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Fah Jan 2016
When the waves have washed me here,
I'd be a fool to look another way,

sturdy sturdy , doesn't it feel strange.
They say it's chaos out here at the moment.

I've dug these roots and cultivated their tender tendrils.
this is my song
this is my voice
I know this now.

For the love of myself,
Is the focal point now,

spin - turn - it's not yet happened
confusion
confusion
states of misunderstanding
foraging in the silence for our understanding
for the decisions that would make things easier
but I'm turning over now
rolling with this wave
a fool I may be but an anchor I do have

and i've come to be -
sitting
serene meditational gaze
life is unraveling in the way life kows best-
my heart bumps
stumbling occasionally.
  Jan 2016 Fah
Olga Valerevna
We're not as much apart as we are broken to the core
The blood upon my hands is somehow covered up in yours
And if I turn to water you will never want to drink
Then let me be forsaken by the thoughts in which I sink
I told you all my secrets both in person and in soul
But I can't be responsible for where you long to go
It's only in the stillness that I conjure up the words  
To tell you that I loved you in a way I wasn't sure
I've asked the time to grant us more than we could ever bear
So I would have a chance to make it up to you, I swear
The past cannot be changed and so the future goes astray
but I don't want to tempt you to just walk the other way
For I can bathe in showers that are hotter than you make
But if you fall asleep then I'm the only one awake
What am I to you?
  Oct 2015 Fah
Brycical
While I myself do live myself simply,
I am not simply living for myself.




Living is my most ambitious art-piece to date;
to be the author of my life's story
takes a tedious amount of charging
buffalo stamina & alligator patience.
I'm making sure you've not heard a story like mine
because
countless friends, family, misfits and strangers
have lost the passion for their stories,  
instead turning over
their heartbeat
blood spilled pens
& mind jazz
slamdance typewriters

to some schmuck to write their story
in a vacuumed & pristine chronologically ordered
paint-by-numbers cookie-cutter drivel.  


I live
because
my mother ended
the chapter of her burgeoning artistic career prematurely
thanks to her parents telling her
what can you do with art therapy?

I live
because
there's something about that jazz,
& a candlelight bath.

I live
because
far as I know, my father is learning
lasting relationships of which his charming self
struggled to maintain with an in-absentia momma
that moved around to a new school each year
and father who vamoosed shortly after birth.

I live
because
when the mouth of my love
splits into a smile, her eyes
flash pink lemonade and rosemary bebop
in a way which synchronizes to my heartbeat.

I live
because
clouds, especially at dawn,
soothe and dissolve any anxieties
of the day or weeks or months or whatever.

I live
because
I didn't know the smell of cypress,
let alone cassia or frankincense
until I arrived in Toronto which has me curious
as to what other scents I have yet to experience.

I live
because
I'm not yet finished
laughing.

I live
because
words won't stop wafting and wading
around my being until I swallow then sing
their messages aloud,
on paper,  
on a park bench,
in someone's eyes.

I live
because
I live.

I live because,
I live.
Fah Sep 2015
For a moment a river,
just a moment a river,
rushing past, just a moment,
a river.

For a moment, just a moment
caressing curves on those river bed rocks
for a moment, just a moment a molecule of water in the sky
for a moment, just a moment,
a river
for a moment just a moment
rushing on by.

Now is the moment, just a moment, river-like,
for a moment, just a moment I am that river.

For a moment, just a moment
I remember what time is
for a moment, just a moment
non-linier.

For a moment just a moment
a riverbed rock,
for a moment, just a moment
an ancient stone,
a moment just a moment,
this is who I am
forever and never
some time ago.
healed by the riverbed rocks, i hear this drumbeat song
  Sep 2015 Fah
Olga Valerevna
Never mind the brokenness in which we fell apart
All of what you are to me, transcend my sorry heart
I'm laughing with the winter wind and moving in its cold
And everything is beautiful, a story being told
And whether there be listeners or even passers by
Let it be our seasons people see inside the sky
I have always been the way you thought that I would be
A little bit of flesh and blood but mostly in between
Forever is a process we're repeating every day
To seek you when the morning come and love you all the way
to love you from afar
Fah Aug 2015
Forensics couldn't figure out what happened to our bodies because they never looked closely enough into their own eyes.

When we walked out across those wild flower grass plains,
moving
our bare feet meandering , twirling, toes earthy, past the goddess river, bowing our eyes and laying sweet blessings of hopeful poetry at her edges with the mountains ahead of us going on and on and on.

Our heartbeats sinking into the smell of summers afternoons.
We
two beings
stand and watch as the water shows us the way across
her gentle back cool and singing.

We keep on laughing to the forests edge and settle by the Elder Trees to pray for the way ahead and the way already gone, we pray to the sentinel trees for their gracious beauty and we leave a small offering of a song.  

We
two beings

I'm all over Hummingbird
She's all over Dragonfly

Listen to the forest for the sign we can move on,

We
two beings

listen with our eyes and our hearts, ears and noses.
We wait, long moments sensing,
attuning ourselves to the rich forest song.
Later, we see the flash of Owl sister and know it is time to move along

in silence, we listen as we walk and let the sounds we hear guide us.

She's all over Wolf Teacher
I'm all over Lynx Secret Keeper

We're both keeping time alive with our actions.

Way in deep, where the floor is soft decomposition-in-motion and the sky is hardly seen, little tickling breezes stir us, we walk along in silence, side by side, always listening

until our feet meet the edge of a clearing and we whisper our offering:
the story of who we are, why we are here, how beautiful this place is and how it came to be that,

I'm all over Calendula
She's all over Nettle.

Here the sun lays upon us once more and we sit , facing each other

We breathe ourselves into mediation.
We breathe ourselves into silence.
We look at each other
past our skins and through to the light emanating from our DNA

and we start to hum.

We hum our spirit song and begin to unravel so slowly the ways of this world,

we begin to unravel so gently the bags we carry under our eyes
over our knees

we begin to unravel so softly the song of our hearts.

Flowing through us a motion so suspending we seem to no longer be singing, but the sounds somehow pour out of us
our bodies start to sway, no judgment, our bodies start to relax, no suffering

perhaps her toe taps and my ear wiggles
perhaps it's her nose jiggling
perhaps it's my elbow nodding.

We two beings
pray to each other sweet words of beauty
sweet words of honesty

we let those bodies dance
up on our feet
twirling and leaping around the green grass, wildflower clearing
until we feel a twang of connection,

like curious little deer we follow that cord in our chests , pulling us towards each other.

She's on the other side of the clearing and as we make small steps , I feel the boundaries of her person. Her energetic walls , I feel her enter into mine. And we stop, acknowledge the space we are entering and ask for permission to move on. We move on

layer by layer, always stopping to acknowledge, stopping to ask permission until we stand 4 inches between us, breathing.

By now we are no longer thinking, we only sense.
She moves her hand close to my wrist,  I meet her the rest of the way.

All collapses in on itself and opens back up again at our meeting.
She rides her hand up my arm to hold my face so gently.

I bring my other hand to her wrist and she meets me half way. I ride my hand up her arm to hold her face so gently.

I bring my hand to her waist and she leans in softly, she leans in softly.

She brings her hand to my waist and I lean in softly, I lean in slowly.

We move like this, unwrapping each other of clothes, breathing ourselves in meditation, going as slowly, gently as we possibly can.

When we are in our natural way, we wait a moment to take in the beauty, we **** our heads and as our words no longer matter we both know we hear a sounding stream.

We beings
perplexed and amused, find ourselves next to a small rocky stream, somewhere else in the forest. Dappled light finds it's way onto us , the trees and the water. Everything is orange and brown, mossy green with occasional pinks and purples.

She smiles and I smile , we make a motion of gratitude to our Great Water Mother and ask to wash.
When a small fish appears and jumps glistening
we move to scoop up running water in hands, pouring it over each others crowns. Again and again we scoop and we pour, we wash our walking sweat and clear ourselves.

Soon, the stream starts to fade and we are now on flat topped knoll, looking out over shallow banks of a wide flowing river.

The knoll is about the size of a large bed , wintergreen rustles beneath our feet.

We sit together and she brings her face close to mine, I bring my face close to hers and we look into each others eyes until we see.

I bring my lips close to her cheek, she brings her cheek close to my lips. And so we find ourselves tasting each other.
Slowly,
gently,
softly her lips come to my ears and her tongue moves on my lobe. My mouth to her nape and my breath is coming slow. We take as much time as we possibly can.

The Sun has not moved from the afternoon position. We are no longer in a place where time is quite the same.

Soon, I lay on the ground and she comes down beside me. Our dancing hands and tongues never in a rush, at a pace like the tide with movements, repetitive definitive and measured. Washing over our earthen valleys and hills, dipping low to our canyons, serenading our ravines. But never quite touching those extra sacred pleasure places.
She lays on her back and I sit beside her.

I kiss her chest and give thanks to her skin, her blood to milk trees and the crystal caves that lay within. I kiss her belly button and thank her mother for carrying her all this way. Her father for holding her. I move down to her womb and she makes a space for me between her legs, I lay there with my head on her belly listening.

I hear the beating blood and gurgling belly, breath staying slow, I hold her hips. and kiss her womb from the outside. I kiss her womb from the outside. I find I am at the edge of a small curly forest, I pray gently with a song at the borderline and kiss her there too. She tenses just a little and a pause, look to her eyes and see she does not want me further.

I slip out from her legs and lay down by her side.
The wide river is moving and the wintergreen is serenading us with her smell as our bodies movements bruise the small leaves. The sun has moved a little further across the sky, shadows are pulling longer now.

She puts her head to my chest and listens to the heart just below skin , bone and muscle.
She hears my breath and is riding up and down with my diaphragm movements. She slows me down until we are both inside the space between heartbeats. Encompassed in those melodies. We breathe again and see each others eyes. She kisses my heart from the outside and caresses my chest. I open my legs offering her space between them. She moves, lingering, one hand first on my face then on my heart, then on my solar plexus. Then her body is softly laying on mine, her head on my stomach. Listening. She laughs a little because the spaces inside of her don't exist inside of me, she says my secret caves are up in my heart, she heard them. She smiles and sighs a little, resting at the edges of my forest.
We beings
lay here, like this for a long time. Until the Sun is way low.
But we don't move. We just keep right on laying. Our eyes closing.

The wintergreen gives way to a bed of Jasmine vines way up in a tree. When we awake we look at each other and recognize our spirits.
She climbs onto the limb of a tree and sees  way across the forest, to more forest and more forest, to mountains and more mountains.
She begins to transform, her body rippling, scales made of light, emerging from her back, her eyes glistening, her dreams swirling around her, fruits ripe for the picking, some still maturing , her legs start to dance as they form one long tail, four legs with claws follow not long after. She is glowing a vibrant green touched with sparks of grey. A Naga flies out from the trees and is off. Into the night to do what she does.

I lay on the Jasmine, inhale sweet sweet scents and dream my own dreams where I'm an Owl , all my feathers pale pink and deep navy blue. I leap up through the canopy and sweep down into the forest to do what I do.  

Our spirits meet sometime before the Great Grandpa Sun is born again, to greet him with a song, to keep on exploring these earth bodies, to keep on singing to the forests, to keep on smelling and eating and drinking and washing, finding others to play with, to keep on thanking and laughing and moving time along with our movements.

The forensics sent into the forest to look for us didn't find diddlysquat because they hadn't looked deep enough into their own eyes.
releasing this now, letting it become some ingredient someplace else, whatever I was holding out or on to,.
It's been a while since I wrote a story.
Neither beings in this poem are anyone in particular, but it is powered by these past months And doors closing.
  Jul 2015 Fah
Olga Valerevna
Remember disappearing, feeling smaller than I should
Suppressed my good intentions in the dark because I could
And when I looked inside at all the emptiness I kept
I fell apart completely, watched my being as it wept
But somewhere in the nothingness my face had reappeared
Began to change the present to a past I once revered
With all of my distractions having walked the other way
I opened up my heavy eyes to greet another day
I'm here to be a part of everything that can be seen
But that is only half of what the morning is to me
Wherever there is vision there is also something more
An eye around the sun you couldn't possibly ignore
what you do not see can be seen
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