Skydiving with no parachute
Thats how I’d describe my depression
Constant anxiety and fear
Freefalling to your own demise
The feeling of pure helplessness
Knowing you are no longer in control

That’s how I feel on a daily basis
Not at the wheel of my own life
Depression escorting me to rock bottom
And trapping me in this loop of fear

Today I bought a gun
To **** the thoughts inside my head

I hate all the things that I love
Things that don’t make any sense
Drugs
Religion
Politics
The list goes on
But out of all these things  
I love you the most

Depression is my home
With locked steel doors
And windowless walls
The lights are always out
And the water is always running
Filling up each room
Drowning everything in sight

One day I hope to leave this home
Before the water gets too high
Evicted from the dark
Brought to the light

Praying I get out  
Burning this home to ashes
Leaving everything inside
Insecurities
Regret
Death
Sorrow
Pain

I'll build a new home
On a mountain top close to the sun
Where rays shine through my bedroom window
And my doors are always open
Where I can bathe in the light of life
Instead of drowning in a room of despair

You make your mistakes
your mistakes don't make you

You can't see depression
Only feel it
Haunting you for a lifetime
Infecting everything that you love
Friends
Family
Significant others
It's a parasite that never stops feeding
Draining you of energy
And evicting your former self
Sustaining life through a new vessel
Barely holding on to the life you once lived

This blade gave me relief
Cutting away all the insecurities
Validating my grief
Blood spilling on the floor
A red pool of emotion
I close my eyes
As the pool turns into an ocean