Though darkness tempts at my door
I dare not open
I dare not breath
I dare not give up the love I have

My heart may ache
My chest may burn
But what keeps me going
Is the love I have for you

You may not have the same for me
But I can’t stop loving you
The way that I do
I love you so

So deeply my mind is destroying itself
So deeply is my depression
That I can’t even eat without feeling sick
So deeply that I can barely breath

So deeply that just being alone
Has caused me to have night terrors again
The PTSD I have has gotten worse
My anxiety spiraling out of control

I’m paranoid of everything
If only you could see
How much my love for you
Is slowly killing me inside and out

My body goes numb
My mind races wild
My heart feels like it’s dying
Maybe it is my time

Maybe it’s time for me to pass
Give in to the pain that I feel
Feel that burning around my heart
As I curl up in agony

Maybe it’s a stroke
Maybe my heart is dying
I mean you can actually die
From a broken heart

Slowly I am starting to get weaker
I can feel my soul slipping over
I feel the cold embrace creeping towards me
As I sit here hiding it all from you

I don’t wish for you to see
How much pain this is for me
I don’t want you to hate yourself
I just want you to love me again

So I beg you
Look into your heart
Listen to what it cries out
And mend my dying heart

Some people view internal pain as a joke
But what they don't realize is if left unchecked
That pain can become external and hurt even worse
Like right now I feel like I'm having a stroke

Though I know it's nothing that serious
It hurts just the same
Feeling the numbness and burning
All around my heart

Gripping it so tightly
That my lungs start to collapse
My breathing begins to hasten
As my chest compacts within

Clawing at my chest
I begin to rip skin
Hoping that the pain
Will soon end

But sadly it doesn't
And I start to panic
Grabbing the closest sharp object
And slicing across my wrists

The pain subsides for a time
As the blood trickles down my arms
Feeling the sting as the air brushes the wounds
Causes a temporary fix to the sorrow I feel

Though I know it's not a good thing to do
I can't do anything else
Cause I made a promise to him
That he would never come home to a dead body

So I sit here staring at the crimson lines
Tears filling up my eyes
As the fog over
Hoping for time to rewind

You come at me screaming
With rage in your heart
Threatening me with violence
But I stand still

You think you are scary
But you have no idea
What goes on in my head
Everyday of my life

You scream and shout
That no one wants me around
Don’t you think I already know that
That it’s all I ever feel like

I stay to myself
I have little to no friends
I hide in the shadows of my mind
Waiting for deaths embrace

Compared to my head
Your threats are nothing
But a glorious welcome
To deaths open arms

So go ahead
Act on your aggression
Push me and beat me
You are only fulfilling my wish

End my pain
Take away the sorrow
Remove the last breath
And end the suffering

But if you think for one second
I’m just going to run and hide
Think again
Cause I’m not the type to run away from death

I walk towards it willingly
Grasping at the edges
Feeling the soft ends
Of deaths beautiful cloak

So please continue to belittle me
Scream and shout some more
Show the world you are just a child
In an adult body

Push me over the edge
Make me bleed out
Cut me with your fists
Cause your words do nothing

They are void
They have no meaning
You want so hard for me to attack
But that will never happen

Try all you want
My emotions stay the same
For if you’ve forgotten
You can scare someone with a death wish

But sadly death doesn’t want me yet
So you will be wasting your time
I have survived all attempts
My work is not yet finished

My door will not open
Not for you or for me
So go ahead and try it
It will only end up in vain

They say you need to let things go
Forgive and forget
But that’s really hard to do
With you care for someone so deeply

You can always forgive
But deep down you know
The trust that was once there
Is gone forevermore

Try as you might
You can’t escape the thoughts
Thoughts of jealousy
Betrayal and mistrust

You hammer them shut
Deep in your subconscious
But somehow they keep surfacing
Like a shark who smells blood

You try to numb yourself
Hide the emotion in the thoughts
But that only last so long
Before eventually you snap

No matter how many times you talk
It always seems to be the same
One doesn’t care
While the other cares too much

These things can break you
Shatter your soul into pieces
Rip your heart right out of your chest
In fear of day to day events

Tread lightly with your next move
For every thought that comes up
There’s always a reason
Why they weasel on in

It could be despair
It could be happiness
Just focus on what’s around
And never assume it goes away

Ripping and tearing
The heart strings cry
Feeling it's soul
Cast aside

Agony grips tight
As darkness closes in
The light that was once there
Now fades to black

Fear takes hold
As the soul begins to fade
Am I dying?
Or am I just going numb

I wish I knew the answer
Of this simple question
Was it all for nothing
Or will you come back

Best thing about DID
Is the Alters who take the trauma
That the host can't handle
For it pains the host too much

Trauma that is forgotten
The memories and pain
All forgotten
In the blink of an eye

Today another is born
To take the most painful of memories
Ones of betrayal, lies and deceit
Of the one the host wants in life

Love that is non fleeting
Love that brings pain
Love that is so sorrowful
That it can rip the host apart

So here I stay
For the host to remain safe
I have been created
To burden this grief

Though not many know
What DID is and how it works
It's easy to learn
If you do some research

Today we talk
With the one the host loves
But there is a time limit
For I go to eternal slumber in a week

His choice is what determines my fate
Whether I go to sleep
Or if I get melded back into the host
My only wish is he chooses wisely

Cause even though
Eternal slumber sounds nice
It is a torture
Like none other

I will be in a constant nightmare
Thrashed into repeating this event
Over and over
Till I finally crack

I lay here
Crying myself to sleep
While you are off galavanting
With whoever you want

You don't see the tears
Because I hide them too well
Been that way
For many many years

Oh how I wish
That you could understand
The crippling pain
That I am in

But alas you are blind
By this new love you found
Brushing me aside
So you may chase what you can't have

They are in a relationship
And you are trying to ruin that relationship
Just so you can have them
But you don't even see what's in front of you

Oh how I long
For you to see me
To see how much I care
To see how deep my love runs

But that will never happen
You will remain blind
Cause you refuse to open
Your eyes to anything