Some days I'm finding my heart to be increasingly distanced from my friends and family. I'm feeling so incredibly alone and unable to shake the feeling that I'm not going to find my way out of this maze that is my mind. I mean, most days I'm feeling like my mind is still asleep on my bed and under my sheets.

I'm tired of these trust issues I have slowly tear away at my mind. It makes it hard to open up to people and get the help I know I need but am unwilling to accept... I put my friends through a lot because I'm a total mess inside.

This last year has undone me in ways I didn't even know were possible... I've lost and lost and somehow am still losing more because I'm leaking out of myself as if I'm a broken pipe.

I never expected to struggle with alcoholism. I never expected to not know how to trust my closest friends that have been there for me through thick and thin for years. I don't know how to cope with horrific nightmares, or the paranoia that I'm going to lose somebody else...

All I ever wanted out of this life was for somebody to love. I know I'm a good guy with a lot to offer, but it seems nobody wants that anymore. Maybe everyone is just as ****** up as I am. I don't know.

I just know these empty nights are killing me and empty days are leaving me hopeless. What's a Christian without hope supposed to be? ****...

I met Emily Dickinson on the edge of the wood
With paper and pen in hand
Know not what she wrote but knew it was good
As I've always been a fan

Looking at me she gave a sly wink
As if I understood
How strange it was that nature does not knock
And yet does not intrude

She then curtsied in a goodbye gesture
Handing me a rhyming book
Whispered,,,happily ever after
Before she vanished in the wood

By Arcassin Burnham

Pick ya head up boy it's okay now , the eternal struggle is over so be proud,
What you ask for is what you get in life, to climb off the mountain,
gotta find your way down,
Looking for new purposes to fill your voids,
Knowing that in each time it comes with toys,
Life ain't about getting , its about giving but the generations lost in the chaos,
Got the kids in the school in the books on the way to college , But you so worried about
a wrist watch  and material things that don't mean anything at all,
Now Let me say this,

listen to my words,
i know what you deserve,
please don't be a follower,
Be a leader,
realize your worth.
deep beneath the earth,
crazy is what crazy does,
this world is still and was,
listen to my words,
i know what you deserve,
please don't be a follower,
Be a leader,
realize your worth.
deep beneath the earth,
crazy is what crazy does,
this world is still and was...


i know what you're feeling, i've been there before,
there is no way to cure this,the pain just grows much larger,
if you feel like people don't want you around,
grow to learn more things,
i know it could get much harder....



listen to my words,
i know what you deserve,
please don't be a follower,
Be a leader,
realize your worth.
deep beneath the earth,
crazy is what crazy does,
this world is still and was,
listen to my words,
i know what you deserve,
please don't be a follower,
Be a leader,
realize your worth.
deep beneath the earth,
crazy is what crazy does,
this world is still and was...

Pay attention in school and do everything you have to do just so you could get out,
You'll have problems along the way and everything that you do , people will doubt,
but don't mind them,
Follow your dreams,
And free think along the way in any age,
i'm not just speaking to kids ,
But i'm also speaking to the human race.