He wanted to leave his mark on the world..
instead, he left scars on her heart.
He wanted the moon,
but she was the stars.

I have never failed a class
But I have failed at the things that matter.
I have failed at eating
I have failed at sleeping
I have failed at counseling
I have failed at psychiatry
I have failed at friendship, sibling-hood, being a daughter.
I have failed at living well.
I have never failed a class
But I have failed at the things that matter.
However, I have not failed at the thing that matters most.

I'm cold
I'm empty
It feels as though
there's nothing left inside
these broken bones of mine.

How do I begin to explain that I cry when I hear your name if I never want you to feel sorry?
How do I speak of the horrible things I wish had been done to me back when I was at my worst?
I can remember choking on sobs and bleeding on all my pretty white clothes
But I can never remember the way it feels to be loved.
Maybe I never really was loved, though it seemed that way he left and only memories remain.
And I don't miss him but I ******* miss the warmth and comfort he provided when I was at my breaking point.
I don't know how to not feel guilty about wanting to die and maybe it's a good thing because maybe it'll keep me alive
But I cry myself to sleep some nights and I can't remember a time when I felt alright.
And though I feel numb I'll bite my tongue because I don't want you to feel bad,
You can't control your emotions and it's not your fault that I can't remember being anything but sad.

It's nobody's fault.

It's 11:30 PM,
and the steaming hot water
singes my back
as I talk myself out of
throwing my half consumed
bottle of beer
against the
shower wall.
My stomach feels hollow,
my throat feels clogged,
repressed screams,
traveling
from
my
insides
up.

Anger is an emotion
I rarely feel,
but as the hauntingly true song lyrics
blared out of my laptop and
reverberated against the glass door,
I was barely able to contain
the wrath,
tears of vexation slipping down
my cheeks,
dropping to my chin as I
heaved in
a sharp breath.

I'm tired.
Tired of giving.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of having faith.
Tired of loving.
Tired of losing myself.

Are we supposed to give
and never take?
Wait and keep faith?
Love without feeling
loved back?
Let our dreams, needs,
hopes, wishes...
let our souls go off track?

Empathy is my middle name,
but when will someone empathize with
me?
When will I get
what I want;
be provided with
what I need?
When will the love I relinquish
rebound back to me?

I want give and take;
I want reassurance and faith;
the mate to my soul,
the 50 to my 50;

I want you,
your heart,
your faith,
your soul,
your empathy;

I want you
like you have me.

I’m watching everything so closely pass me by in just a blink of an eye
Before I know it a day, a week, a month, a year has gone by
I wish that was a lie

Knowing I’m going to pay the cost
When I have realized what I have lost

I just don’t get why I sit here and wait
I think I’m losing my faith

I can’t find my way
I wish I knew what path to take

I feel so alone and confused
I wish I could do the things I need to do
I just need to push aside my fears to make it through