Goodbye

This is a product of my emotions
Messy as it is
Jumbled and in need to be released.

I’m saying goodbye,
To the past so beautiful and green,
To the darkness so bright and dull.

I’ve hidden myself for way too long,
Spent days running from the corners and hiding from my demons,
Accepting fate but not realizing it.

I’m saying goodbye.

As I write this my mind holds me back, it whispers to my heart that “It doesn’t hurt”
Yet my heart stares blankly, wondering “If it doesn’t hurt why am I so clouded with this pain, why do I want to fix us over and over again?”

It’s painful, having this need to fight
Having this gnawing feeling inside.

How does one say goodbye to someone they once loved?
Someone you would and still will do anything for them?
I’ve watched my hope wither with each second of empty promises, broken dreams and unfulfilling conversations.

I heard my heart shatter into pieces consistently from truths that I was hearing from third parties while you confidently orchestrated lies to me.
My mind warned me, sparks flew from then.
It told me that we were done but my heart refused, “This is all a misunderstanding”, “I’m not quite as open, I’m to blame”

Running on those words, I healed my heart with lies. But as flashbacks of when I teared my walls, showed you how defenseless I was as grief and mourning controlled me, was I not open enough?
Or was it too much that I was not worth the honesty?

I sensed my eyes ***** with tears as I noticed how much of a season I am to you.
It hurts, not as much as it should be and thanks goes to my mind.
“As long as you anticipate it. It won’t be that bad” it said.

There’s no fixing us,
There’s no being about this facade,
No matter how ‘happy’ I might have been.

But why,
Am I so hopeful that the lie you sputtered of fixing us will be turned to truth?

Why?
When my heart needs to understand that this is goodbye
Your silence and lack to reach out screams in agony of goodbye.
So why am I still hoping?

When a tweet, no longer comes from a bird.
A message, no longer written in words.
A picture, determines your current worth.
A swipe, is not for payments against earns.

Your world, no longer restricted to earth.
Your voice, can control your universe.
Games, without company, a box.
Books, used to be written, forgot.

Love was in letters, not characters.
Eyes looked straight, not down.
Communication, in touch were sound.
Reactions, were not button frowns.

Food shared, not delivered.
Noise surrounded, not muted.
Hands shaken, not email awaken.
The world was claimed, but not hidden.

An automated world,
not an automated me.

He called her every time he heard thunder
They hardly spoke but they never forgot each other when it rained
He called,
she called
Rain was a reason ..
But obviously things have changed
She hates the clouds
She hates the rain

Sweet
Escape
Peace
Truly
Elegant
Make
Better
Evening
R

I'm sure everyone alive
Has heard of Father Time
Well, he and I were once the best of friends

Until I reached the ripe old age
He up and gave his soul away
When he saw our friendship near its end

Always had him by my side
Where we both had the best of times
Sometimes I wish we could do it all again

But something that I failed to see
Was Father Time grew old with me
As surly as this old man lives

I'll just have another slice of cake
As I give another year away
Holding tight to the memories of what we did

Thinking back to the time
When he was a good friend of mine
But now a days who am I trying to kid

The Moon Man sat
Upon a branch
Fat and jolly
Strong and staunch
Just sat there
Broke out his lunch
Put his banjo
On his haunch...

Began to strum
A happy tune
I asked my favorite,
"Clair de Lune"
He said he'd play it
And we'd spoon
It's gonna be
So HOT in June
The heat is comin'
Comin' soon...

He rested there
upon that limb
The cats played sax
Upon a whim
They were right
In tune with him
The Star-fish
Began to swim!

The Moon Man played
The crickets sang
Through the night
The music rang!
We had such fun!
The drums would bang
The tympany
Made beat and clang...

Then he got up
His full height
He made his exit
To the right
Flew off that branch
Into the night
now the fireflies
Hold his light!


SøułSurvivør
(C) 5/18/2017