Dear God,
forgive me for i have sinned

I have lied, manipulated and disguised.
Loved, liked and hated,
I have bled my sins onto paper
-poured the words out of my soul-
yet somehow,
these thoughts
these problems
these worries
still go unsolved.


I told them I didn't care
'beat me to death if you like!'
'**** me a thousand times over'
I have lost my will to fight

Yet my body is filled with anguish
and pain
and morbid passion
Stuck in this mortal body that I hate
who am i to complain?

I have refused to believe that pain is relative
ten arrows that do not **** a wolf-mother
only one needed to **** her cub, a daughter

When I am that she wolf
why am i
so ungrateful
that I wish to die
and perish from that
one arrow?

Dear God,
forgive me for i have sinned










End Note: If not, just take me away from here. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell anyways.

"And if you are like me you love deeply. You do not give a **** about your own self, because all that matters is if they are okay. "

What if I'm sick of it?
What if I'm sick of the role you have so eloquently written for me?
What can I do if you are obsessed with colouring in the lines while I yearn to draw outside of them?
What if I go off script and say something foolish, dumb -stupid even.

What if I want to let go of it?
Let go of the loneliness that accompanies the burden of being perfect.
What if you realise that the higher you set your expectations for me, the further you will fall.

I am not ready to carry that responsibility.
I am not ready to be perfect.

Your smile is more
Than a craving
Of a sugary quick fix
It’s as essential
To my survival
As water
And food

What would your 7 year old self say if
she saw you politely refusing your
favorite flavor of ice-cream
( Mint-chocolate chip goes best with
warm summer nights)
What would she think if she knew you drank
coffee black?
(You used to tell your mother that
it tasted like gasoline)
You skipped breakfast
(Your dad made pancakes every
Sunday morning)
Ran until your lungs couldn't
take oxygen fast enough
(No one is chasing you anymore)
Counting ever calorie
(You never liked math)
What would she say if she saw you hating yourself?

Because its 2am
                                
                                                and im sitting in my bedroom alone

    thinking of ways to **** myself
                  thinking of reasons to hate myself  

                                                                  while you're sleeping



because I told you I was fine.

Your eyes were like an ocean,
Beautiful but yet so cold.
They brought me happiness,
But made my pain feel bold.

Your touch was all I wanted,
It made me feel so safe
But yet its what broke me
And its stuck as a crave.