
told me I was perfect
but the august I think hated us
because everything started falling apart
there were no more late night drives
just lots of tears
and forgotten 'I love yous'
it was September second
and I really wished I never met you.
I wished we never got frozen yogurt

Some nights seemed to last forever
Stretched out for far to many hours
Time had seemed dissipated into thin air
You kissed me on the forehead and held me for awhile
I was wearily from my travel
But you told me not to worry I’m safe for a little while….
The storm was raging on outside that door
It was so hard to ignore
Such sweet words were whispered in the now stale air, your smile gleamed from ear to ear
You told me don’t look out the window, nothing good to be seen there
I wondered what I did to deserve this, I hadn’t felt a loved one in far to long but you ran your fingers through my hair no questions about my sin.
‘Now’s not the time’
You held me for awhile saying I was home.

the poem had started with that lump in my throat, so small at first but it grew and I thought it would stop eventually but the more I thought the more I gave it power and it was horrible.
it was a homesickness that crawled under my skin, screaming to escape....
like some sort of lovesick sailor alone at sea begging for someone to hear him but the only thing there was was the lonesome breeze
It's so hard to explain why it started but I know it had something to do with you....
the words were building up and up and up until I couldn't breathe I felt intoxicated, everything was fuzzy, getting dizzy
that little lump that started in my throat was now killing me
it was all because of our ending
such a lack of commitment and it broke my heart
there was no voice to scream anymore just the hallowed out lungs of someone who was forced to forget how to breathe

I've started looking at your location less....
and I mean that's nothing amazing but it's something
it's something that I've taken out of my routine, something I'm not thinking about as much which means your a little less on my mind
still not by much.... but it's enough.
It's almost been a month and I have slowly stopped comparing the days to the last time I saw you or to where we made all those memories I stupidly thought would last forever, I guess that's something else
my standards of 'okay' are not very high which is such a shame because I could really go for the feeling of being whole again
it's just a fond memory that has disappeared into the dark night
or from the moment you left me.
god, I don't think I'll ever forget, your voice, your hands, your smile, the way you'd talk about everything you loved.... I just thought I was one of them.
I should stop writing about you I really should but it's the one thing you didn't take from me, actually you did the opposite, I drown in my words now, they bleed from me.... maybe that's why I feel so empty?
either way it's like a choke hold on me, forcing me to bring up something about you, I am drowning in your memory which is bleeding from my hands uncontrollably.
I just wonder if you think of me?

I should have seen this all coming....
the 3am crying and silent screaming, I knew it was coming, I knew from that moment you left me standing out in the rain on that horrible august day
I stupidly forgot what it felt like to be lonely, to be so alive at midnight or 2 in the morning, having no one to care about
funny how you used to be my best friend, not a single secret on my part, I was committed with my whole heart but you started getting strange.
our love died slow and strange cause it was only last week you were saying I held your heart, what happened to that flame?
it was washing away and there was nothing I could do but sit there and beg, it all ended the same even with me screaming for you to hear, now I question why did I even cared?
our love suffocated in this air and now I'm stranded with the echoes of your lies at the horrible hour of midnight.