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 Aug 2018 Dawn Bunker
Jacqui
This is not a straightforward illness.
This is a rollercoaster that takes you up and down at random,
and you’re left just hanging on for dear life.
There are days when you are trying so desperately to live and not be numb to the world around you,
but at the same time your mind is consumed with finding a permanent end to it all.
Things you used to love have no meaning anymore,
and nothing seems to quite give you that spark of joy when the fog settles in.
Sleep offers a temporary escape,
but nightmares keep you from finding any peace of mind.
This is a 24/7 illness, it does not take vacations
it waits until you start feeling normal enough to say it’s been a good day before it slams you down and takes you back a few steps.
One of the hardest parts is to regress when you were making progress, but that’s part of this journey - the ups and downs are endless, unpredictable and unstoppable.
My depression might not look like yours, we are all unique in our struggles.
My illness may have gotten the upper hand this time, but it will not win this war. I will keep fighting
Like the elms, I am bleeding
But nothing so sweet as sap
You sit perched on the branch above me
Contemplating your belated Autumn nap

Your eyes harmonize with the brown bark
And I envy you, so simple and blasé
I crave some shelter from your rain
But it's cold, and still drizzling dismay

There's a shadow falling over us
The forest has learned to be a clever thief
The light catches you smirk while I weep
Like a willow without a handkerchief

You hear applause, so take your bough
All while dawn bends and slowly breaks
My lips snap like frozen twigs as I wonder;
How can you slumber while my heart's awake?
(not a poem)
I don't think some people fully comprehend how bad Anxiety can be. Just saying or doing the simplest, stupidest thing could trigger it. And it only takes a second. You can tell me about how great my outfit looks and SNAP, it's there. He can start an argument with me and then apologies right away, but SNAP. It'll be there right away. And it truly *****... You feel like crying, you start shaking, it feels like your lungs are collapsing, you feel faint and nauseous and your heart feels hollow, you can't see anymore - everything is pitch-black even in broad daylight - and you clam up.
 Aug 2018 Dawn Bunker
JL Smith
Hues
 Aug 2018 Dawn Bunker
JL Smith
I've endured the deepest blue:
Shades of midnight,
Presidential and navy, too

Once was prescribed medication
To help see me through,
But learned you can't bottle happiness
So, I chose an alternative view

Transforming pain into power
Biding hurt adieu
I channeled my grief
Into spreading hope, love and laughter
Among dark palettes to brighten its hue

© JL Smith
 Aug 2018 Dawn Bunker
V L Bennett
In the air, floating just next to the window
solidly constructed
as sure as the golden highway
stretching from Frisco across the Bay
looking square
as the acres of boxcars
north on the interstate
on the south side of Chicago,
it's all atoms...

This morning my son postulated to me a so-far unrealized condition
relating to matter transmitters and, probably, hyperspace. "What
would happen, " he asked, "if some guy transported himself inside a big rock?"
Indeed.
Putting on my ears, I considered the situation.  Would the hypothetical solid mass of rock give way, shudder just enough to allow the insertion of a soft, squishy human being?  Or would the spaces in their respective atoms--rock's and human's--intermesh neatly with each other?  Molecular integration?  But such a challenge to the atomic bonds holding the things together might result in a nasty atomic accident. Would that leave a human-shaped void inside the solid rock, a mold exact down to the finest details of skin texture and even eyelashes? Imagine the crystal-filled waters seeping down to find such a hole--Behold!! Geode Man.

Holding my silver pen extended
like a rapier before me,
I dissect the wispy chunks
of smoke. The balance of air
that gave them form
is destroyed.  They are
no more.
 Aug 2018 Dawn Bunker
Atticus
I have done it again
I want to tear at my skin
I want to feel clean again
It coats my skin like dried nightmare induced sweat
yearning, reaching and shimmering
just out of my reach
It is a mirage
A trick on my mind
that sends all rational
out of the gaping, broken window
the shame-inducing sensation
fill my lungs with concrete
a frozen breath
unable to escape
the pain is a sharp distraction
acting as a reminder every time my sleeve brushes against it
I need help
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