I am not here I've lost my mind.
Somewhere in the realms of time.
With vacant eyes and empty soul,
I survive on bread alone.
Drowning in my calls for help
Choking on a stuttered yelp
I reach my hand out to be saved.
Praying my faith won't be in vain.

I love you
and my heart beats fast
but it stops and drops
when you don't love me back

The blasphemy
That overtakes my
Thoughts
Was put there by
Demons and
Kept there by
Saints in order
To destroy me slowly.
Demons upon demons
Have entered and left
Without a trace
Leaving negativity
Like tumors on my
Brain
Inoperable
Said the Saints
And they left me too
Now I have nothing
Inside of me
Leading me towards
The banks of the
Cloudy river
I have nothing leading
Me towards the bottle of
Sleeping pills on
My dresser
I have nothing to stop me
I have nothing
I have
Me

I’d tell myself it didn’t happen
You’re not positive it happened
What facts do you have?
You have nothing,
I would tell myself.
I never had that perfect first kiss
I never saw losing your virginity as a big deal
But I was always terrified of
The kissing
The touching
The emotions
It was all creepy and always felt forced
I never felt ready
Because the first time I wasn’t ready.

The inconsistency.
It pushes you away
And ***** you right back
The inconsistency is a being
It’s alive as it pulses you closer
Then farther away
And even closer the next.
Intoxicating.
You forget what normalcy and relevance are
You forget the good and begin to hate
The fiery negativity floods your veins
Your thoughts, your emotions, your intentions
Until that hatred is turned on yourself
Deep corners of your soul are tainted
Gasping for air as the being consumes you,
You see the light for a moment
And all that is shown is the good
Beautiful, joyous moments are breathing
Laughing, loving, pulsating again
You relax
and remember what it’s like to love
To be loved.
The fear, the hatred, the awfulness disappears.
You breath
and life comes back.
Momentarily, your tattered soul lightens
The inconsistency is addicting.

Curriculum

1. Physics
a) A body caught in motion
b) Running on a wall
c) Will learn the laws of gravity
d) But only when they fall

2. Chemistry
a) Base elements attraction
b) Bonding for a spell
c) Untouched, the noble beauty with
d) Her perfect outer shell

3. Mathematics
a) Relationships of numbers
b) One and one is one
c) When one and one adds up to two
d) Relationships are done

4. History**
*a) Lifetimes full of memories
b) Secret moments shared
c) To live and love most every day
d) With ne'er a moment spared