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Stewie Dec 2019
I’m crazy.
I’m obsessive.
I’m anxious.
I’m depressed.
Those are words I would use to describe myself if someone asked me to.
No one cares or asks me what’s going on in my head.
It’s because I’m chaotic and normal people don’t know what to say.
If I’m being honest, my everyday life feels like a nightmare.
I think about death and it plagues my every move.
It’s like my head is a hot air balloon and there are ropes in my body, tied to my heart, keeping myself in place.
I feel way too much and I will never know how to stop that.
I can try as hard as I want to control the emotions that leak out of my heart like spilled milk but I can’t.
Because I’m tired of running from my fears and my problems. I’m tired of acting like I’m okay.
Why can’t I be loved just because of my mental illness?
Everyone always acts like it’s such a heavy burden to carry around but why can’t everyone just feel like me?
Because not everyone is that deep.
Stewie Oct 2019
Ice
He put his arm around me at the hockey game.
As we sat, he played with my long hair that grazed his hand.
In that moment, I felt like I was all his and he wanted nothing more...
than
to
give
me
all
of
his
attention.
I want attention.
Stewie Aug 2019
You are my mirror image
Which is why you make me so angry sometimes
We push and fight
Yell and scream
I slam the door, you hit the wall
Tension rises in the air like heat off the asphalt.

You spit venom at me
Your words hurt the most
I cry, you walk away
I crumble on the floor while you toss your clothes


Is this what we have become?


I convince you to come to bed
You grab my skin
&we **** the night away


Sleep.
Wake.
   Fight.
     ****.
       Repeat.
I rather fight with you than anyone else.
Stewie Aug 2019
When I first kissed you, I saw stars
It was like something I’ve never felt before
I wanted more…
So I kept climbing deeper into your universe
I let your brain waves intercept mine
I became intertwined with your neurons and synapses
The way you snapped into my pelvis like a puzzle piece
Made me want to know why I was ever sad before you
You fingers delicately bounce off each vertebra in my spine
Making me crave the wisdom in your eyes and the words in your mouth
You are my world
A man that opens your eyes to other galaxies
Stewie Aug 2019
Sometimes it’s hard for me to find the words to say


I build up my wall and it tends to last all day


But when you caress me with your sweet soft hands


There is nowhere else on this planet I’d rather land


Because at the end of the day, you are my best friend


I promise to tell you my secrets until the end
he is my lover and best friend
Stewie Aug 2019
Your music is still as dark as your soul.
You stand up on the passenger seat to play guitar in your new video
                                and
It makes me remember the time you begged me not to tell anyone about our conversations.
You deleted me out of your life.
I made you hate Florida.



Well..


Joke's on you because...



You have a tour stop in Jacksonville.

Enjoy Florida, you *****.
I was always a secret.
A stealer of joy.
Stewie Aug 2019
I remember how quiet the mornings were when you left. I would sit until the nights turned into days because the thought of closing my eyes in the dark terrified me. I longed for a body to be next to me in bed. What if I woke up from a nightmare and no one was there to comfort me? I used to go to the gas station because the employees were so friendly and they smiled at me. One night I was drunk. My face was done up. I wanted cigarettes and got in the car to drive. You threatened to call the police on me. So I started to walk. I didn’t have shoes on and the grass felt wet and cold on my feet. I wished that someone would just stop and give me a hug. I just wanted one person to show that they cared. You pulled up in my car and brought me to that same gas station. I bought cigarettes. You told me that smoking would **** me and I told you that it’s not happening soon enough. Who were you? You were not the same man I once knew. You disgusted me.
Love to you is just a game.
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