dear God,
I know you get tired of the way I make these promises to change..
but God, I swear my sins are the only things that numb my pain..
sometimes I feel like you don't hear me though..
I mean, I be calling you and you don't even say 'hello'.
so reaching out seems futile to me.
cause at the end of it all, I still feel like nobody.
so I end up with some ***** that's not worth it in my draws.
or I end up throwing liquor back to hear people's applause.
I know you hear me some nights, sobbing uncontrollably.
because I wish.. I wish I didn't let the devil get a hold of me.
so hard to do good, so easy to do evil.
tryna right my wrongs before the chance is all gone..
all my life in church and Satan still got in.
and to be honest, I'M SCARED I CAN'T STOP HIM.
my momma always told me not to play with demons..
somebody wake me up PLEASE, I swear I'm dreaming.
blade to my wrist, I won't stop the bleeding..
but God, I know you hear me.. I know you see me pleading.
at this point, i just need something to believe in.

dating a writer
is like guessing the weather.
you think you know what you'll get,
but you never do.

you never know
because

she'll create a hero
from your weaknesses

and she'll write a great character,
from every last flaw.

she'll create a thousand plots  
from your worst nightmares.

she'll take every last thing you hate
and create something you'll love.

she'll turn your anger
into confessions of adoration,

and she'll make you,
everything you're not.

but worst of all,
she'll leave you wondering-
is it you she's in love with,
or things she's created from you?

but here's the beauty of it:

if you date a writer,
you'll never die.

If I had to describe myself,
I would say...

I'm not just the 50+ scars
from blood-stained razors
on my left arm;

I'm not just the countless tears
I cried when I pleaded
with your deity;

I am ";"

";" is never-ending.

I am ;
because my story doesn't end here.

I am ;
because I am forever evolving.

...so until
"."
arrives,
I am ;

for every tear I shed that you didn't cause but helped to wipe away.
for every laugh I had that you made happen because you know it'd make my day.
for every apology you've given when you did nothing wrong.
for every time you've kissed my face, my neck, my lips to make me weak.
for every promise you've made and never broken.
for every wise word you've said to help me with my problems.
for every time you swore you'd **** anyone that ever hurt me.
for every time you've listened to my annoying and random stories with attentiveness.
for every song you've ever sung to me to melt my heart.
for every smile you gave and made to brighten my day.
for every hug and every time you held me close to make this love last.
for every time you've ever said the words I love you to me because I know you meant them..
for you, I am grateful.
to you, I am indebted.
for you, I don't mind.

and so to you, I love you.

[r.r.r.w]