I sit in here in my window seal half naked, with my window open and the smell of freshly soaked grass wafting in with the flashing lights of the sky.

At this point in my life, i dont know what the hell is going on. Im trapped between the walls of my heart and the confines of my mind.
I am the once solid foundation of your home, after the earthquake shook your house to tears.

I am the once smiling face, after your lover left.

My heart, once beating strongly and lightly, now pouts, cold and hardened, next to my once healthy lungs.

No words can bring the soul back into my eyes, nor can any kiss bring the color back into my cheeks.

My hands cant hold him anymore, for they seem to only shake and become numb.

My mouth is no longer capable of forming soft gentle words, only harsh and savage, broken phrases pass over the cusp of my lips.

My mind finds no comfort in the things once enjoyed by my being, accompanied by the music of my laughter echoing through the corridors of a once happy home.

My legs no longer know where they are pushing me, my feet are unsure of where to step.


People say that no one is lost.




But could you tell me where i am?

I just realized
how I never quite thanked you
For the little things that you did
the little things that left such a big impact
on the girl that I've grown to be

I was never shown princesses' movies
with a fairy-tale ending
but was read quotes of your favorite author
some times they would go above my head
so you would tell me what they really meant
I remember the argument that we had on
"it's better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven"
I ran to mum and asked
"do you agree with papa? Is what he saying right?"
you smiled and said, I could decide for myself
I don't remember what i decided
but I've witnessed too much of hell since that day
So now if i was asked to serve on heaven,
I'll be only glad.
You made sure that i was provided
with
the buoyancy I needed to fly
yet had the knowledge enough to
be able to walk on Earth too.
You told me I'm going to make mistakes
but it should never come in my way of learning
not every one is going to like me
and i should not care if they did
but remain true to myself
and all that i stand for.
I must not be scared, to be laughed at
for my mistakes
to err is only human, after all.
It was from you that I learnt
Words, if used correctly, can help one get through
almost any/every thing
But one should make sure
that they follow what they preach
You told me
there's a book on every feeling that I'll ever go through
When in doubt i must seek my friends
my shelf
I'm not alone in this fight
and yet you wonder
why I'm so interested in Literature

Dear Dad,
thank you for never imposing your thoughts on me,
letting me find my answers,
giving me the space I needed to grow and explore
to know what i believed in, the values I'd stand by
My friend once called you the living encyclopaedia
thank you for that too =D
For your opinions on every random topic I started.
Thank you for never letting me win
without putting a fight
I really found it sweet
Father and daughter
against each other
and neither one backing off
after all, they both shared a part of the same gene
You never sugar-coated anything
but sometimes when i would walk in
you would hurriedly change the news channel
wanted to let me enjoy as much of carefree days i could, did not you?
Did not want to expose the dark side of the world to me yet?

I bet you don't know
that when I'm confused about what to do
I take a look back and ask myself
what would papa's little daughter would do?
it has helped me more than once
it's hard to admit
your little daughter had this life figured out
more than I do now
You told me I should not fight too hard to blend in
A little madness is needed
to achieve something extra-ordinary
I WISH YOU HAD NOT
because
Now that when I look around,
I realize i barely fit
Papa,
they laugh at how I've never seen many disney movie
or, how I prefer novel more than movies
They smirk upon my dressing sense
and hair ******* in a messy knot.
Every now and then i would get into fight with those stereotype
plastic face with each inch covered in make-up
being mean and thinking they're super-cool
OH,
*I CAN NOT WAIT TILL I GET HOME TO MUM AND YOU

A girl with contrasting longings;
she comes in every shade ranging
from love to truth to lie.
She's every emotion at the same time

I would rather suffocate and drown in my mind than ask for your help
I would rather swallow shards of glass than keep up with this silence
I would rather spend my night counting stars than have a dream about you
I would rather cut my skin off than feel your touch burn them while you love someone else
I would rather have my tongue forget how to speak than call for you every single night in my sleep
I would rather bleach my brain with HCL than have it think about you always
I would rather burn down this house and lose myself somewhere than try looking for you
I would rather drown the butterflies in my stomach with alcohol than have them fluttering, dancing on your tone
(But truth be said, i would rather spend a second with you and a lifetime reminiscing that moment than be with someone else)

I'll bleed till I've no more of you inside me
I'll smoke you till I've exhaled all of your empty words that i was fed
I'll cry till i don't know what i was crying for
*I'll write till I give you something that weighs you down
just like how your goodbye weighs my heart down

Everyone knows you can't hold onto a heart that's shattered, and mine was a thousand different pieces long before you ever came around.. So tell me when exactly did you decide that it was a good idea to play with broken glass .? And I can find you every Sunday behind every church pew of every remorseful sinner, whispering the three words that always break you the fastest. But hey, what's a savior for anyways.? And you always said " I love you ", like an apology so maybe that's the reason I always played the victim. And boys like you were never meant for keeping, but try explaining that to the girl who always kept all her firefly's in jars long after their lights had burned out. And I should have known that you can't turn every abandoned house into a home... But maybe this is what you meant, when you asked me if i believed in ghosts. People are drugs, and everyone overdoses eventually. And I've wrote you a thousand different messages in a thousand different bottles, but I'm shattering them all against the shore.

Some ships, are better left sinking.