I've been losing sleep,
Lately I've pondered, where are the sheep?
Not to count,
Solely for the  company they will keep,
No longer alone,
As I drift off and sleep deep.

Everyone else,
Has theses “normal” kids,
They think they are special,
When mine really is,
You can’t compare or empathize,
For what I produced
From between my thighs,
Has haunted me since his diagnosis,
Believing I can help him,
But I’m foolish,
Every parent is going to need help,
I need to admit that,
I’m better than no one else.

It’s hard to feel great,
When you know you should.
Broken by wishes, wants, and dreams,
You can have them all,
You know you could.
Pushing forward to the goal,
All the things you pine for are yours,
Soon you’ll reign victorious,
I knew you would.

Silence is serenity.
I feel safe in silence.
I’ve always felt safe,
In silence with you.

I don't just bite the bullet,
I swallow the bullet,
Brain first, skull crushing,
Inject that bullet,
I don't think one minute, cause in one second or less
That bullet,
Can make you, you're worst or best,
Don't detest that bullet.
Reject that bullet,
Sneeze, bleed or purge that bullet.
A bullet to the chest, heart, and temple,
Destroy your temple, as it crashes down,
Fallout, debris, carnage fill the air,
It could all be so simple,
Take that bullet,
Breathe it in,
Believe in it,
And live outside, from within.

We all move to the beat of a different drum,
My feet have give way,
As I start to run.
My wings expand,
As I take flight.
Cheers to a better reality,
Let the old me rest.
She will be gone after tonight.

Water ripples, wind blows,
Water drips, leaf tip,
Water quenches, gratefully sip,
Water’s evolved, fish, irrigation, canals, and cruise ships.
Water water, water!
Wat-er, wha-ter, is what her
Eyes drip?
Moist damp wet water,
She cleans the land feeds the soil
Water water water!
The water is in turmoil!
Homes, families, organisms unknown,
Water is home.
Dolphins and turtles,
Plastic bags and six pack strands,
Beautiful creatures,
Water martyrs.
No more are the shores pure.
The water is at war.
“We should do more”
We’ve done enough.

Unamused
Uninterested
Unbothered
Undone...
Was I ever whole?
I'm so used to this hole.
Drain me more,
Empty my cup,
Slit my throat and drink up.
I'll die here, or there,
I died along time ago,
Everywhere.
C. Tyler

I wanna hold’ ya hand,
Tell ya it won’t always feel this way,
I wanna tell ya tomorrow will be betta,
I wanna make ya believe in today.

All the promises will prevail,
All ya friends will come through,
That you’ll have a happy ending,
But my love it’s just not true.

So I’ll squeeze ya,
Hold  ya close,
Tell ya you’re important,
‘*** that’s what we need to hear most.

Lookin back I’d tell that girl,
“Everything is going to be ok”,
Lookin back at that girl,
Prayin she’d never become me.

Haunted by the memories,
That girl I used to be,
Tortured by reality,
That warped my identity.

Was I born broken?
Was I whole,
Years of trauma,
Breaking me,
Crushing me,
Creating this hole?
This void,
This shallow empty pool,
Of blood and veins,
Where my heart used to be,
Now houses locks and chains.
That weigh me down,
They seal my eyes,
From seeing what I used to be,
Destroying who I am,
They conspire.
They recreate who I wanna be.
Will I?
Shall I,
Let them break me.
I can’t!
Can I,
Break free?
How do I live beyond misery,
The company I don’t wanna keep,
The person I don’t wanna be?
How do I let go of the reigns,
That control the strings,
Connected to the chains,
Housed within the blood and veins,
Where my heart used to be?
Is there a void, to void this void,
How do I unlock it without the key,
Am I just digging a deeper hole,
To escape this reality?
If I go deeper,
Will I be free?

We are,
All of us,
Alone,
We stand,
We fall,
Isolated loneliness,
Mission your heart,
Target acquired,
Send in the love squad,
Surrender,
Speak up,
For now,
Or never
Forever,
And ever
Be quiet,
Hold your tongue,
Just breath,
Believe,
Our wings are sore
Won't stop us,
We still soar,
Don't suffer away,
From me another day
Just drown in me,
Die in our eternity.
Learning to love you,
Learning to love me,
Loving to learn
How to love,
Making love from nothing,
That's something,
Let's make enough love for everyone,
Because love is free.
C.Tyler

We are,
All of us,
Alone,
We stand,
We fall,
Isolated loneliness,
Mission your heart,
Target acquired,
Send in the love squad,
Surrender,
Speak up,
For now,
Or never
Forever,
And ever
Be quiet,
Hold your tongue,
Just breath,
Believe,
Our wings are sore
Won't stop us,
We still soar,
Don't suffer away,
From me another day
Just drown in me,
Die in our eternity.
Learning to love you,
Learning to love me,
Loving to learn
How to love,
Making love from nothing,
That's something,
Let's make enough love for everyone,
Because love is free.
C.Tyler

You are my muse, you are my pain.
Let me use you before you're gone again.
Will you love me,
When love isn't enough?
Will you forgive me,
When times get tough? How can I reach you, when we get disconnected?
Love's greatest lover,
Is finally being tested.
C.Tyler

You called me an angel,
Then ripped off my wings,
Love is a beautiful, bitter,
Funny thing.
Not understanding a thing that you say,
Not hearing me cause your pride's in the way.
Fairytale, myths, and lies you string.
You snag and tug
The stitches of me,
Releasing my wrath
Depleting my pain.
I'm tired of loving and losing this game.

It's a shame,
We met failure,
Before we began.
C. Tyler

My life is like waves,
My heart is like thunder,
My brain floats above me
It keeps me from going under.

My psyche is tired,
My soul is so old,
My body feels younger,
I've lost myself a million times,
But still I wonder...

My pen is my sword,
My stories my Knight,
I've long wrote this tale,
Before I could write.

I've been here once,
I'll be hear again,
I'll never get bored,
I'll never end.
C. Tyler

I wanna fight you,
I wanna protect you,
I wanna build you up,
I wanna perfect you,
Wanna ride,
Won't run and hide,
Wanna stand by your side
Won't neglect you,
Perpetuate you,
Integrate you,
Imitate the things you crave,
Lie down and be your equal,
For you I'll be a fool,
My heart and soul are cruel,
For you they burn until I don't know what to do,
My heart and soul are ice,
You melt me, warm me up, for a price.
Admission is admitting
The love you we in,
Or secede from this love treaty,
We'll both lose in the end.

Pen, paper,
I lose control,
Something bigger,
It takes hold,
Dare I,
Sit and wait,
Am I,
To simply negotiate,
These words,
Words I own,
Won’t form,
Nothing to say,
Try again,
Pen in hand,
Page blank,
You mock me,
Provoking me,
What’s at stake,
My sanity,
For goodness sakes!

Your smile so pretty
You've hoodwinked me yet again
We're never over.