I don't want to feel better.
If I could feel better then life would be beautiful.
But I don't deserve beauty,
Or love,
Or glory.
I lost the love of my father,
Watching it crumble away into nothingness,
And pleading "please don't go."

I'd give anything to miss you one last time.
If I could miss you then existing would be painless.
But I deserve pain,
And hate,
And suffering.
I lost the love of my mother,
Watching it melt between my frail fingers,
And screaming "please don't leave."

I don't want to feel better.
If I could feel better then life would have no meaning.
I don't deserve meaning,
Or words,
Or tears.
I lost the love of myself,
Watching it shatter into a million pieces,
And whispering "please, just go."

Dark circles
And white lies,
Everything that I've learned
To despise,
I can't take this thinking
I can't take this feeling
The oxygen I'm breathing
Is Nitrogen that's preening.

I'm suffocating.

Being subjugated.

Blank slate with no opinion,

That's what they're asking of me.
That's what they're expecting of me.
That's what they want me to be.

But I am unfiltered,
I am a storm,
A flurry of emotions,
And an object of scorn.
I'll make you love,
And I'll make you regret,
I'll make you remember,
But never forget.

You can't leave me behind,
I am a memory,
I'm worth more than a day,
I'm worth more than a century.
Break me,
Shatter me,
Try to burn me down.
I'll be your darkness,
But I won't make you frown.

And you can't be rid of me,
Though I've already left,
For I am unfiltered,
With no regrets.

Lollipop girl
Simple, little, sugar cane doll
No one could say you did wrong
But in the bonds of your heart
You know that sugar molds.

Dented and newly used
my heart is set on cruise
Winning
Grinning
Never gonna give up
because I refuse

My heart may be breaking
but it is not the end
Dealer count me back in
I am on the mend
I am on a comeback

I am done being afraid
I am done being saved
Do not need another setback
I am on a comeback

I believe in who I am
I'm better than I have been
I am not down and out
I have only just began

Thank you HP and fellow poets for this great honor!!! Sorry I am so late to the party but my 8 yr old boy hijacked my phone from me.

I just want to put out a little message for everyone who is struggling right now:
You are not worthless. You're not. Even if people are leaving you and you feel alone, you still have friends and family in your life who would care if you disappeared. You may feel like no one would even blink an eye if you were just gone, but you'd be surprised by how big of an impact it can really make. It's like tossing a pebble into a pond. The ripples spread all the way across the surface.
Don't give up on love. Don't give up on friendship. Don't give up on life. There is always hope if you search for it. There is always someone in your life who holds you close to their heart, even if you don't know it.
Keep living, and don't give up now.

Criminal
O Criminal
This deceit you leak reeks
Of sour lemons and urination.

Criminal
O Criminal
This pride you flood smells
Of blueberries and broken dreams

Criminal
O Criminal
These miracles you bring leave a miasma
Of grape Faygo and suffering souls

Criminal
O Criminal
The peace I bring leaves an aroma
Of blue raspberry popsicles and lonely depression