How are you?
I have nothing left to give you.
You have taken each breath, memory, and tear I have to offer;
and you have destroyed it.

Dear Agony,
What do you want?
You have taken everything!
I am nothing now, all thanks to you.
So please, leave me alone for once in my life.
I don't want any more.
I don't want anything.

Dear Agony,
You aren't leaving, are you?
You're going to stay with me until my dying breath.
You are going to haunt me long after, too.
Fine. Okay. Do whatever you want,
I'm too numb to care now anyway.
Just another thing you've stolen from me.

Dear Agony,
Will you please end it all?
You are the only thing that has stayed by my side,
Granted, I didn't want you.
And I still don't want you.
But I'm stuck with you,
so could you help me, just this once?
Take away all that makes me, me.
I don't want to be me right now.

Dear Agony,
Why?
Why is it that the only things you've left me
are hate, anger, and self-loathing?
Why do I have to suffer because of you?
Why do I have to hurt those around me because-
I. Can't. Be. Rid. Of. YOU
YOU are the problem.
YOU. Not me...
Please...God, don't let the problem be me.

Dear Agony,
Are you happy now?

It's a bitter dance with fate.
He twirls me and I reply by stepping on his toes,
because I can't dance to such a foreign beat.
And fate is whisking me away,
moves unreliable and messy,
barely better at dancing than I am.

This can't last forever.
Eventually, we'll grow tired
of the confusion and unpredictable moves
each other will make.
And we'll break away to take our own steps,
off the dance floor and towards the buffet
where we gorge ourselves on the future
we choose for us.
The things we know will be what we want.
Fate cannot control us here,
He cannot lead us away on a mystical journey
going off into the misty evening.
At least, not until we open our eyes and realize:

We always come back to the dancefloor.
and Fate comes in many forms.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

"Could you spare a moment?
I need to talk to you,
it's important."

"Not right now,
I'm busy.
Can we talk later?"

"Oh, okay."

And we never talk.

All these memories are full;
weighted down by iron bars
that lock and trap.
wrapping chains around me,
but I let them.

Too wild to be tamed,
Too alone to be sane,
but you looked at me
and you smiled-
oh god, you smiled.

Too scared of trying,
not understanding the meaning of family
until you took my hand
and I know what you're doing,
but by some miracle-
by some twisted miracle,
I let you.

You weigh me down now,
long after you're gone.
These chains never rust,
they never loosen.

I let myself be captured by your love.
And I'm still not sure if I regret it or not,
but you taught me how to feel.
And sometimes I wish you hadn't,
because these feeling that are inside me
are far from the malleable, soft thing that I've become.
Far from the person you turned me into.

They are sharp edges
and strong, unyielding walls.
They plunge me into a current
and I don't know how to swim.
So I take it all, floating along
without your guidance.

You taught me these things-
and then you left before you were done.
You've left me to smooth out the edges on my own
but you never taught me how.

You are my ghostly apparition in the night,
appearing when I close my eyes.
I don't know if I'm dreaming,
or if this is the cold, hard reality.
I'm sorry-
I can't finish that sentence,
I need to say it. I need to-
Deep breaths.
One...Two...Three
I'm sorry that you feel the need to be with me.
There. I said it.
I am sorry that you are watching over me.
I am sorry.
I need to tell you something.
Are you here?
I can't feel you anymore.
Please, have you left me alone?
I'm grateful, I truly am.
But you need to go now.
I don't need to be watched over any longer,
your job is done.
I-
No, I can't say it.
Oh, Vengeful Spirit,
apparatus of my despair.
I-
I love you, but you don't belong here-
with me.
I don't know who you are,
but I ask of you-
No, I'm begging you,
Let me go.