I feel the labored breath of the world
the unceasing battery
the shards of frigid breath
the dark, pregnant clouds that fill
the pallet of the sky

Gaian forces are besieging our hallowed, hollowed, bastions of culture
the persistent scraping of our walls
the pre-disposed prophecy of sand

life given over to the evergreen
the phoenix must burn
and that is the way

to say I am lost would be to imply that, at one point, I was present.
My presence was ignored from the time I crawled the floors,
feelings inside transformed into sores
boring onto my soul scars.
My father, my guide, idolised in mind.
when eyes open and you find monsters, sponsors of crime
doing time for a dime?

I am lost
rather never found, no guide by my side,
going with the tide, building walls, to keep the feelings back,
that torment my mind.
The forges of feelings foundries  have gone cold, Shut away  
barricaded
with un-shaken walls.
So I wander, in search of myself,
I wonder
if I’ll be found or
if I’m bound for a battery of uncertainatity:

I squander my time
I wander and wind between pillars of despair in my mind
crawling my way through mazes of  “Phases” in my mind
trying my best to find out what it means to be normal.
I hear that storm calling out all the time
thunderclouds battering,
the darkness that rolls on all sides.
My smiles go with the tides

Who is it that deicides that I feel this way?
Who is it that decides the worth of my life?
who is it that decides I should feel this pain,
behave astray or be taken away
from my mum: I was young.
I don’t have the capacity to be okay,
I don’t have the power to end my days
let go of my pain.

why can’t I be like them?
why can’t I think about cars and tv?
why do I think of stars, poetry
or the feel of wet grass beneath my feet?

I have nothing to write
I am Empty inside.
Unsure if I have been robbed by medication or maturation
or perhaps emotional numbness has caused this.

I do not see the seasons change or the flowers bloom and die.
I see dead leaves, polluted skies.
oppressed peoples, blind eyes.

My empathy has been sapped from me by many years of life.
I am reminded constantly that I’m powerless
to aid them in their strife
women, men and children suffering through life
but someone is helping them, probably, and that’s nice.

then life goes on
again and
tomorrow I am told
suffering exists, numbness is bliss. please return to your clockwork life

Yours’s sincerely Head manager Mrs...

I WANT TO LIVE!
I want to die

I WANT TO DIE
I WANT TO LIVE

honestly though; I just want to be okay

I met today the daughter of a diplomat

her face was framed in such a way

that I found it hard to stay my gaze.

a poet who can't write
a dog that won't bite
a hill that can't climb
a clock with no time

an ist with no ism
undead but not risen
an endless schism
of self sedition and indecision

a two headed coin
a completely missed point
a light in the void
a limbless joint

Bo-Peep with no sheep
the shallowest deep
an unsailed sea
of dreamless sleep