If this was a bollywood movie
You'd wait for me
And my road would lead me to yours
Eventually.

If this was a bollywood movie
We would have made silent promises
It's either us
Or we are forever on our own

If this was a bollywood movie
My poems would not remain unread
If this was a bollywood movie
Our story would not end like that

If this was a bollywood movie
You would shift the world
Just to see me.
If this was a bollywood movie
You would lift me off my feet
And not simply ....
Go and beg another girl
To love you.


But
This is not a bollywood movie
Just a sad poem
That will never be finished
Cause the poet
Found a better
Subject to muse over.

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

"It's gonna be OK"
How do you know?
Have you ever felt this way?

"Stay Strong"
For much longer?
It's already been so long...

"You'll survive"
But I'm losing motivation
I don't have the will or drive...

"It will pass"
Possibly... But..
How long is it gonna last?

"There's always tomorrow"
You don't know that
Tonight could be the night I decide to go...

"You'll find someone to love you"
But I'm lonely now,
I need help to make it through

"You're resilient"
Maybe...
But I could still use a friend...

"I understand"
No, you don't
Please don't ever say that
You really have no clue
About all the things I'm going through

"I know you're sad, just try to think positive"
I positively think my mind's destructive

"You can handle it"
What if I don't want to?
What if I don't want hurt again?
What if this is the end?

"You'll figure it all out"
And if I don't...
Will you be there when I go down?
Help me up from off the ground?

"I'm here for you"*
Yea...  
Thanks...  
Me too...

I am reminded that the women before me also had their bodies turned into sinking ships.
Captained by reckless men
who abandoned deck,
When their words could no longer be used as anchors.

Some voids
You just can't fill
But that never
stopped you
From loving me.

Some of us
Go too astray
To ever come back
To who we once were
But that never stopped you
From calling out my name

Some things
You just can't repair
But that never stopped you
From trying

Some flowers
Wilt when you touch them
But your tender touch
Only livened their petals

Some angels
Are destined to fall
But somwhow you were always
At the right place
To catch one of them.

And today when
I stood among stangers
In the pouring rain
Waiting for my train
I was reminded
How it felt
Without you

You
Either leave
Or
Stay long enough
To
See "him" turn into
A stranger.

Oh,
boy,
I guess
I looked into your
Soul
For too long
To ever go
Back to being
"Just friends"

You
Either leave
Or
Stay long enough
To feel
Yourself fading
from "his"thoughts
Just like how
Dews evaporate
Once they see
The sun.

Oh,
Boy,
I was nothing
But a voice in your head.
And now that I've been replaced,
I wonder how long
Till i cease to be

You
either leave
Or
Stay too long
To witness
his eyes go blank
To watch him
See right through you.

Oh
Boy,
You were long gone
Even when you were
holding my hand
I knew you were
Wandering far away

You
Either leave
Or
stay long enough
To
Watch him leave.*

Oh,
Boy,
But I'm
Still holding on to you
Long after
You have let go.*

[Nothing good stays. I could never leave, so i guess that makes sense]

Dear
the gost of his love,
You keep
haunting,
taunting
and reminding me
of
your love
and
what could have been

I see your face
in the crowd,
in every guy
who ever smiles at me
it's you.
Please stop.
You know
I loved you so
Not a single shooting star
exists
that was not wasted upon you
but now
my 11:11 wish is
for the clock to
stop ticking
and use its arms to
strangle me instead
So that I could
finally be free.
Free
from having
all my energy
spent on
trying to keep my **** together
in a vain attempt to
keep  myself
from falling apart
to pieces
in front of everyone
why don't you understand?
I love you
I love you
I love you
My heart beats with this rhyme
I love you more than i have ever loved aNYTHing
The pictures that you sent
still live in my phone
and the wind keeps whispering your name
and i have stopped looking a t the night sky
two bright stars reminded me of your eyes once
and
i see you in everything-
the first drop of rain,
a child's laughter
a tree's shelter on a summer day
I never wanted to let you go
but i had to
it was between you and him-
one who gave me life
and you
who became my life
and i owe you both
and i love you both
but he needs me a little more than you do
and so i chose Dad
but i love you.
I just could not burn their dreams
And use that as a light
That would guide
Me to you
I just could not break their hearts
To keep mine in one piece
No,
I could not break my old house
So that i could make a new with you.
And so i decided to loosened the grip
But it was you who walked away!
I knew you had
But don't blame me for what happened
i still hold on to you,
i clinged to your memories
like a drowning person
clings to a rope
thrown to him
And holding on to you hurts
so please set me free
please.