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It's 2pm and it's pouring outside.
Mother Nature is singing of sorrow.
I am numb, for the most part.
Until that ache in my chest begins.
I've never felt anything like this before.
I can feel my heart being ripped in two.
After so many years we merged together.
So nicely you couldn't even see a seam.
Now we're parting ways and trying to find ourselves.
Trying to distinguish what part goes where and with who.
Trying to leave it how we found it.
Trying to figure out which parts are me and which parts are you.
And I guess I should feel free.
I should feel a weight being lifted.
I should be something...
But I am not.
I am invisible.
Hiding in the shadows.
Watching my life like a television screen.
Covering my eyes at the gory parts.
You won't see me anymore.
That piece is dead.
I'm sad to say, as much as I don't want it to be...this is the end.
And I'll write you one last goodbye one hundred times over.
I'll say I'm really letting go.
That it's easy.
That I'm fine.
But deep down I know I'm not.
if I thought I could keep you and be happy I would...
I did.
Many times.
But at some point you have to accept what is.
And it's not what it was anymore.
We're at our crossroad.
You in one vehicle and myself in the other.
I'm looking at you in the rear view mirror...
And I'm driving to a home I don't know.
 May 2016 Chalsey Wilder
-
Untitled
 May 2016 Chalsey Wilder
-
I'm running out of tears
I'm running out of sighs
I don't want to be afraid anymore
yet I don't wanna fight

Thank you for everything
that's making you say sorry
Thank you for giving me so much to remember, sorry for giving you things you regret

Let's not break our usual chains
just to be jailed into a new one

*My love, liberate
 May 2016 Chalsey Wilder
Laurent
Don't be discouraged
Its hard to take courage
In a world full of rage
Shining through
True beautiful thoughts
Against hearts so darked.
 May 2016 Chalsey Wilder
Tupelo
Soup
 May 2016 Chalsey Wilder
Tupelo
The clouds grew heavy
Their bellies swollen with rain water
They stared at me as I glared back,
My gaze split the sky like a knife
It poured for days.
    
   *  I was a mess,
     I was soaked,
     I was a sponge.*

I tried to ring out all the excess,
All it did was leave me drowning in a puddle
of the parts of myself I no longer needed,
My air tanks ran dry
My body felt heavy
I was sinking for years.
It was hard for me to watch the ones I loved
lowered 6 feet beneath the soil,
It was even harder to look in the mirror
and see a breathing corpse stare back,
My insides were withered like the winter,
All I craved was the heat,
The south was a distant memory,
Fluttered away so many years ago
on a night with the full of the moon and the big of the sky
The sweet song of the willow in the most humble of tunes,
Oh how I have grown now.
Look how these bones have changed.
And
   you
      boast
         how
            you
            won't
         dislike
      death,
   only
dying
 May 2016 Chalsey Wilder
Loveless
Your heart is my heart
In my body so deep
Your soul is my soul
In my heart to keep
Just a verse
Throw the window open
To bring cool air to a room
Which gathered heat
With all the thoughts
Bouncing off the closed walls.

Night. The sky, a bruised purple,
The clouds faint, infra-red.
The trees are cut-out silhouettes
Placed in the foreground of endlessness.
1.a.m. The night is still.

There is the hum of a plane in the distance,
Last train now long past earshot.
Thin blue curtains play at the breeze,
Tickle my shoulder
As I kneel at the ashtray,
The windowsill altar.

Ornaments reveal themselves
In the black gardens below.
The gnome with the broken tambourine
That kicks up in the current,
The wind chime on the Apple Tree;
The bell on the house cat’s neck.

Staring into space all night
But with this view
I do not have to strain my eyes.

Do not linger on the details
That are lost in the shadow.

Always made time for the moon.
The quiet one at parties,
Only came alive at night,
In the company of those who drink wine,
Swallow pills in the morning
To see the day through.

Room scarred with scorch marks,
Stains from drunken falls.
All those endless nights,
Dead bedsheets,
Waiting for the chemicals
To push my head underwater,
To find sleep.

Windowsill vigils,
Awake with the moon.
Kept myself alive
For these pockets of time
Where I do not need to talk.
Where I do not need to move.
C
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