Yesterday I was thinking about you
& it terrified me that I could no longer
Remember what you looked like,
Or who you even were
Before cancer started to erode
All of your loveliness
I knew you didn’t want me to
Remember how you looked without hair
Or how your body became so weak
So I searched the depths of my mind
To find old memories of you
I can remember you coming to
My birthday parties and music recitals
But honestly I couldn’t remember
What you looked like then
And as my heart was breaking
That I had lost all of you
A flicker of a moment flashed in my mind
There you were sitting
At your dining room table
With your auburn curls and
Right before you took a sip
Of your diet Pepsi
You smiled
Then, along with the fleeting moment
You were gone
I wanted to cry
I had remembered you,
The real you

When I am with you
There is a stillness
Within me
That calms even the
Thrashing waves that
Crash in the concave
Of my brain

While you are sleeping
Soundlessly
In your bed
I lay awake in mine
Listening to all the
Creepy crawlers
Squirming around in my
Mind
Each night they munch munch
Crunch away my mind
Until all that is left behind
Are thoughts that are darker
Than the night

The sun shimmers
Off the same water
I am floating on
For a few moments
I feel one with the
Sea and the sun
Then the peacefulness
Becomes too quiet
My mind starts a riot
I am reminded of why
I came here
I want to set my mind free
But my mind is a maze
My thoughts are a haze
I am a labyrinth and
My brain is insane

The waves come crashing
Soon I am sinking, slinking down
Into the bottom of an ocean
My own eyes created
I see a few surviving, fighting
Off the unforgiving currents
While others just let themselves
Down, they let themselves drown
I am always hovering
In between the two
I can neither sink nor swim
I do not understand how one
Can win or lose a battle
Against their own mind
I guess time will tell how long
I can really hold my breath

We may play pretend
Yet feelings change and bend
Sometimes hearts just don't mend

Love or lust?
Truth or trust?
Rain or rust?

From the day I first met you
I knew you should be mine
We have the same crooked smile
And the same longing in our eyes

As I climb up on the roof
A dog in the alley comes
Into focus and from the
Moment his eyes are
Upon me he absolutely
Refuses to stop barking
I try to focus on the
Rising sun that slowly
Warms the Earth
Or the hyper birds
Singing songs of freedom
Yet I cannot escape
His loud reminders that
I am not wanted here
He continuously demands
“WHO ARE YOU?!”
“WHY ARE YOU HERE?!”
To this day I am asking
Myself the same questions

Should I just rush in
Or wade in the low tide
I stay hesitant since
It's too hard to decide

All the fun happens
When you're in too deep
But so does all of the danger
Sometimes I wish we were still strangers

My life is crumbling fast
Quick grab the super glue!
Duck tape will no longer do

My life is tumbling fast
Are you going to desert me?
Please don't hurt me

Your calm gentle gaze
Hits me harder and fazes me
More than a laser beam
Can’t those gorgeous eyes
Decipher why I am
Reacting so extreme?
I am holding your head
In my arms as your blood
Begins to slowly stream
The fear in my heart
Will leave a permanent mark
So I start to dream
Although naively, that
Love, not this tragedy
Would be our theme

Dead stars always shine the brightest
Yet I fear I am being misguided
Which path do I take?
I’m lost in these woods of
Dark puzzling questions  
What’s the right answer?
When will it all be clear?
I used to be an old soul
Where did my old ways go?
What is my purpose here?

My heart is not an instrument
You can just play
You can’t write songs on my lips  
And beg me to stay if tomorrow
You’ll just walk away

In my cup of tea,
I found serenity
In your gorgeous eyes,
I found the root of all lies

With every trial and error
I'm getting closer to you
Every time my heart breaks
I mend it back just for you

While the water stays level
My thoughts quickly rise
Until I am drowning
Right in front of everyone’s
Eyes but no one sees
Me silently suffering

I'm just too sensitive for this world
My skin and bones are fragile
To the touch
My heart isn't even made out of paper
Its made out of dust
That I've painstakingly collected over
All these years
From broken promises and
Shattered dreams and
Old distorted memories

I just thought you & I were on the same page
Turns out you were a few chapters back
& every time my thoughts drift to you
I'm reminded of everything I lack

My lips move but I can't quite
Say the words
You're a ghost
You're a ghost
Now how long will it be
Until you stop haunting me?