it's funny
it's funny how no one heard my voice shake
or when I looked down to the ground once I found nothing to say
but that was a lot because words didn't come easily to me
it's funny because I once was the life of the party
I really don't know what happened, it's hard to remember
but everything was different in a snap of your fingers
I see everyone in love it makes me want to cry
you used to look at me that way....
it's funny because I guess thinking about it now I kind of loved you
but now I'm sitting here without you
it's funny, before we would talk till midnight you'd tell me everything you've ever wanted to do
you promised I'd be a part of it too....
I still think about you mostly because I thought we were something special
It's funny now sitting here missing you wishing I was kissing you
realizing it's not funny at all.....

I don't wish bad on you, or at least I don't try to
but you make it really hard....
I would have given you anything, would have drove across the universe if it meant to help you in any way
I knew you were struggling, I was not blind, could see it in the corner of your lonesome eyes
it didn't matter though, you still used me for a little while then said you weren't good enough, so left me on the door step, it was a cold night in November
I cried myself to sleep, hoping to see your headlights retreat
do you know how hard I try to not hate you?
to pretend you never happened, as a memory rolls down my cheek?
I would have given you the world only if you asked me
I loved you, and you left me, then I saw you post that story how nobody would care about you and your so lonely
so I try, and I beg myself too but I hate you....
I hate you and I hate you because I love you

I'm trying so hard to not think about you
when I'm at that party and nobody knows me because they only knew me with you, I try
I try when it's getting dark and you would be on your way to go watch the stars.
I know it sounds stupid and like every girl with a broken heart
but I miss you, I miss knowing you, I miss hearing about your day and simply having someone to talk to
I try in the morning to forget how we spent last night
how everything you did was genuine
it hurts a little extra when all my friends go away and you not here to fill my day
or when you post such a sad video....
you haven't blocked me on instagram like you did my number
I know where not friends but I miss holding your hand
I try, try to not think about how you weren't happy as I was here with a smile on my face
but everything reminds me and I'm found thinking of you constantly
I try but then I just fall down a rabbit hole....

I told him not to fall in love with me, because I will never be committed like I should be
my broken mind just won't let me
I will never love you like you love me no matter how cruel it seems
that one night alone in your house everything in me screamed
I need to be free
after him everything changed, even to the way I breathe
I remember everything to the way he held me to his whispered speech
I wished I could say its not you it's me, but it is you because your not him....
I'm sorry, I will apologize but I will never settle and be someone I can't be, you deserve so much more then that and me

There were 16 cars on your wall....
I know because I counted them all
they were wrapped in blue probably brand new
over and over in my head my eyes never wondered
your ceiling was white with a fine line crack that spread to the other side
you kissed my cheek and fell asleep
I held you in my arms, wishing it wasn't you
god, how cruel
I was not thinking about you it was him, it was always him....
but you loved me and I didn't love you
the craving just wasn't there
even in all the late nights you held me dear
there were 16 cars on your wall, I counted in despair
but I didn't know what else to do
16 cars and a broken person pretending to love you.

you told me you were *******.... you said it like I meant so much to you, but I did know the truth, I know you probably say that to everyone, I was just the girl who was there that night, wrong place wrong time sort of thing.
you kept saying everything I wanted to hear, or everything you thought I wanted to hear.... but you were wrong, you were wrong when you said sorry about how I'm not with that guy anymore, when you held my hand or got me water, I was drunk, it was an opportunity that was to easy for you, you were wrong when you laughed and called me perfect, everything was so wrong....
those lies that leaked through your teeth were toxic to my bloodstream, I had heard them a million times
so you say your *******, that I'm different but I know it's a lie don't say your the one ******* when I feel like I'm gonna die.

I know my memories not the greatest, but I would have sworn you made me a promise....
it was in the beginning of August
you told me you loved me, you'd never forsake me
the vows made in the moonlight, now they break me
don't you remember?
weren't you there too?
maybe it's my imagination thinking you had loved me
but you hands were all over me
the passenger seat?
the Sunday's?
your parent's back yard?
all of our secrets thrown around
didn't you mean it?
or maybe I dreamed it....