She’s got lots to say- So everyday,
seems to fade
I love her
she’s my world
I feel right **** special.
Lovely night
we never fight
this girl is so **** special.
Hips are curved
out of this world
That ain’t even nothing special,
Hair is curled
dress is red,
She ain’t been out much lately.
Imma show
her what it’s like..
to be my lady.
One day soon-
I’m feeling like
My life might not be so hazy
She locked me down  
can’t make a sound
I bet you know the deal
Corona’s iced..Cowboy boots..
...She put that red dress on...
Friday night,
girls are out.
Boys are acting crazy,
I’m at home;
but it’s alright.
That girls right here next to me.

throughout this last year a slow sickness has started taking over, very slow at first, then faster and faster, a sickness that cannot be detected by medical instruments or procedures, a sickness that starts in the mind.
I didn't know what was happening, the persistent feelings of sadness, anger, lack of motivation or love for myself. The constant negative cloud hanging over me, wondering how tomorrow was going to be worse than today, wondering if I would find a better reason for carrying on some other day than I did today and then feeling selfish and horrible for not acknowledging the things and reasons I do have for carrying on. Wonderful family, friends, my son and daughter,
All of these things combined should make any person find the strength to fight on and be more positive about the world, to remember that many people in this world can't say they have the things I do. Deep down I have known this to be true, but another part of me could never be fully satisfied, happy or content. There has always been a part that refuses to surrender to peace of mind and stability, a part that seeks to bring only misery, negativity, isolation, hopelessness and absolute fear..  268 days spent in silence without my kids, all because I wouldn’t subdue to her threats.. the last thing that was said,
“ I’ll snap your little ******* neck “
to my 2 year old daughter..
I reacted and that’s what brought me to the worst experiences I’ve faced in my life,
Now facing ****** abuse charges, physical abuse charges from the woman who had my heart wrapped around her finger for 6 years..
as a pacifist at heart, I’ve never been in a single fight or condoned violence,
I can’t openly socialize with friends, or family because of the constant feeling of being a burden, I’m scared to meet new people, as I didn’t know my ex before we got together.. strangers are dangerous,  I’m stuck in a very tight spot with literally everything weighing over my head including depression, and I can’t see any lights..
My lawyer is a piece of work on his own, I really can’t talk to him anymore as it would seem like he’s against me too at this point,
With 3 separate appearances and nothing discussed, a 4th postponed from early February to late may, I’m left with no visitations and no clue as to when I’ll be able to finally see my children,
I’m literally only comfortable when I’m alone.. I don’t know what to do other than cry..
April 7th... 1 year..

My girlfriend posted a picture last fall, I glared, smiled, she looked like a star, I commented, so beautiful.. my eyes were locked. “Twinkle twinkle” I should’ve thought, I worked real hard and banked the pay, my mind was racing from earlier that day, that photo I seen I can’t turn away.. I notice how I forget what to say. I check the post and my comment is gone.. I’m curious because it didn’t feel wrong?
I guess that’s when we change the song.....
The picture was posted her intentions weren’t focused
I liked the picture she posted that day,
Unfortunately i noticed it wasn’t for me,
That night she glared, didn’t feel right Every word started a fight
I’m not jealous but her phone there it laid, I picked it up and the picture had stayed. Active and full, of comments and love,
I smiled, I read, the comments turned blank,
As I read the comment from him.
blank.

My life is like a tv show,
Only..the best part is the commercial.
There’s bits and pieces for everybody to like,
It’s a family show, with..
Well it’s not a family show; there’s gore and pain, it’s just not at face value.
Mr clean dry eraser for my bad days
To erase them away; no time to stay in these thoughts.

Your lucky; it may not seem like it, I’m bad at expressing myself and I push a bit too hard sometimes but the truth is; I’m as closed off as a lost book buried under years of clutter, I’m a plush toy that’s lost its kid, a beautiful rose, left wintering in the trash because she’s fed up of his nonsense. Beautiful; lost, worthless in my surroundings,
Off in the distance a sparkle so high
There’s Nothing but skies
The dark made it clear For your star
To lead me to wherever you are.
A sense of meaning in a dark place
A euphoria for my eyes to see
A sense a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.
A little piece of you is all I need.

I want to smile;
life’s never been the same
I don’t like the suffering
I can’t stand the pain
The tears in my eyes.
I don’t want to cry,
It’s not like I’m used up.
But beaten and bruised
Life’s never been the same
Since I let you choose.
I just wan’t to smile
I need to feel safe
My life is mixed up;
I’m lost in this place.

24 crazy as **** single and **** love; they try hard; not hard enough clearly. He’s racing in his own way. Fast paced lane for the beautiful, good luck chasing, he’s not perfect but for her he pretends.
These days it’s all a means to an end So Tell me you love me, set my mind at ease, let the truth flow, no struggle to breathe  tell him he’s perfect, show him your peace, love is a battle war is not free ❤️