Years ago
We stayed up till
3 am talking,
And today
I don’t even know
How to say hi,

I sip on my green tea
wishing for it to cleanse me.
Wishing for it, to cleanse out the oils and the misery I consume.
Wishing for it to break down my toxins.
Wishing for it ... to cleanse the sections of myself that even I cannot reach.

Green Tea

A substance that supposedly detoxes the belly, but not strong enough to detox the soul

Not strong enough to take away my shadows, my doubt, my ego or my woes.
A drink, not strong enough to hug my spirit at its loneliest hours.
Yet, I sip
.. praying the wet herbs that tickle my tongue shall unlock the gateway, or the path, or the door... to my soul.

So I sip...
And sip...
And sip...

Swallowing it’s brew...and my tears.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

You mouth
I love you
Against my lips
Because you’re too shy
To look me in the eye
And proclaim your feelings
Scared of the emotion
Which is all too foreign
To the likes of someone like you
But that’s where you’re wrong
Because if you just lifted your face from mine
You would see the genuine emotion in my eyes
As I tell you that you are worth loving
As I tell you that you are capable of receiving love
As I tell you that you are loved
Because the fear of rejection
Is the result of chronic insecurity
To love oneself
As they are
Unconditionally

So far and yet so close we seem
to be from the things that make us happy.
At times, our game-winning shot misses.
At times, our lovers leave us to just wishes.
Hurt, pain, and sorrow lays in our end
to a life without love or friend.
These feelings strangle and smother
our peace like the wrath of none other.

Repetition. From repeated reaches to resurgence,
to taking tyrannical triumph, to taking rejoice,
I repeatedly have nothing. Words of
“try again” and “get over it” reverberate in
my mind, rocking my resolve to sleep.
Rupturing results rips, tears through tiers of
my resilience, turning me to tears. They creep
into my dreams, upon my thrills, onto my choices,
inside my hopes, like ants in tents. With cruel intent,
every failure rends me so intense.

But how to respond?
If I show a lack of care by a loss,
“Maybe it wasn’t too serious”.
But if I reply with hurt and sadness,
“maybe you’re just overreacting”.
But only for so long can I just
“make the best out of a bad situation”.
How many times do I need to fail,
in order to succeed?
If I didn’t care so much, then
I wouldn’t hurt so much.
But what is a life lived so unlively?
Why am I wrong to make the most
of what I’m given? To wish, to hope
is seen as good ambition when it’s
a success, but when I fail then I overdid it?

Why do I love to dream
when I can barely sleep?
Under the surface, I wonder,
can I jump out the window?
May I make a leap of faith?

Within a dream, anything is mine.
New heights look divine with no limit,
hope arrives beautiful and I know it.
I’m remiss to sadness, and I’m glad this
will be as bliss as a young man’s first kiss is.
Life tastes of fine wine before I rise and shine.
I dream of a land where I have my last breath;
a place where my fears can suffer a coward’s death.
Gazing from the cliff, fords put their blossoms to bed
as the rivers expand with a hope so strong.
Blue turns red, with no regret, I get ahead
of my wrongs to write them in this song.
In this place, I face no disgrace, show my face,
I lack no faith, go at my own pace, and showcase.
Tables turned and now my dismay is prey
when my dreams turn my tomorrow into today.

Are you loyal to your dreams?
A life lived by its seams,
under the surface,
I strive to just dream.
Trust isn't what it seems
but hope hides the screams,
are you loyal to your dreams?

Dreaming, dreaming, dreaming
makes goals worth chasing.
Love locks lips and lies
in my eyes under the surface.
Daydreaming as soon as day breaks
I escape, I escape, I escape
and I’m not worth chasing.
I can’t hurt under the surface,
but do you know what your worth is?

Dreams can’t abandon me
so they make for the perfect lover.
I don’t want to wake up.
It’s not born from worn scorn,
it’s made from the summer’s embrace.

Are you loyal to your dreams?
A life lived by its seams,
under the surface,
we strive to just dream.
Trust isn't what it seems
but hope hides the screams,
are you loyal to your dreams?

I have to push aside your pride
because you did too much;
I can’t let you slide.
Timid and trying to hush,
I wanted to hide and deny
my despise. But despite the lies,
the spite and highs, you shy
and fly from what’s right.
I just want to go to sleep without crying.
You’re true and right while lying.
I hate what you do, my love for blue is dying.
You’re critter size but you criticize so I’m done buying
your trickery disguised as honesty. Stop trying.